Saturday, July 08, 2006

Steve Jobs' latest product innovation is aimed at the French
market and has been tentatively named, La Pomme Grosse de
Terreur. What it will be used for is still a closely guarded secret.
"I am a cyborg and my name is Haute Couture.
My creator is a parasite on the plutocracy, and
I exist because he is better at blowing smoke
up people's asses than he is at telling fart jokes.
And now I must move along to make room for
the next affront to animal intelligence."
Blogger Checking Up On the Competition
The melting point of gold is 1064 ° C. In the molten state, it is
pretty useless. But frozen, it's better than cold cash.
Pascal Lamy is a man of many talents.
He is Director-General of the World
Trade Organization, an accomplished
Ben Gazzara impersonator, and a master
of Here's the Church, Here's the Steeple.
The yak skull reminded the traveler that some 'Ships of the
Plateau' sink.
Pallbearers at Ken Lay's Funeral
There were moments when Secretary Supertanker was bored
to tears by the President's blather.
Holding the record for the
tallest flagpole in the world
makes North Korea very proud.
Border Collie Rounds Up Disciples of the Aflac Duck
President About to Be Run Over by Peace Train
What business does a priest have at the 5th World Meeting of Families?
And he huffed and he puffed, but he couldn't
blow the North Korean house down.
Ambassador Bolton always resented it when someone
else was in front of the microphone.
No, he's really not a rocket scientist, but he
did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Before you get all teary-eyed over this
abandoned dog, take a look at the wall
behind it. Yes, the dog does have some
artistic talent, but its owner simply
couldn't stand Naive Canine art. So he
dumped the beast.

The trend in haute couture is sartorial
minimalism, whereby the price of an
outfit goes up as the percentage of the
body covered goes down. The logical
end point of this trend will be when it
costs a fortune to walk around nude.
Maniche Ribeiro's head isn't nearly so much thick
as it is leathery. He is what William James would
have called a 'tough-minded man'.
With the introduction of the Smart ForTwo automobile,
the robot-powered rickshaw can't be far behind.
On Saturday, roulette chips will be set free in Atlantic City.
President Bush will be on hand to celebrate yet another
victory in his campaign to liberate the world.
Photographer Aboard Air Force One Accused of Treason
for Revealing Existence of Large Midwestern City
What Happens If You Don't Support the Troops
Duchess of Cornwall Wears Hat Commemorating
Last Year's London Bombings
Baghdad Seen Through the Prism of Civil War
If you really want to make an impression on the
guests at your next soirée, serve them crickets
with prickly-pear jelly on bagel crisps.
Webwatchers Watching Weatherwatcher
Watching Weather

President Terrified by Improvised Birthday Device
Scooter Girl About to Be Blessed by Lurking Pope
Kick boxing has nothing on modern tennis.
Man has been called Homo sapiens, Homo faber,
Homo symbolicus, Homo religiosus, Homo viator,
Homo interneticus, and Homo absurdus. All of these
denominations seem to miss something about man
that this picture makes plain.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

64 Cent Questions
1. Is the Pope Catholic?
2. Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?
3. Does a bear shit in the woods?
4. Is Keira Knightley anorexic?
If you insist on wrapping yourself in your nation's
flag, at least do it stylishly, like this Italian.
"Charles," Jim said, "I know you're 66-years-old.
So, is that a woodpecker in your briefs, or what?"
They call it the Tour de France. But it's actually only an
excuse for grown men to play Follow the Leader.
"I'm Franklin Foer, editor of The New Republic. My boss
pays me to express opinions, like this one: 'The liberal
blogosphere are a group of people who feel incredibly
disenfranchised. They feel their country's been hijacked
and they're essentially powerless and the only way to
stop it is to scream as loudly as you can'. By contrast, as
one of the country's hijackers, I feel incredibly enfranchised
and powerful. That's why I'm whispering right now."
Tour De Pinocchios Intersects Tour de France
President Bush Reaches Out to Swells at Fort Braggart
Secretary Rice Greets Charlie Chaplin Impersonator
After a hard night of heavy breeding, the
Siberian tiger was just about pooped.
Said Japan's UN Ambassador Kenzo Oshima,
"North Korea, you make me sad."
"In just a few more days, they're not going
to have me to kick around anymore!"
This is a picture of animal rights activists in
Spain protesting the 'running of the bulls'.
They are all stripped to their underpants.
Use your imagination.
How to Entertain Your Kids #1
1. Obtain a video of the winner of the
hotdog-eating contest eating hotdogs.
2. Tell your kids the video shows how
hotdogs are made.
3. Play the video in reverse.
4. Observe your kids glued to the TV,
screaming "Gross!" with delight.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

All Honest Abe could do was hang his head
when photographed between the President
of Georgia and the President of the U. S.
Ed Morrissey, Proprietor of
Captain's Quarters, Unmasked
Gray Lady, But Not the New York Times
"Hey, put me down, Buster! It's July 5th already!"
Some people wave flags.
Some people wear flags.
Some people are flags.
Is this fellow a raving lunatic, a soccer player,
or both?
Having devoured 53.75 hot dogs
to win the eating contest, Takeru
Kobayashi was now ready for a
bite of dessert.