Trump of God Trumps Trump

Rick Santorum's struggle to name one of Marco Rubio's

achievements shouldn't be blamed on faulty memory.

It's because there aren't any, unless you count 

brandishing a sword and making Jeb Bush blush.

God created Martin Shkreli to make Ted Cruz look lovable.

Flag Desecration #90

"Lose the leash, buddy!  I was born to be wild!"

Who does Trump think he is---Orange Julius Caesar?

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #168

We Accept All Shekels, Drachmas, Denarii, 

and US Dollars

"Even Jimmy Carter likes me better than Ted!"

America's Largest Cross Begins Construction

 in Corpus Christi, Second Largest Cross 

Still Running for President

Bush Audience in New Hampshire Explains It Couldn't

Yawn and Clap at the Same Time

Going golfing?  Don't forget your balls!

His theory of why television was invented was so more 

people could watch the Miracle Blade III slice through

 wall tiles, hard rubber, and copper pipe.

Don't Call a Spade a Horticultural Implement

Carly Fiorina Thinks Fist of Jesus Will Carry Her to 

GOP Nomination

"Incoming Muslim, sir! Time to duck!"

"What's up with the bird?"

"I'm not certain, but I think it heard someone say,

'Rick Santorum frotheth no more.'"

World's Worst Yobs #348

Frank Buckley

Farina Fights to Get Invited to New Hampshire Debate

Little Known Fact #60

Having sex with a mosquito doubles the risk of 

contracting the Zika virus.

On February 9 in New Hampshire, Ted Cruz and Donald

Trump will live free or die.

"Yes, Tom, it's true: deodorant changes more 

than your smell."

Drink Corona!  It's Miles Away From Ordinary

"We simply cannot afford any further delay in

 transitioning from the Voodoo Economics of the

 Reagan years to the Zombie Economics of the 

Clinton era."

Aqua Buddha Turns On, Tunes In, and Drops Out

"To God goes the glory!"

After he completed The Last Supper, Leonardo da Vinci

did The Republican Savior's Last Autograph Session.

"We will carpet bomb them into oblivion. 

I don't know if sand can glow in the dark, 

but we're going to find out."

"The next time I hear Ted Cruz exult, 'To God goes the glory!', 

I'm going to re-think my No Flood policy!"

"This is the kind of ice cream cone that changes color

as you lick it.  Watch!"

Mike Huckabee Drops Out of Presidential Race,

Gathers Up Unopened Boxes of Squirrel Helper,

 and Goes Home

InstaBook

God Uses Cruz to Punish Trump in the Same Way 

He Used Nebuchadnezzar to Punish Judah

The Sixties Rise Again!

Carly Fiorina Is a No-Show at Her Own Iowa Caucus Party

The Masque of the Dead Clown

You are about to enter another dimension. 

Next stop, the Rhyme Zone!

"Forward, backward, inward, outward

Come and join the chase

Nothing could be drier 

Than a jolly Iowa caucus race."

Donald Trump Sez:  "There may be somebody with 

tomatoes in the audience. So if you see somebody getting 

ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, 

would you?"

"Incoming tomato, Commander Trump!"

"Shields up!"

Trump Mistakes Communion Plate for Collection Plate

"Urkin Jerkin is going postal around the oval!"

“Well, I was told that this interview is about the caucus 

tonight in Iowa and all you want to talk about is my 

Track record."

Tibetan Mastiff and His Animal Companion

Scary Movie

"Of course, Ted, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is

 lost, if you keep it a secret."

The Trumpelujah Chorus

"Trump-e-lujah! 

Trump-e-lujah! 

Trumpelujah! 

Trumpelujah! 

Trump-e-lu-jah!"

Cross-Border Raid Busts Chief Financial Officer, Three 

Vice-Presidents, the Human Resources Director, and 

19 First-Line Supervisors in El Chapo's Drug Cartel

Ex-Bird Brings Knife to

Gun Fight

"I like to make stuff up in two ways: firstly in my normal 

voice and then in a kind of silly high-pitched whine."