Old Men with Guns #8

Kurt R. Myers

First came Wes Craven's Shocker.

Then came Michelle Shocked.

Warm Scuzzies #379

Dr. Beverly Hall

Climbers who had ascended the North Face were 

reluctant to admit they had also descended the 

South Butt.

"Please, please, please understand me!

Being a Republican who's evolving

on gay marriage is much more painful

than you might think!"

"Sheesh, I know all about meterologists!  One hundred 

and sixy-five million years ago the weather forecaster 

said, 'Fair and mild'. And so I took a long crawl.  

Look at me now!"

Granted, he had been a resident of Heaven for 

only a short time, but he still hadn't evinced

 the slightest interest in its streets of gold or

 its foundation inlaid with twelve precious 

stones.  For some unknown reason, he

was content to just snooze and suckle.

"Heh, heh, heh!  This guy obviously has bought into the 

urban legend that Tarantula was just a B movie about

a rogue spider.  Isn't he going to be surprised!"

In the House of Representatives, it was generally agreed 

that the Speechless Machine had been a quantum tech-

 nological leap over the Teleprompter.

What Mantises Do When They're Not Praying

Which would be the first to admit it could no longer 

read the paper without glasses---the dog or the cat?

North Korea's Maximum Leader Threatens to Loose 

His Dog of War, Kim Jong-Cerberus

Turning 80 in June and after 40 years as Alaska's

only member of the House of Representatives, it 

would appear there aren't that many apologies

left in Don Young.

Good Friday?  Oh, yeah!

Frackenstein's Monster

"Oh, my aching egghead!"

Willie Nelson Sez:  "I never thought of  marriage as 

something only for men and women. But I'd never 

marry a guy who's disgusting to kiss, like Brad Pitt."

"What's the dude on the cross saying?"

"I'm not positive, but I think he's singing,

'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'."

Lady Texans, Get Ready for

Doctor Invasive

"For the life of me, I can't figure out why my nickname

is 'Jaws'."

"When I was growing up in central California, we used

 to hire 50 to 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes.  And when

 I say 'wetbacks', I mean no disrespect:  they were 

honest, hard-working wetbacks.”

"You know, Father, we're getting too

old for all of this kneeling business."

"Yes, Father, I blew out my knees

praying years ago."

Pope Francis Breaks Rules, Washes Women's Feet

Instead of Following Jesus' Example Who Only Washed

Men's Feet But Allowed Women to Wet His Feet with

Their Tears and Wipe Them with Their Hair

American Schutzstaffel #19

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #18

Bill Ketron

Uh-oh,  no Ishtar Rabbit this year!

World's Worst Yobs #280

David Brody

They built the 'danged fence'---it was

 18 feet tall---just so Senator John 

McCain could watch a Mexicans

 climb over it.

Park Service Police Say Texas Politico Is 

'Rude, Irate, and Gohmertesque'

"Of course, predictions are hard, especially 

about the future."

Would someone please inform John Kass, columnist for

the Chicago Tribune and member of the Greek Orthodox

Church, that he shouldn't confuse 'freedom of bigotry'

 with 'freedom of religion'?

How sad it must be to be David Dewhurst,

a centimillionaire who was defeated by 

McCarthyite teabagger Ted Cruz and was

suckered by Buddy Barfield, his campaign

manager and big-money embezzler.

Mop Sink or Muslim Foot Spa?

Tennesseans want to know.

"God's in his Heaven,

David Petraeus has apologized,

All's right with the world!"

Buzz Bissinger Spends $587,412.97 on

 Designer Clothing in Just Three Years,

Still Looks Like a Mook

"Prince Rebus is crapping on my legacy!"

“Is Joe McCarthy someone you admire?”

”I’m not going to engage in the back and forth 

and the attacks.”

"Chuck Hagel and the Harvard Law School 

faculty will be surprised to hear that."

When he finally returned to Earth, Jesus first appeared

at the new $130,000,000 First Baptist Vatican in Dallas.

Plan Being Developed to Build the Great Wall of Iowa 

for the Purpose of Keeping the Mexicans Out and

Steve King In

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #483

Bill Diss

"By the way, I'm a Syrian moderate."

"Yeah, me too."

Old Men with Guns #7

Gian Luigi Ferri

"O guns, thou art our salvation!"

What was it about Megan McArdle that made 

people confuse her with Mechagodzilla?

Relax non-human primates!  The McWrap only 

poses a threat to species Homo Sapiens.

"Even though I can't say for sure that wasps

ever get married per se, I'm with Senator

Mark Warner when it comes to marriage

equality."

Watery Tart Going Down for the Third Time

"Hey, this isn't the Potty Mouth Channel!"

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #79

My Big Semi-Automatic Wedding