Steve Jobs' latest product innovation is aimed at the French

market and has been tentatively named, La Pomme Grosse de

Terreur. What it will be used for is still a closely guarded secret.

"I am a cyborg and my name is Haute Couture.

My creator is a parasite on the plutocracy, and

I exist because he is better at blowing smoke

up people's asses than he is at telling fart jokes.

And now I must move along to make room for

the next affront to animal intelligence."

Blogger Checking Up On the Competition

The melting point of gold is 1064 ° C. In the molten state, it is

pretty useless. But frozen, it's better than cold cash.

Pascal Lamy is a man of many talents.

He is Director-General of the World

Trade Organization, an accomplished

Ben Gazzara impersonator, and a master

of Here's the Church, Here's the Steeple.

The yak skull reminded the traveler that some 'Ships of the

Plateau' sink.

Pallbearers at Ken Lay's Funeral

There were moments when Secretary Supertanker was bored

to tears by the President's blather.

Holding the record for the

tallest flagpole in the world

makes North Korea very proud.

Border Collie Rounds Up Disciples of the Aflac Duck

President About to Be Run Over by Peace Train

What business does a priest have at the 5th World Meeting of Families?

And he huffed and he puffed, but he couldn't

blow the North Korean house down.

Ambassador Bolton always resented it when someone

else was in front of the microphone.

No, he's really not a rocket scientist, but he

did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Before you get all teary-eyed over this

abandoned dog, take a look at the wall

behind it. Yes, the dog does have some

artistic talent, but its owner simply

couldn't stand Naive Canine art. So he

dumped the beast.

The trend in haute couture is sartorial

minimalism, whereby the price of an

outfit goes up as the percentage of the

body covered goes down. The logical

end point of this trend will be when it

costs a fortune to walk around nude.

Maniche Ribeiro's head isn't nearly so much thick

as it is leathery. He is what William James would

have called a 'tough-minded man'.

With the introduction of the Smart ForTwo automobile,

the robot-powered rickshaw can't be far behind.

On Saturday, roulette chips will be set free in Atlantic City.

President Bush will be on hand to celebrate yet another

victory in his campaign to liberate the world.

Photographer Aboard Air Force One Accused of Treason

for Revealing Existence of Large Midwestern City

What Happens If You Don't Support the Troops

Duchess of Cornwall Wears Hat Commemorating

Last Year's London Bombings

Baghdad Seen Through the Prism of Civil War

If you really want to make an impression on the

guests at your next soirée, serve them crickets

with prickly-pear jelly on bagel crisps.

Webwatchers Watching Weatherwatcher

Watching Weather

President Terrified by Improvised Birthday Device

Scooter Girl About to Be Blessed by Lurking Pope

Kick boxing has nothing on modern tennis.

Man has been called Homo sapiens, Homo faber,

Homo symbolicus, Homo religiosus, Homo viator,

Homo interneticus, and Homo absurdus. All of these

denominations seem to miss something about man

that this picture makes plain.

64 Cent Questions

1. Is the Pope Catholic?

2. Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?

3. Does a bear shit in the woods?

4. Is Keira Knightley anorexic?

If you insist on wrapping yourself in your nation's

flag, at least do it stylishly, like this Italian.

"Charles," Jim said, "I know you're 66-years-old.

So, is that a woodpecker in your briefs, or what?"

They call it the Tour de France. But it's actually only an

excuse for grown men to play Follow the Leader.

"I'm Franklin Foer, editor of The New Republic. My boss

pays me to express opinions, like this one: 'The liberal

blogosphere are a group of people who feel incredibly

disenfranchised. They feel their country's been hijacked

and they're essentially powerless and the only way to

stop it is to scream as loudly as you can'. By contrast, as

one of the country's hijackers, I feel incredibly enfranchised

and powerful. That's why I'm whispering right now."

Tour De Pinocchios Intersects Tour de France

President Bush Reaches Out to Swells at Fort Braggart

Secretary Rice Greets Charlie Chaplin Impersonator

After a hard night of heavy breeding, the

Siberian tiger was just about pooped.

Said Japan's UN Ambassador Kenzo Oshima,

"North Korea, you make me sad."

"In just a few more days, they're not going

to have me to kick around anymore!"

This is a picture of animal rights activists in

Spain protesting the 'running of the bulls'.

They are all stripped to their underpants.

Use your imagination.

How to Entertain Your Kids #1

1. Obtain a video of the winner of the

hotdog-eating contest eating hotdogs.

2. Tell your kids the video shows how

hotdogs are made.

3. Play the video in reverse.
4. Observe your kids glued to the TV,

screaming "Gross!" with delight.

All Honest Abe could do was hang his head

when photographed between the President

of Georgia and the President of the U. S.

Ed Morrissey, Proprietor of

Captain's Quarters, Unmasked

Gray Lady, But Not the New York Times

"Hey, put me down, Buster! It's July 5th already!"

Some people wave flags.

Some people wear flags.

Some people are flags.

Is this fellow a raving lunatic, a soccer player,

or both?

Having devoured 53.75 hot dogs

to win the eating contest, Takeru

Kobayashi was now ready for a

bite of dessert.