Saturday, July 04, 2009

Got more money than you know what to do with?
Is it burning a hole in your pocket?
Would you like to pour it down a rathole?
Well, you know what to do, don't you?
Donate to SarahPAC!
Sarah Palin: a Shooting Star Crashing to Earth, or
the Dedicated Mother of a Wasilla Stormtrooper?
Uh, not quite. Dick Cheney hasn't quit yet. By contrast,
Sarah Palin is more like Richard Nixon in a dress, who
quit twice--first in 1962, then again in 1974.
"And that's when I saw Jonah's pantload.
Wowsers! It was so big and so doughy!"
"Dear Mother of God, how I HATE cranberries! And Ocean
Spray, you can go straight to Hell, preferably before
Crocodile Trying to Shed a Tear After Hearing
the Governor of Alaska Was Resigning
World Bank Chief Warns Against 'Protectionism';
"Just Look at What It's Done to My Face, for Christ's
Sake!" He Exclaims
Rainer Schroeder not only eats like a horse, but when he eats
a horse, he doesn't discard any of its parts, not even the shoes.
Sorry, but adjusting your computer display will
not bring Rick Moran into sharper focus. He's just
fundamentally out of focus and nothing can be
done about it.
"Left brain, could I put you on hold for a moment?
I have a call coming in from my right brain."
"Clean shirt, new shoes
And I don't know where I am goin to.
Silk suit, black tie,
I don't need a reason why.
They come runnin' just as fast as they can
Coz every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man."
Dalai Lama Calling Bullshit on Katharine Weymouth
Here's an idea, courtesy of CJ Colace, to add some variety to
your Independence Day cookout: McSliders, which are
double cheeseburgers with chicken McNuggets for buns.
Pistol-Packin' Mama Exercising Her Right
to Keep and Bear Fruit
On Thursday, in 'A Letter to Sarah', Jonah Goldberg wrote:
"Stay home and do your job and your homework."
On Friday,
Sarah said, "Take this job and shove it!" Tsk-tsk! It would
seem Lucianne's boy may be losing his touch.
Dead Fish Prefers to Go with the Flow Rather
Than Be a Quitter Like Sarah Palin
It's the 4th of July! Time to blow up some more stuff!

Friday, July 03, 2009

What's next for Sarah Palin? Will she join Norm
Coleman in the Ringling Brothers and Barnum &
Bailey Circus? Or will she continue to clown around
just for the heck of it?
Alaska Governor Resigns, Says She Wants to
Spend More Time Hunting Moose
Why is Lloyd Blankfein smiling? He's just learned
that 'In God We Trust' has been replaced by 'In
Goldman Sachs We Trust' on all U. S. currency.
World's Worst Yobs #108
Deroy Murdock
Of all the newspapers in the land, the Washington Post
should know that the cover-up is as bad, if not worse,
than the crime.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

"May I take your order, please?"
"Yes, I'll take the Man's Best Friend in a Bucket."
"Would you like a side of Milk Bones with that?"
"Will that be all?"
"You might call it a toupee, a wig, a rug, or a hairpiece.
But I prefer to call it an 'Enhanced Pigmented
Filament Technique."
"Wassamatta now? Never heard of Christmas in July?"
"I know I look like a tree that's dying from
the top down. But what do you expect from
an organization named after a political party
that gave up the ghost in 1816?"
Last month, another 470,000 Americans lost their jobs. To
get an idea of how many people that is, this unemployment
line is about 50 people long.
Looking at their innocent-looking mug shot, it was hard to
imagine that the Vioxx Gang had been responsible for over
27,000 heart attacks.
Observers of the Magnolia State, the most obese state in
the nation for the fifth year in a row, agree: Mississippi
mud tends to settle on the bottom.
"Now that Bruno has said you are
über-cute and hotter than me, would
you mind, Mr. Rudd, if I address you
as the 'Saucy Aussie'?"
"If you are among the first 500 lobbyists to call in
the next 30 minutes, you can enjoy a salon with
me and this genuine White House teddy bear to
discuss health care reform as it relates to plush
toys, all for only $25,000. Call now!"
"Welcome to Encinitas! Welcome to Marshall Law!"
Michael Scheuer believes that the only way America
has a chance to survive as a country is for Osama bin
Laden to successfully deploy and detonate a nuclear
weapon in the United States. He is obviously a member
of the 'We Had to Destroy the Village in Order to Save It'
School of Pisspants.
"Evidence is accumulating," writes the pundit, "that
the human brain systematically misjudges certain kinds
of risks. In effect, evolution has programmed us to be alert
for snakes and enemies with clubs, but we aren’t well
prepared to respond to a Star Parker in mink."
Flag Desecration #21
"While it is admirable that you know such a big word,
'hypertrichosis' really doesn't apply to me. Try

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

J. D. Salinger as a Young Man

J. D. Salinger as an Old Woman
Asked if he has plans to run for public office, Joe the Plumber
stared into the middle distance for a while before saying, "I
talked to God about that recently and all He said was, 'My
septic tank smells'."
“Sanford’s dropped the flag. A lot of us are talking to him
behind the scenes in hopes that he'll make the right
decision about what needs to be done.”
"And what might that be, Senator DeMint?"
"Why, pick up the flag, of course!"
"One only need read the [Vanity Fair] piece," observes
David Neiwert, "to see the writing that's been on the wall for
some time for Palin: She is road kill in the rear-view mirror
of the Republican Party's Beltway movers and shakers."
“I’ll tell you what a lot of people are thinking, and
that is it looks like things are going to be over and we
are going to get the clown from Minnesota. I don’t mean
to be disrespectful. I don’t know the guy, but for a living
he is a clown, just like me.’’
"Sarah, don't you just love it when big burly men
fight over you?"

"You betcha, especially when they're Republicans!"
"Global warming is the greatest hoax ever, mon!"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #52
John Eichelberger
"Put on your high-heel sneakers,
wear your wig hat on your head.
Put on your high-heel sneakers,
Wear your wig hat on your head.
I'm pretty sure now baby
'Cause you know,
you're gonna knock 'em dead."
Happy Canada Day to All Canadians
(Except Mark Steyn)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The greatest mystery of all in the continuing saga of Mark
Sanford is why so many women were willing to 'cross the line'
with him. By this time, Jenny, his wife of
20 years and the
mother of his four children, must be asking the same question.

Seriously. Even his nose is crooked.
KoranOn! Apply Directly to the Forehead!
Honduran Military Regrets Coup D'état,
Says It Had No Choice When President
Zelaya Insisted on Scuba Diving While
Wearing a Cowboy Hat