Saturday, August 29, 2009

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #22
The Wild Men of Wongo
Truth in Advertising #3
What if 'truth in advertising' really existed?
Confederate Scotsman Certified as the
World's Oldest Ted Kennedy Hater;
"I Began Hating Him in 1930, Two
Years Before He Was Born!"
Only seven months into his first term as President
of the United States, Barack Obama's opponents
had already begun to experience an acute shortage
of new nasty names to call him. Demand for fresh
terms of opprobrium far exceeded the supply,
thus leaving his opponents with only one,
very unpopular option: Invective Rationing.
"Whaddya mean I'm too 'photogenic' to
appear on I'm not any
more photogenic than Megan McArdle!"
If he had had one, Chuck Grassley would have
pulled the plug on his Grandma long ago. That's
just the way he was.
Whiteworld #1
William F. Buckley, Jr.

"The central question that emerges . . . is whether the
White community in the South is entitled to take such
measures as are necessary to prevail, politically and
culturally, in areas in which it does not prevail numerically?
The sobering answer is Yes – the White community is so
entitled because, for the time being, it is the advanced
race. It is not easy, and it is unpleasant, to adduce
statistics evidencing the cultural superiority of White
over Negro: but it is a fact that obtrudes, one that
cannot be hidden by ever-so-busy egalitarians
and anthropologists."
Flag Desecration #22
The Iraqi shoe thrower, who had been jailed for
good behavior, has been released from jail early
for the same reason: good behavior.
"Let us not forget the Eleventh Commandment, Rick:
'Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican'."

"Or the Twelfth, Kay: 'The Governor of Texas is exempt
from the Eleventh Commandment'."
"Activia gives me the shits, just like Glenn Beck!"
UPDATE: Father of Kidnapper Says Son Is "Absolutely
Out of His Mind, Just Like Those Teabaggers"
How Andrew Breitbart Imagined His Passing
Would Be Commemorated Some Day

How His Passing Was Actually Commemorated
When you first see Peter Kirsanow, this question
immediately comes to mind: "Where's Muttley?"
"My appearance to the contrary notwithstanding,
I am not undead."
The Man Who Loved Cat Spanking

Warm Scuzzies #4
Michael Enzi

Friday, August 28, 2009

"Every time you wear Boss #6, Charlie, I know you
have something really big for me in mind!"

If you had a chin as weak as Bob Owens',
you might be a Confederate Yankee, too.
Regardless of the outcome of the current free-for-all
over health care reform, one thing's for damn sure:
one hundred years from now, everyone on every side
of the controversy will be dead and gone. Some of
you may find this prospect comforting.
Proponents of Health Care Reform Considering
Renaming 'Public Option' as Either 'Fountain
of Youth Option', 'Eternal Life Option', or
'Wall-to-Wall Pussy Option'
"I don't care that you've bitten the dust.
That's even more reason for you to floss
at least once a day."
A valuable lesson we've learned from this summer's
health-care-reform town halls is how dangerous it
would be to live in a country that's a democracy.
In print, Lt. Col. Ralph Peters sounds like
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman. In person,
he looks like Percy Dovetonsils.
Does anybody know why we don't have
health insurance companies with names
like BlueHammer/BlueSickle, Iranigroup,
Inhumana, and FragmentedHealth?
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #80
Selwyn Duke
President Obama and Nancy Pelosi are trying to make
Max Shireman, a project manager for Humana, cry.
Would they PLEASE leave him alone?
Michael McCallister, Humana CEO, Accused of
Plagiarizing John Bolton's Moustache
Blank Slate #8
Top Stories from August 28, 2009
"No You Can't Download That Flash Player Plug-in!"
"The 18 Books You'll Be Reading About This Fall"
"The Modern Man's Guide to Checking Out Girls on the Street"
"Help! My Girlfriend Wore the Same Bra for Two Weeks.
Is That Gross?"

will miscarry this weekend in Steamboat Springs.
Obama Loses His Mojo, Approval Rating Falls to 50%
Fans of Dr. Gene Scott, rejoice!

He has risen from the grave!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #79
Rex Rammell
"I would be happy to introduce you to Jonathan Chait,
but you need to tell me which version: 1.0, 2.0, or
3.0 Beta."
"How much is that Blue Doggy in the window?"
"Oh, about $1,500 a month."
"You mean I can't buy it outright?"
"Nah, you can only lease it with
an option to buy in 2010."
Ex-Stanford CFO James M. Davis Pleads Guilty in Fraud Case,
Regales His Pals with Tales of Sir Allen Stanford and His
$8 Billion Ponzi Scheme
Over a span of three hours, Andrew Breitbart called
Ted Kennedy a 'villain', 'a big ass motherf@#$er',
a 'duplicitous bastard', a
'prick', and 'a special pile
of human excrement'.
And that was while he was
still sober.
Look at the world through the prism of Fox News, Rush
Limbaugh, and the Drudge Report every day, and in no
time you, like Bob Collier, will be singing,
"Money, get back.

I'm all right jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, its a hit.
Don't give me that do goody good bullshit."
Larry Summers was next in line to succeed
Ben Bernanke as head of the Federal Reserve.
But he overslept.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #78
Lynn Jenkins
A Pair of Enhanced Interrogation Techniques
Used by the CIA to Obtain Useful Intelligence
from Female Terrorists
Nick Gillespie, Blago's Evil Twin
"Scruples? I don't need no stinkin' scruples!"
Smarter Than the Average Bear
Warm Scuzzies #3
Eric Stanger

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It has come to Fearguth's attention that Bildungblog
has just passed the 12,000 posts mark. How on Earth
did that happen?
"It's not when you sneak up behind me that scares
me shitless. It's when you say, 'William Jacobson
is a Professor of Law at Cornell.'"

AARP Poll: Only 8 in 10 Americans Back
Public Option; Will This Mean Health Care
Reform Is Doomed for Another 60 Years?