Saturday, June 30, 2007

"Yes, I suppose we could elevate the level of
political discourse if we really wanted to. But,
if I may speak frankly, it wouldn't be nearly as
much fun as hanging out and beating our
enemies to a bloody pulp."
"OK, we agree: I'm a dog and you're a pig. That being said,
could we now start elevating the level of our political
discourse just a bit?"
Women Condemn Decision of Federal Reserve Board to Maintain
Current Interest Rates on Loans from National Sperm Bank; Leaders
Claim Action Designed to Protect Obsolescent ReproductiveTechnology
Sawtooth Shark Charged with Vandalizing

University of Texas Logo
Hindu Holy Man Proclaims New 'Cricket Path' to Moksha
"'I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?' said the Spider to the Fly."

Howard Kurtz has one of those grins that
makes you appreciate a straight face.
"Hugo, baby, do you know where I could get my hands
on some petrol--and quick? This rationing shit is a
real pain in the gas!"
World's Worst Yobs #14
Tucker Carlson

The Spice Girls are Posh, Sporty, Ginger, Baby,
Scary, and Easy Virtue (not shown).
Were it not for the gutter, Ann Coulter
would be homeless.
"You're such a spaz, George! You've hooked another
one of those goddamn Flying Wallendas."

Big-Game Hunter Bags Elusive iPhone on Fifth Avenue

Friday, June 29, 2007

"Is it my fault that when I was born, Barb pulled a
Joker out of the deck, instead of an Ace?"
Veepenstein #11
The Baron's Fairy Godmother

"A lot of us worked hard to see if we couldn't find a common
ground on the Flabbergasterisk issue. It didn't work."
God Shows His Solidarity with All His Gay and Lesbian
Brothers and Sisters
On your next trip to Honolulu, be sure to check out
the 'Spam in the A.M.' at Burger King.

Some had questioned the wisdom of their marriage,
since he was 56, she only 29.

"No tongue, Sarko, no tongue!"
Once the German Chancellor established her legendary
eye-lock, the French Prime Minister didn't have a chance.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

"Justice Roberts, you and your conservative colleagues on 
the Court sure tore a new asshole in Brown v. Board today. 
 Next thing you know, you'll be receiving the Orval Faubus 
Award for School Resegregation."
When Jesus saw the cross hanging from Ann Coulter's
neck, He realized He had died in vain and vowed to
never come again.
Ted Klaudt, the former South Dakota Republican state representative
indicted on four counts of second-degree rape, has also been charged
with impersonating a hot-air balloon and looking large without a permit.
"You need to speak to whom? 28301-016? Oh,
he's right here. Hold just a moment, and I'll
put him on."
"No need to get excited, children. It's just another one
of those two-legged water striders."
The entire first printing of the Gerald Ford commemorative
issue has been scrapped. It seems the adhesive had been put
on the wrong side of the stamp.
NBC's David Gregory says if you strip away her inflammatory
rhetoric, the point Ann Coulter is trying to make about John
Edwards is that "he has been disingenuous about the size of
his tallywhacker."
President Bush sent a shockwave through the nation
yesterday when he announced he had converted to
Islam and is moving to Saudi Arabia.
National Anticrime Force Unveils Secret Weapon
to Root Out Illegal Drugs in Rio de Janeiro

Carlos and Jorge Joined Forces in a Futile Attempt
to Escape the Pull of Planet Soccer
Paris Hilton Reunited with Her Reflection
After Three-Week Hiatus
Congratulations! An anonymous donor has just given you a
wax figure of Deng Xiaoping and a Hongqi limousine. Do you
have any idea where would you like to put them?
Veepenstein #10
When the Baron needs someone to vivisect the Constitution,
he calls on David Addington, who is also credited with being
the butt of the world's first 'lawyer joke'.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

"Tell me, Monsieur Governator, when you hear someone shout,
'Sarko the Giant Rules!', doesn't it remind you of the Predator?"
Great Misadventures in Science #2
Stepford Wife Becomes First Lady
Michael Sandle's 'Iraq Triptych',
AKA 'Tony and Cherie Being Expelled from
10 Downing Street for Eating the Burning Bush'
Tony Blair has scarcely left office, and he is already
becoming just one more page in the history books.
Tony Blair's last official act as Prime Minister of Great
Britain was a tiny burp, followed by "Pardon me."
Predictably, no one said, "You're pardoned."
When Tony Blair left 10 Downing Street for the last time,
observers noted how close he has come to invisibility.

"Some people have criticized me for having Adolf Hitler
on Hardball. Say what you will, he's hot and he sells books,
just like Ann Coulter.”
Every time Manuel Quiroz sees Ann Coulter's face on TV,
he punishes himself by squeezing habanero pepper juice
into his eyes.
World's Worst Yobs #13
Grover Norquist
"Oh won't you put that down and take me, I'm yours
When will we have this chance again
Oh please just put that down and take me, I'm yours."
Veepenstein #9
The Baron's cardiovascular condition requires him to
watch what he eats. Following his doctor's advice, he
is now on the Bubble-Bubble-Toil-and-Trouble Diet.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

“If I’m going to say anything about John Edwards in the future,
I’ll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.
And I'm sure if it happens, I will be invited to narrate the event,
right here on Good Morning America.”
If you point and click, here are the possible outcomes:
(1) Fred Thompson will be elected President in 2008;
(2) Fred Thompson will be vaporized by an alien from
Mars Attacks!; or (3) the image will be enlarged. Are
you a gambler? Does risk make you salivate? Well,
click if you dare. Otherwise, move along, poltroon!
John McCain's Quest for the White House Sinks Deeper
and Deeper Into the Iraq War Quagmire
"I still remember the time I was sniffed in
The Situation Room by Wolf Blitzer. That's
when I started losing my hair."