Trump's Latest Triumph,

the Prickly Tower

Grass-Roots Hemp Activist Making a New Year's Eve Delivery

Jonah Goldberg Proving He Can Swallow Anything

Overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds, Joe Lieberman

has been elected as the president of the moderate, unity

government in Iraq. Asked what it was like to be the first

Jew ever chosen to lead a Muslim nation, Joe raised his

fist and shouted, "Ready or not, Iran, here I come!"

"You're right! Takai Yakitori does wear elevator skates."

Candidate for Wife #4 Awaiting Free Test Drive

with Rush Limbaugh

As he left the Cabinet Room, Vice President Cheney

knew that the best years of his life were behind him.

Jan Rouven Performs 'Bush Screws America'

Squidward was really pissed when he heard

one of his cousins had been caught by the Japanese.

After Dog Blogging Went Out of Fashion

Butcher of Istanbul Sad to Hear Butcher of

Baghdad Has Been Hanged

Saints Adoring Holy Thingamajig

Israeli Air Force Cadets Receiving

Hat-Shaped Manna from Heaven

"Sorry, soldier, but your chest measurement falls

far short of what is required to become a member

of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders. So it's off to

Iraq with you!"

When pictures of President Bush are re-formatted to

fit your screen, his least essential part is sometimes

outside the frame and can't be seen.

"I know it's hard on your heart, Dick, but you really need

to pick up the tempo. Dog the Bounty Hunter is getting

closer and closer by the minute."

President Bush Dismisses Boogeyman's Claim He Holds

Copyright on Idea of Sending More Troops to Iraq

Indonesian Float-a-Potty

Rubberface, the notorious Connecticut hoodlum and

archenemy of Dick Tracy, is calling for more American troops

to be sent to Iraq because, he says, "it is strategically and

morally right for our nation. Call me a crook if you like. Just

don't call me a cut-and-run crook."

"I know what Jeff Greenfield said. But it's only when

Barack Obama wears a coat without a tie that the

President of Iran comes to mind."

Five years after 9/11, Osama bin Laden is still at large.

Is that a failure of White House policy? "Well," says

Homeland Security Adviser Frances Townsend, "I'm not

sure -- it's a success that hasn't occurred yet. I don't know

that I view that as a failure."

President Bush says his national security team is making

great progress in walking around and avoiding the brush

on his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

President Bush was pleased to see that

Senator McCain's voice was in synch

with his. "Those ventriloquism lessons

have really paid off," he thought.

This New York City dog walker isn't going to need a

pooper scooper. He's going to need a front-end loader.

As he salutes (and Barney doesn't), notice that

the President is wearing what appears to be

a very cheap analog wristwatch. Somebody

has been shopping at Wal-Mart, don't you think?

These days, not even swans can resist the

temptation to get breast implants.

Economy Travelers Alert!

If you intend to pitch your tent along the Canal

Saint Martin in Paris, don't forget to make a

reservation well in advance, because campsites

are quite limited.

At first they were cheered as the Fantastic Four:

George Bush as Mr. Fantastic, Condi Rice as the

Invisible Woman, Bob Gates as the Human Torch,

and Dick Cheney as the Thing. Now they're booed

as the Futile Four.

George Walker Bush:

not a Lincoln,

not a Ford,

not even a Crosley.

Andrea Mantegna's Recently-Discovered Masterpiece,

Saint George of the Eternal Consultations

Some say a beard is a sign of manliness. But it could

also be a sign of poverty (i. e., too poor to shave),

a sign of sloth (i. e., too lazy to shave), a sign of

incompetence (i. e., too uneducated to shave), a

sign of anal retentiveness (i. e., too possessive to

shave), a sign of maturity (i. e., too wise to shave),

or a sign of thriftiness (i. .e, too tight to shave).

So which is it, O Bearded Ones?

And the Bearded Ones replied: "We have no
better reason to grow a beard than does
Fearguth. And what might that be?"

"Let me get this straight. Are you saying if the President

completely ignores our recommendations, the Iraq Study

Group should self-immolate on the White House lawn?"

Although he still believes global warming is a hoax,

President Bush is now proposing to cover the Arctic

Ocean with styrofoam peanuts, in order to keep the

Earth's last polar bears afloat.

When President Bush is viewed under ultraviolet light,

you can see he has not just one pig head, but two.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims he is an adherent of

the Philosophy of the Open Hand. Don't believe it.

He's left-handed.

"If I may mix my avian metaphors, Mr. President, General

Pace and I agree you're a lame duck chickenhawk whose

goose is cooked."

"Do you believe in the divinity and authority of the Five Books

of Moses, the first five books of the Bible, known as the Torah?

I do, and that belief has turned me, Dennis Prager, into a

religious bigot. And it can do the same for you!"

Neoconservative historian Arthur Herman has proposed

that remaindered copies of his books be dropped on Iran

"until there is credible evidence of regime change in Tehran."

Vice President Looks Inward,

Sees Nothing

"I don't really care what people think. I just do my own thing.

I like being loud and letting people know I'm there.”

Ehud Olmert always laughed when he told the old joke about

the rabbi who performed circumcisions "just for the tips."

Dennis Prager Performing Torah! Torah! Torah!,

His Culture War Oratorio for Solo Voice and Accordion

First Dog Barney Disses President by Refusal to Salute

Dick Cheney During the Winter of His Discontent

"My parents made me start wearing this mask because

I kept chewing up the furniture. What about you?"