Saturday, February 07, 2015

Erick the Heresy Hunter Sez:  "Barack Obama
 might as well come out as the atheist/agnostic
 that he is."
RedState Inquisitor Sez:  "Barack 
Obama is not, in any meaningful 
way, a Christian.  Burn him, I
decree, burn him!"
Jeb Bush Accuses Spider-Man of Building Web That Traps 
Poor People in Perpetual Dependence
"Tell me, Ghost of Breitbart Past, isn't the measles 'outbreak'
just a hoax to make us grab our children and obey the
So, Vladimir Putin was vaccinated for Despotic Russian 
Disorder but came down with Assburger's Syndrome,
instead.  Are the anti-vaxxers aware of this?
Ann Coulter says colleges are 'a left-wing industry that 
spends its days indoctrinating kids to hate Republicans'.  
That's her way of saying 'colleges exist so that education 
might possibly occur'.
If all the potential rapists in West Virginia pay attention
 to what Republican Brian Kurcaba says, they will be
better able to rationalize their behavior, to wit:  "Yes,
raping you is awful, but think of the beautiful child we 
are making together!"

Friday, February 06, 2015

"Oh my God, NO!" Scott Walker wailed as the Mark of
 Morris was tattooed on his forehead.
Brian Williams is now saying his real surname 
is Smellie, after his 18th-century ancestor, 
the obstetrician William Smellie.
Thick-Sweatered Scarborough Assails Thin-Skinned Paul
After leaking his secret guacamole recipe, the University 
of Oklahoma has been blacklisted from any future Jack 
White performances.  As a result, the University has decided 
to move to Texas and merge with Manuel and Theresa's 
School of Hair Design.
'How Bobby Jindal Wrecked Louisiana':  that's Rod Dreher, 
writing in The American Conservative, who now admits 
he was a fool to support the Louisiana governor.  Do you 
suppose exorcism might work to rid the state of this 
ideological demon? 
Mugabe Falls
New York City Subway Riders in 1946 Before Smartphones
Ruined Human Interaction
Obama's Lapdog

Netanyahu's Lapdog
If Kory Watkins and his BFF,  Lieutenant-Governor
Dan Patrick, have their way, the unlicensed open carry
of handguns in Texas will be legal.  Won't that be swell!
Koch Suspends 'Make It Happy' Tweet Campaign
 Designed to Combat 'Pervasive Online Negativity'
Jeb Bush is so mean he even scares Danny Trejo, and he's
the Dean of Mean!
"I'm next!" hollered Reverend Horton Heat, after
hearing that Pope Francis will be addressing Congress.
Here's how to sneak a candy bar in when you go to see
American Sniper at your local theater.  Protip: if you use a 
30-round clip, you can sneak in a Snickers AND a 
Milky Way.
Classic Frantz Fanon Work Now
Available in New Translation for
Auto Mechanics
Rand Paul Trolls Liberals by Getting a 
Left Shark Tattoo on His Right Arm

Thursday, February 05, 2015

The cover of this year's Sports Illustrated 
Swimsuit Issue features a topographical 
map showing the foothills at the base of 
Mons Venus.
"Oh my, the Broiled Cthulhu O'R'lyeh with 
Spiced Carrots isn't quite done!"
Whoever substituted 'discount' for 'cut rate' was probably 
the same guy who realized if you sold a $1 item for 99 
cents, people would think they were getting a discount 
and buy two of them.
Truth in Advertising #6
Before Blackout there was
Hot Damn! I'm Smashed!
Man Waiting for 50 Foot Woman to Show Up and Make 
Boiled Crab with Garlic-Vermouth Butter
Got apoplexy?  No?  Well, watch this show!
"Ah, print---the feel of a newspaper, 
the smell of the ink!"
"Is it true, Mr. Horowitz, that under your shirt, 
your skin is covered with 'subversive mosques'?"
Asked about stepping down as co-chair of Sony Pictures, 
Pascal said he would have to think about it.
The next time she heard 'Beep! Beep!' behind her, 
she pulled over.

When a Republican calls you a 'hater', tell him he's 
projecting and he'll start calling you a 'Freudian', 
Realizing his last name was a 'challenge', Jeb Bush 
decided to change it to Blaszczykowski.
 Like Pavlov's dog, when he heard 'Rand Paul', 
he started salivating for waffles.
Senator Paul Clarifies:  "I did not say vaccines caused
 disorders, just that they were temporally related—I did 
not allege causation."
[Clarification = Didn't screw up enough the first time; let's try again.]
Freddie the Freeloader Sez:  "People often confuse me with 
the Governor of New Jersey.  But I'm an honest bum and 
he's not."
When ISIS burns someone alive, it forces modern Christians 
to look into the distant mirror of the Middle Ages.
He really liked Ted Cruz and the Shutdowners
 and Barry O & the Usurpers. Not unexpectedly, 
they insisted on playing on the same stage on the
 same night at the same time, which was OK, 
so long as you could appreciate the music of 
Charles Ives.

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

"I'm Snooki and I'm prego!"

"I'm Prego, too!"
Leather Boy Exposes Obama's Willie Horton Plan to
Release All Murderers
Congressman Sean Duffy (R-WI) wants the world to know
 he opposes the pasteurization of families.
Brian Williams' Iraq War stories are as crooked as his face.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #611
Brian Greene
Joan of Arc Thanking Almighty God That
 Christians Were Going to Burn Her at 
the Stake and Not ISIS
Conrad Hilton may face 20 years in prison for wearing
a t-shirt with a flying rodent printed on it.
"Congressman Schock, you may think you're living in 
Downton Abbey, but I think of you more as Mr. Toad
 of Toad Hall."
Bobby Jindal is on the left.  Piyush Jindal is on the right.