Saturday, January 07, 2012

Rick Santorum and His Terrible Swift Sword
"Abortion should be an option for me,
but not for thee."
Poll Puts Perry at 5%, Fifth in South
Carolina; "He Doesn't Have a
Prayer," Observers Say
Representative Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) has been named
one of the 'Sultriest Members of Congress'.  'Sultry' is an
adjective meaning 'hot and humid'.  Synonyms of 'sultry'
include 'stuffy', 'muggy', and 'stifling'. 
Warm Scuzzies #252
Brian Pierick
Warm Scuzzies #251
Thad Viers
Old Skool

New Skool
Newt's Anti-Romney Bomb Dropped on New Hampshire
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #349
Mike O'Neal

Friday, January 06, 2012

World's Worst Yobs #235
John Kobylt
Boston Globe Endorses Jon 'Washboard Abs' Huntsman
President McCain Confuses Barack Obama with
Mitt Romney
People could no longer utter his name without laughing,
so he decided to change it from 'Rick Santorum'
to 'Double Entendre'.
Three Stooges React to Meeting New Hampshire State
 Legislators Bob Kingsbury, Lucien Vita, and Tim Twombly

Oxymorons for Our Time #118
Political Outsider
"I see from your financial disclosure forms, Rick, that
you're now a millionaire by virtue of having become
 a stealth lobbyist since you left the Senate.  You must
have a degree from the same School of Quid Pro Quo
Newt Gingrich does."

Thursday, January 05, 2012

"Wow, that must be a really old Nutty Buddy!  
They stopped putting Don Surber pins in
 them shortly after they quit putting Smilin'
Jack pins in boxes of Kellog's Pep."
"Get this:  they were bra size 1222B!  I tell you, I can feel
 those Guinness-world-record bazongas right now!"
By nature, a humbug doesn't know the words.
God (god) n. 1.  A being so omnipotent, omniscient,
 and omnipresent that, one day, in a fit of pique,
it proved it didn't exist.
Fearguth's Rules of Order #50
When you meet a monkey on the road, don't assume it has
 dandruff.  It could be just a chilly primate in need of a
ride.
Romney Doing His Impression of Frankenstein's Monster
Selling a 1978 AMC Pacer
"How odd!  This deck has only
one joker."
In Borat's homeland,
they call this
'Santoruming at the Mouth'.
When Governor Perry tweeted, "Here we come South
Carolina!!!", Texas replied, "Stay there, Governor!  We
 don't need you, and, besides, that's where secessionists
belong!!!"
Frothy Campaign Finance in New Hampshire
"Welcome to Tastee Froth!  How
may I serve you?"
"Oh goody, they're showing those really creepy cartoons
 on Boomerang again!"
'Leaner Military' is a locution that inspires
about as much confidence as 'Leaner Oprah'.
Little by little, inch by inch, the muck
from Scott Walker's political past
keeps rising.  Before long, he's going
to need fins, mask, and a snorkel.
"I am getting to know Mitt Romney."
"I think you’ll find the only difference between Mitt
 Romney and most other people is that he has a
lot more money and it's taxed at a lower rate than
what a busdriver pays."
"I suppose that's why Mitt is refusing to release
his tax returns."
"Your supposition is correct."
"But that doesn't seem right or fair."
"Rightness or fairness has nothing to do with it. 
It's all legal and that's all that matters to
Mitt Romney."
"No, no, no, you idiot!  It's 9-9-9!"
Movement Conservatives Meet Near Brenham, Texas,
to Vote on Their Favorite Blue Bell Flavor of the Month:
Mocha Almond Fudge, Tin Roof, or Caramel
Kettle Crunch

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Ross Douthat

Shorter Ross Douthat
Despite Nimrods, Iran No Closer to Bomb
“In an unprecedented move, President Obama has
 arrogantly circumvented the American people,
especially little old me.”
"I have decided to stand aside and let the
heathens mock the heavens."
Mitt Romney Explaining What It Felt Like
to Crush Frothy by 8 Votes
"Before last night, Governor Perry, when asked what
you would do after Iowa, you said, 'That's God's will.
There might be an outcome that He decides that I
wouldn't go on.'  Would you say that getting only
10.3% of the vote might be such an outcome?"
Angry Newt Heads for New Hampshire
Feud Erupts Among Ugly Scientologists
Although the endorsement was for Mitt Romney, the
focus (as always) was on John McCain.
With the price of Starbuck's going up, Ray Lengend's
career as the 'Frappucino Firebomber' was cut short.
"Yeah, she says her date stood her up and that she's
donating her shirt to the Salvation Army."

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

The Gray Lady Speaks
Oxymorons for Our Time #117
Preventive War
"Ron Paul, you're disgusting!"
"You should talk, Frothy!"
"Fly faster or Secretary Panetta will catch us
and slash our budget!"