Saturday, March 30, 2013

Old Men with Guns #8
Kurt R. Myers
First came Wes Craven's Shocker.

Then came Michelle Shocked.
Warm Scuzzies #379
Dr. Beverly Hall

Friday, March 29, 2013

Climbers who had ascended the North Face were 
reluctant to admit they had also descended the 
South Butt.
"Please, please, please understand me!
Being a Republican who's evolving
on gay marriage is much more painful
than you might think!"
"Sheesh, I know all about meterologists!  One hundred 
and sixy-five million years ago the weather forecaster 
said, 'Fair and mild'. And so I took a long crawl.  
Look at me now!"
Granted, he had been a resident of Heaven for 
only a short time, but he still hadn't evinced
 the slightest interest in its streets of gold or
 its foundation inlaid with twelve precious 
stones.  For some unknown reason, he
was content to just snooze and suckle.
"Heh, heh, heh!  This guy obviously has bought into the 
urban legend that Tarantula was just a B movie about
a rogue spider.  Isn't he going to be surprised!"
In the House of Representatives, it was generally agreed 
that the Speechless Machine had been a quantum tech-
 nological leap over the Teleprompter.
What Mantises Do When They're Not Praying
Which would be the first to admit it could no longer 
read the paper without glasses---the dog or the cat?
North Korea's Maximum Leader Threatens to Loose 
His Dog of War, Kim Jong-Cerberus
Turning 80 in June and after 40 years as Alaska's
only member of the House of Representatives, it 
would appear there aren't that many apologies
left in Don Young.
Good Friday?  Oh, yeah!
Frackenstein's Monster
"Oh, my aching egghead!"
Willie Nelson Sez:  "I never thought of  marriage as 
something only for men and women. But I'd never 
marry a guy who's disgusting to kiss, like Brad Pitt."
"What's the dude on the cross saying?"
"I'm not positive, but I think he's singing,
'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'."
Lady Texans, Get Ready for
Doctor Invasive
"For the life of me, I can't figure out why my nickname
is 'Jaws'."
"When I was growing up in central California, we used
 to hire 50 to 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes.  And when
 I say 'wetbacks', I mean no disrespect:  they were 
honest, hard-working wetbacks.”
"You know, Father, we're getting too
old for all of this kneeling business."
"Yes, Father, I blew out my knees
praying years ago."
Pope Francis Breaks Rules, Washes Women's Feet
Instead of Following Jesus' Example Who Only Washed
Men's Feet But Allowed Women to Wet His Feet with
Their Tears and Wipe Them with Their Hair

Thursday, March 28, 2013

American Schutzstaffel #19
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #18
Bill Ketron
Uh-oh,  no Ishtar Rabbit this year!
World's Worst Yobs #280
David Brody

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

They built the 'danged fence'---it was
 18 feet tall---just so Senator John 
McCain could watch a Mexicans
 climb over it.
Park Service Police Say Texas Politico Is 
'Rude, Irate, and Gohmertesque'
"Of course, predictions are hard, especially 
about the future."
Would someone please inform John Kass, columnist for
the Chicago Tribune and member of the Greek Orthodox
Church, that he shouldn't confuse 'freedom of bigotry'
 with 'freedom of religion'?
How sad it must be to be David Dewhurst,
a centimillionaire who was defeated by 
McCarthyite teabagger Ted Cruz and was
suckered by Buddy Barfield, his campaign
manager and big-money embezzler.
Mop Sink or Muslim Foot Spa?
Tennesseans want to know.
"God's in his Heaven,
David Petraeus has apologized,
All's right with the world!"
Buzz Bissinger Spends $587,412.97 on
 Designer Clothing in Just Three Years,
Still Looks Like a Mook
"Prince Rebus is crapping on my legacy!"
“Is Joe McCarthy someone you admire?”
”I’m not going to engage in the back and forth 
and the attacks.”
"Chuck Hagel and the Harvard Law School 
faculty will be surprised to hear that."
When he finally returned to Earth, Jesus first appeared
at the new $130,000,000 First Baptist Vatican in Dallas.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Plan Being Developed to Build the Great Wall of Iowa 
for the Purpose of Keeping the Mexicans Out and
Steve King In
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #483
Bill Diss
"By the way, I'm a Syrian moderate."
"Yeah, me too."
Old Men with Guns #7
Gian Luigi Ferri

Monday, March 25, 2013

"O guns, thou art our salvation!"
What was it about Megan McArdle that made 
people confuse her with Mechagodzilla?
Relax non-human primates!  The McWrap only 
poses a threat to species Homo Sapiens.
"Even though I can't say for sure that wasps
ever get married per se, I'm with Senator
Mark Warner when it comes to marriage
Watery Tart Going Down for the Third Time
"Hey, this isn't the Potty Mouth Channel!"
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #79
My Big Semi-Automatic Wedding