"My hair is bigger than yours!"

Liberal critics were surprised to learn that

 it's no longer good form to say that Warner
 Todd Huston is 'mentally handicapped'.

Instead, they must now say that he has 

an 'intellectual disability'.

"Hmmm, that Steve King guy sure looks

like an Iowa corn-packer to me."

Careful!  Touch Glenn Beck's fries and

he'll give you a carrot enema.

Take a look at the photographs in the Republican Party's

A Pledge to America, and you'll see that the document

should have been titled, A Pledge to White America.

Rude Rhymes #27

Dead Loris

Dick Morris

Warm Scuzzies #108

Michael Caputo

Things to Avoid #22

Dan Maes's Political Strategists

"When you say someone is 'a pain in the neck',

Ma Pang, what exactly do you mean?"

Mao Zedong's Great Leap Forward Toward Walmart

Now Believed to Have Cost the Lives of
45 Million Chinese

"Omigod, here comes another guy who thinks he's Jesus!"

Too late, the old man realized that an Adjustable-Rate

Burial was not a good idea.

"Welcome to Tattoo Mart!"

"I pledge allegiance to the Forbes 400 and

to the plutocracy for which it stands,

one multinational, under Mammon, with

corporate welfare and tax cuts for all."

"All that meat, and no potatoes

Just ain't right, like green tomatoes

Yeah, I'm waiting

Palpitatin'

But all that meat, and no potatoes."

I Remember Dubya #39

"Gosh, what on earth do you hunt with
a .50-caliber blowgun like that?"

"Yeah. I think it would be extremely naive of us, Mr. President,

to imagine that these new developments are going to cause
any change in Tea Party expansionist policy. I mean, we
must be increasingly on the alert to prevent them from
taking over more Congressional space, in order to breed
more prodigiously than we do, thus, knocking us out in
superior numbers when Americans vote in the 2012
presidential election. Mr. President, we must not allow
an enthusiasm gap!"

Oxymorons for Our Time #63

Dead Heat

Are Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin ruining
narcissism for the rest of us?

Who among you was surprised to learn that the Republican

Party's 'A Pledge to America' was authored by a lobbyist

for AIG, ExxonMobil, and Pfizer?

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #223

Tim Walberg

"Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome

the Brothers Grim!"

Fearguth has never bought a lottery ticket in his life.

Is it because he is opposed to gambling? No.  It's

because he's afraid he might win.

What do you call candidates for public office who refuse
to debate their opponents, who refuse to hold press
conferences, and who refuse to appear on Sunday
morning talk shows? If you're polite, you call them
'Fraidy Cats'. If you're impolite, you call them

'Chickenshits'.

Iranian President Joins Forces with American 9/11 Truthers;

Are Birthers Next on His List?

Joe Miller Big Favorite with Alaskan Musket-Worshippers

World's Worst Yobs #182

George Neumayr

Scientists Uncover Skull from Horniest Dinosaur

Ever, Speculate It May Be Fossilized Remains of

Penisaurus Erectus

Doctor Says 'Pledge to America' Induces Anesthesia

More Effectively and Less Expensively Than Diprivan

Reverend Eddie Long to Play Lead Role in

Re-Make of Monty Python's The Bishop

When you look at Gail Lowe's face,

'education' is not the first word

that comes to mind.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #222

Randy Rives

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar do not masturbate.

But they do copulate a lot.

Following Christine O'Donnel's lead, Michael

Steele says, "No!"

For the Pentagon to call propaganda 'aggressive

messaging' is just another exercise in Pentagon

propaganda.

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #123

The length of the Iraq War has been measured in

Friedman Units, where '1 Friedman Unit = 6 Months'.

The length of the Afghanistan War will be measured

in Petraeus Units, where '1 Petraeus Unit = Forever'.

Sarko the Giant Accidentally Hypnotized

by Romanian President

Nevada Governor Hurt in Fall from

Twinkie the Horse at Ranch

"Senator Chambliss, did someone in your Atlanta

office say all faggots must die or just some?"

When are Robert Stacy McCain and his teabagger brethren

going to man up and say, "Hell, yes, we're racists, and damn

proud of it! So, put that in your pipe and smoke it!"?

Warm Scuzzies #107

Ken Kratz

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #221

Stephen Broden

Larry Summers Leaving White House

Two Years Too Late

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #122

In 1993, 45% of Americans said they owned a gun.

In 2009, that percentage had dropped to 33%.

What does this mean? Either (1) some gun

owners in 2009 were lying or (2) gun ownership

is becoming déclassé.

Rude Rhymes #26

Backed-Up Drain

John McCain

Warm Scuzzies #106

Robert Rizzo