"How did I grow these giant pumpkins? Well, son,

have you ever heard of 'Enriched Uranium'?"

A confidential analysis by staff of the UN nuclear

watchdog has concluded that Iran has acquired
'sufficient information to be able to design and produce'

an atom bomb, only 64 years after the United States

did the same thing. Impartial observers are wondering

why it took Iran more than a half-century to try to equal

the United States' ability to kill hundreds of thousands

of people with just a couple of bombs, like it did in

Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945.

"Tom DeLay, if you're such a goddam Dancing with the

Stars hotshot, try this!"

"Bob Woodward is different from you and me."

"Yes, he has more access to egomaniacs."

"I'm sitting on top of the world,

Just flip-flopping along,

Just flip-flopping along."

"'National interest'? Do you honestly think that I,

the world's smallest chameleon, give a flying

fig about 'national interest'? 'National interest'

is a fiction invented by humans, who need it to

believe that they're part of something big,

even bigger than me."

Chasing Tail: Young Man's Fancy,

or Old Man's Horsefeathers?

Leading Indicator Shows Alan Greenspan

in Deepest Depression Since Ayn Rand's

Death in 1982

Find Fearguth in this photo and you could win a

free Bildungblog post of your choice.

"Sorry, Your Highness, but your cammies aren't working

as well as you might think. I can still see your festering

gob as plain as bloody hell."

Good Copper

Bad Copper

Liveblogging Joe McCarthy's Tombstone

12:00 Noon -- There it is.

12:30 -- Still there.

1:00 -- Hasn't moved yet.

1:30 -- Still not moving.

2:00 -- Dead calm, very peaceful.

2:30 -- No signs of life at all.

3:00 -- Gotta go. Will try again next spring.

The Five Rings of Uranus

Chicago Loses Olympics Bid, President of Brazil Weeps

"You seem pretty young, Mr. O'Keefe, so just how

old were you when you started believing you're

the real Youngblood Priest?"

You can always tell when Governor Perry

forgets to wash his hands.

Pepto-Bismol Bandito Strikes Again

Hannah Botana

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #94

Elliott Abrams

Chicago Nuked, Conservatives Cheer

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #24

Pollcat

Warm Scuzzies #18

Ignatius Piazza

Thou art a lamp unto my feet,

and a light unto my pathway.

We Be Brethren

If you claim to be the author of a book actually written

by someone else, isn't that called 'plagiarism'?

A Portrait of the Artist as a Dirty Old Man

Quite fittingly, the top four bestsellers at Amazon right now

are Going Rogue: an American Life, Arguing with Idiots:

How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government, The

Lost Symbol, and How to Survive the End of the World

as We Know It.

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #23

Benjamin Franklin's Ugliest Great-Great-

Great-Great-Granddaughter

Fearguth's Rules of Order #34

Referring to a chimpanzee as a 'knuckledragger'

is considered rude and does not promote inter-

species amity.

"Today's threats work hard at concealing themselves.

We think harder at inventing them."

Play Dress-Up with Glenn Beck!

Shop Joseph A. Bank!

Just thinking about The Lodge made Newt's tongue hard.

When adequately medicated, Glenn Beck seems

relatively harmless, perhaps even a tad sweet.

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #22

Before Glenn Beck came along, the Church of Jesus Christ

of Latter Day Saints had been unsuccessful in converting

other Christian fundamentalists to Mormonism. But

with Beck, the Church now has its greatest apostle to

the Gentiles since Brigham Young.

"Who's that?"

"Oh, it's John L. Perry, the latest Newsmax 'unpaid blogger'

to be locked out and forced to sleep on the street."

Ken Lewis to Retire as CEO of Bank of America,
Accepts Full Responsibility for the Bank's

New Acid-in-the-Eyes Blue-on-Red Logo

From out of nowhere, public circumcisions have suddenly

emerged as one of Malaysia's most popular spectator sports.

"Hi, I'm Ben Nelson! I was elected to the

United States Senate to prove, once and

for all, that Nebraskans have a great

sense of humor."

"Hey, somebody! Hand me me another Q-Tip!

Otherwise, I'm a goner!"

If you really believed the American flag to be sacred,

you would treat it with the same reverence which

orthodox Jews show toward the Tetragrammaton,

YHWH (which they refuse to pronounce, even when

it's translated into English as 'God'). You would

think the flag is so full of extraordinary power that

touching it would lead to your immediate destruction

and even gazing at it would render you totally blind.

[You say you can still see? O ye of little faith!]

"When hearts are high the time will fly,

So whistle while you work."

Flag Desecration #26

Brazil's César Cielo Filho is generally recognized as the world's

first swimmer to be powered solely by geothermal energy.

"Have I ever told you, Arnold, that my

middle name is 'Gardenzio'?"

Red-Blooded Pacifist