Saturday, December 31, 2011

Michele Bachmann Reacts to the Announcement
She Has Won a 2011 Golden Duke Award for
'Meritorious Achievement In The Crazy'
Psycho Talker of the Year (1960)

Psycho Talker of the Year (2011)
If he and his money were retrojected into 18th-century France,
Mitt Romney and Marie Antoinette would probably have been 
husband and wife.
Newt Gingrich Sez: "Politics has become a really
 nasty, vicious, negative business and I think it's
 disgusting and I think it's dishonest." And it all
began when Newt was first elected to the
House of Representatives in 1978.
All Ron Paul has to do to scare people is look at them.  He
has what's called a 'Conspiracy Planet' face.
Verizon Wireless Just Seconds Before It Was Flattened
by the Trojan Rabbit
The mere thought of Speaker Boehner was enough to
bring tears to Newt's eyes.
When you spend $5,000 for a hamburger in Las Vegas,
they call it a Fleurburger 5000.

Friday, December 30, 2011

"As I go under the knife, I want all my primate
friends---especially Cheetah, Bonzo, and J.
Fred Muggs---to remember me."
Some Scientologists now admit that the only
miracle L. Ron Hubbard never actually
performed was leading the Israelites
across the Red Sea on dry land. But, they
quickly add, he could have done it had
he wanted to.
Just as Carl Sagan once said, "There are billions and
billions of Miss Universes."
Ghost of the Senate Past
Keep saying to yourself, "Florida's state capitol doesn't look
like Rick Scott's 'junk'."
When Mitt Romney said, "I am not a Wall Street guy,
classically defined, but I am not going to quibble over
definitions," he surprised himself, having accomplished
something no one had ever done before: namely, a
complete 360-degree flip-flop in less than 25 words.
 As a music critic said of her recently, Rihanna's "breezy dance
tracks rub up against poignant, gothically ruptured rock-soul
 ballads" (as you can see here).  Back in the day, ecdysiasts
only bumped, grinded, and then dropped their laundry.  Now
they also sing.
"Why charge only $2.00 for customers to pay their monthly
bills online or by phone?  Get real!  If I were Verizon, I'd
charge what the traffic would bear---and then some!"
As you can tell from this chart, oil barrels have become
bigger, bigger, and bigger over the years.
Did you know that some Tea Party members are so rich
they can afford customized straitjackets?
"Whatever your objective, Glock has a firearm
with your name on it."®
"If I were a movie producer, Charlie, I would make
Mooseferatu, starring Sarah Palin."
The Unexpurgated Bible #67
In the beginning, the Earth was flat.  Then God
created beer, and the Earth became round.
What Newt Gingrich Was Thinking When He Said He Would
'Look At' Sarah Palin for Vice President or a Cabinet Job
"I'm for phalangeal inequality.  I think people with five fingers
on their right hands should have more than those who don't,
because some people work harder and have better ideas
and take more risk, and they should be rewarded for it."
"Criminy!  I'm so 2009 it almost makes me weep!"
Up close, the GEICO gecko is really pretty scary.
"Quite honestly, if you realized what a big bag of wind I am, I
don't think you could resist the temptation to stick a pin in me."

By now, the whole world understands why Rick Perry's GPA
at Texas A&M was 2.22.
Some things are worth remembering, some aren't.  In the
latter category belongs this headline:  'Rick Santorum
Slams President Obama For Revealing Osama Bin
Laden Died'.
Little Known Fact #23
"About 65 billion solar neutrinos per second pass through
every square centimeter perpendicular to the direction of
the Sun in the region of the Earth."  You might want to
keep this in mind the next time you step outside to soak
up some rays.
Flag Desecration #50
Greedheads Galore #21
Tom Golisano
What to Get for Someone, Like Matt Romney, Who Has
Everything (Except Brains):  a Barack Obama Birth
Certificate Mug
Factoid of the Hour #15
Slime Molds are smarter than you think.
Dudley Do-Wrong Sez: “Every barrel of oil
that comes out of those sands in Canada is
a barrel of oil that we don’t have to buy
from a foreign source.”
"Follow me on Twitter . . . or else!"
"Rock Music Has Worst Year Ever," Says Critic
Who Listens to Lithophones
Verizon Playing 'Poke-the-Customer-in-the-Eye'

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Cheetah Goes Out in Style
Warm Scuzzies #250
Mike Scott
With the sales of her campaign auto-
biography having fallen off sharply,
it was decided to re-issue it as a
Romney Gives PBS the Bird
Having heard that Michele Bachmann will be the next GOP
hopeful to go hunting in Iowa, these Ring-Necked
Pheasants decided to play possum.
There are optimists, like Roy Edroso, who say, "Perry is
George W. Bush minus 20 IQ points."  And then there
are the pessimists.
Rick Santorum in Iowa Hunting for Ring-Necked Peasants
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #348
Phillip Kayser
"Senator Sorenson wanted me to tell you that Iowa
Republicans think Ron Paul's racist newsletters and crazy
positions are features, not bugs."
Texas taxpayers are spending $400,000 a month to 'secure'
Governor Perry as he traipses around the country,
embarrassing the hell out of the Lone Star State. And
what's the taxpayer's return on investment? Currently,
Perry is polling dead last--at 2%--in New Hampshire.
And that's among his fellow Republicans!