Mexican Canine Blockade Broken by Chihuahuan Airlift

Ernie Els had always been told that the SAP logo on his cap

and shirt stood for Systeme, Anwendungen und Produkte.

But it suddenly dawned on him one day that it might stand

for something more intuitive.

Don't be surprised if you someday find your portrait
 hanging on Dustin Hoffman's wall.

Daniel Pehrson, Founder and President of the Pennsylvania

Firearm Owners Association, currently holds the record for

bagging the most Domino's Pizza delivery drivers in a single week.

World's Worst Yobs #8

Chris Matthews

Mark Halperin, late of The Note, says, "I don't mind if

people blog -- but they should apply high standards of

journalism." If they don't (or won't), he adds: "The best

solution is for serious consumers of news to write letters

to the editor." Asked what writing instrument these

consumers of news should use, he says he favors the

Conway Stewart Limited Edition Plymouth Pilgrims

Fountain Pen (street price: $1,869).

As the soldiers were burning the marijuana, the wind

suddenly shifted toward Mexico City.

That's when the motorcycle cops started acting all funny and stuff.

El Mariachi Loco Posing with Members of

Los Hermanos Mora Arriaga

Paris Hilton Heads to Jail to the Tune of

'Turn Out the Lights, the Party's Over'

George Walker Bush As a Child

Have you ever wished you could shake water off the

way a horse does? "Neigh," you say?

Anti-Immigration Protester Deported for

Apostrophe Smuggling

Apache on the Warpath

While it's true Alexandra Gurin has lost her balance and

is about to crash and burn, you have to admit she's doing

it with élan.

God was so boring He even put James Dobson and

George Bush to sleep.

As is obvious in this photo from Cretacic Park,

Evo Morales, the President of Bolivia, has violated

the rule, "Do NOT Feed the Dinosaurs."

Today was to be the big showdown between the Black Hats
and the White Hats. So it was more than a little
embarrassing when he showed up bareheaded.

"What's this 'quid' shit, Your Highness? If you want to buy

my hat, you'll have to pay in good old American wampum."

The Dingbat in the Hat

"That's right, young lady. Your gown makes you look like

a big helping of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Yum, yum!"

"To tell the truth, Jerry, I couldn't spend $400 on a haircut,

even if I wanted to."

"Hi, I'm Li Hong, and I'll be your server this evening.

Today's special is pizza. Are you ready to order?"

If you are one of those folks who enjoys living in the spotlight,

you may well find this creation from Viktor & Rolf irresistible.

Cane Toad

McCain Toad

Q: What is black and white and red all over?

A: Ann Coulter with a sunburn.

Björk Dressed As Jackson Pollock's Dropcloth

"Jeez, that moustache is such an obvious fake!"

"He ain't heavy, he's my homie."

"The red lights flash first, Mr. President, then the
 white lights.  Why this is so is the subject of intense
 debate among my buddies, but I'm inclined to 
accept it as one of life's little mysteries."

Debbie Schlussel,

the Ugly Ann Coulter

"And as you know, my position is clear --

I'm the Master and Commander Guy."

To tell Ninel Conde was a singer, all you

had to do was see her powerful lungs.

When Liu Cen said she was head over heels in love,

she meant it.

Jelena Jankovic Executing One of the Most Difficult

Moves in Tennis: The Crotch Shot

"When I see," wrote Thomas Sowell, "the worsening

degeneracy in our politicians, our media, our educators,

and our intelligentsia, I can't help wondering if the

day may yet come when the only thing that can save

this country is a military coup." Then, putting down his pen,

he attempted to commit suicide by swallowing a whole bottle

of Pepto-Bismol.

World's Worst Jobs #36

Indian Truck Tire Unloader

Cat Finds Asphalt Shingle Roof Not So Hot

Half-Hearted Russian Nationalist

Your field guide collection won't be complete

until you acquire this title.

There's nothing quite so satisfying as eating a

deep-fried starfish-on-a-stick.

The hat had worked just fine for her until the time came

for spring migration. That's when she understood why

the design was called 'Fly Away Home'.

Wenderson Arruda has learned one of life's most

important lessons: "When uncertain, when in doubt,

run in circles, scream and shout."

It was obvious he had 'Champion' written all over him.

Warning

No Woolgathering Beyond This Point

"I'm made to look ridiculous just so some candyass

hiker can wear a pair of Dahlgren Dri-Stride Socks?

Sheesh, we alpacas get no respect!"

"Wow, Mr. President, I see that your right testicle has finally descended."

"Did you know, Pete, that I have a pair of cammie

jammies just like yours?"

President Bush is quite fond of Mother Pucker's

Wild Persimmon Pudding.