Rick Santorum and His Terrible Swift Sword

"Abortion should be an option for me,

but not for thee."

Poll Puts Perry at 5%, Fifth in South

Carolina; "He Doesn't Have a

Prayer," Observers Say

Representative Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) has been named

one of the 'Sultriest Members of Congress'.  'Sultry' is an

adjective meaning 'hot and humid'.  Synonyms of 'sultry'

include 'stuffy', 'muggy', and 'stifling'. 

Warm Scuzzies #252

Brian Pierick

Warm Scuzzies #251

Thad Viers

Old Skool

New Skool

Newt's Anti-Romney Bomb Dropped on New Hampshire

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #349

Mike O'Neal

World's Worst Yobs #235

John Kobylt

Boston Globe Endorses Jon 'Washboard Abs' Huntsman

President McCain Confuses Barack Obama with

Mitt Romney

People could no longer utter his name without laughing,

so he decided to change it from 'Rick Santorum'

to 'Double Entendre'.

Three Stooges React to Meeting New Hampshire State

 Legislators Bob Kingsbury, Lucien Vita, and Tim Twombly

Oxymorons for Our Time #118

Political Outsider

"I see from your financial disclosure forms, Rick, that

you're now a millionaire by virtue of having become

 a stealth lobbyist since you left the Senate.  You must

have a degree from the same School of Quid Pro Quo

Newt Gingrich does."

"Wow, that must be a really old Nutty Buddy!  

They stopped putting Don Surber pins in

 them shortly after they quit putting Smilin'

Jack pins in boxes of Kellog's Pep."

"Get this:  they were bra size 1222B!  I tell you, I can feel

 those Guinness-world-record bazongas right now!"

By nature, a humbug doesn't know the words.

God (god) n. 1.  A being so omnipotent, omniscient,

 and omnipresent that, one day, in a fit of pique,

it proved it didn't exist.

Fearguth's Rules of Order #50

When you meet a monkey on the road, don't assume it has

 dandruff.  It could be just a chilly primate in need of a

ride.

Romney Doing His Impression of Frankenstein's Monster

Selling a 1978 AMC Pacer

"How odd!  This deck has only

one joker."

In Borat's homeland,

they call this

'Santoruming at the Mouth'.

When Governor Perry tweeted, "Here we come South

Carolina!!!", Texas replied, "Stay there, Governor!  We

 don't need you, and, besides, that's where secessionists

belong!!!"

Frothy Campaign Finance in New Hampshire

"Welcome to Tastee Froth!  How

may I serve you?"

"Oh goody, they're showing those really creepy cartoons

 on Boomerang again!"

'Leaner Military' is a locution that inspires

about as much confidence as 'Leaner Oprah'.

Little by little, inch by inch, the muck

from Scott Walker's political past

keeps rising.  Before long, he's going

to need fins, mask, and a snorkel.

"I am getting to know Mitt Romney."

"I think you’ll find the only difference between Mitt

 Romney and most other people is that he has a

lot more money and it's taxed at a lower rate than

what a busdriver pays."

"I suppose that's why Mitt is refusing to release

his tax returns."

"Your supposition is correct."

"But that doesn't seem right or fair."

"Rightness or fairness has nothing to do with it. 

It's all legal and that's all that matters to

Mitt Romney."

"No, no, no, you idiot!  It's 9-9-9!"

Movement Conservatives Meet Near Brenham, Texas,

to Vote on Their Favorite Blue Bell Flavor of the Month:

Mocha Almond Fudge, Tin Roof, or Caramel

Kettle Crunch

Ross Douthat

Shorter Ross Douthat

Despite Nimrods, Iran No Closer to Bomb

“In an unprecedented move, President Obama has

 arrogantly circumvented the American people,

especially little old me.”

"I have decided to stand aside and let the

heathens mock the heavens."

Mitt Romney Explaining What It Felt Like

to Crush Frothy by 8 Votes

"Before last night, Governor Perry, when asked what

you would do after Iowa, you said, 'That's God's will.

There might be an outcome that He decides that I

wouldn't go on.'  Would you say that getting only

10.3% of the vote might be such an outcome?"

Angry Newt Heads for New Hampshire

Feud Erupts Among Ugly Scientologists

Although the endorsement was for Mitt Romney, the

focus (as always) was on John McCain.

With the price of Starbuck's going up, Ray Lengend's

career as the 'Frappucino Firebomber' was cut short.

"Yeah, she says her date stood her up and that she's

donating her shirt to the Salvation Army."

The Gray Lady Speaks

Oxymorons for Our Time #117

Preventive War

"Ron Paul, you're disgusting!"

"You should talk, Frothy!"

"Fly faster or Secretary Panetta will catch us

and slash our budget!"