At the Conservative Political Action Conference,

Mike Huckabee of Arkansas bragged he was the first

governor in America with a concealed carry permit. "So

don't mess with me," he added. And--praise the Lord!--the

American people doubtlessly won't.

Bush Administration Watchdog Responsible for Keeping

an Eye on the Walter Reed Army Medical Center

Four Hosers of the Fuckupalypse

Mitt 'Flapjack' Romney

Newt 'Marryin' Man' Gingrich

John 'Suckup' McCain

Rudy 'Ground Zero' Giuliani

"You don't need to thumb a ride, Joe. All you need to do

is jump on my bandwagon and we'll roll through the Gates

of Expediency together."

Joe Klein lists thirteen attributes of a 'left-wing extremist'.

Then he writes, "This is a partial list, off the top of my head."

Perhaps this explains why the top of Joe's head is now missing.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

Alexander McQueen Introduces New Line of

Body Armor for Iraqi Women Who Wear Burqas

Having overcome many hurdles, Gregory and Marcel

embraced each other as a sign of their undying love.

Prime Minister Prodi's yawn momentarily threatened

to inhale Italy's lower house of parliament.

Scan Jonah Goldberg's curriculum vitae and you'll

find no mention of his role in the movie, Dune.

When Ann Coulter made her appearance at

the Conservative Political Action Conference,

an observer was reminded of a line from Conrad:

"There's nothing more solemn on earth than the

dance of a trained dog."

Code Pinko Slows Pace and Crashes Gates

President Pimping Heckuva Job Energy Drink

to New Orleans Students

"The Al-Qaida strategy is based on the notion that they can

break the will of the American people. They know they can't

beat us in a stand-up fight. But they do believe ... that they can,

in fact, force us to change our policy if they just kill enough

Americans, create enough havoc out there. Well, they'll never

kill enough Americans or create enough havoc to break my will.

I'm not called 'Big Swinging Dick' for nothing!"

Al Sharpton's ancestors were slaves, owned by Strom
Thurmond's ancestors. It just goes to show what genealogical
research can (and cannot) do. It can reveal the truth about
your ancestry, but it cannot do anything to change it.

University of Minnesota Student Calling 911 to

Report Massive Dandruff Outbreak

Bible Salesman Woos Elderly Hurricane Katrina Survivor

Where a Wounded Soldier Lives in the

Walter Reed Army Medical Center

Where the Unwounded General in Charge Lives

"Congratulations, Senator!  Your announcement on the 
Late Show has just been added to the 'Top Ten Reasons 
to Go to Bed Early'."

UCLA law professor Stephen Bainbridge is alarmed that

"Private School Pinkos" infest the Hilltop Children's Center

in Seattle. With a total of 70 students enrolled, this private

elementary school obviously poses a threat to capitalism and the

free enterprise system so serious as to justify a college professor

taking time out from his teaching duties to write about it.

Investor Suffers Head Wound from Being Struck by

Plummeting Stock Market Indicator

In an attempt to divert attention from Dick Cheney,

the Vice President has ordered that he be referred

to henceforth as 'Senior Administration Official'.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?"

Alicia Bonifacio used to wear iceberg lettuce.

But it melted.

University of Tennessee law professor Glenn Reynolds has
proposed that Iranian radical mullahs and atomic scientists
be forced to count all the occurrences of 'heh' and 'indeed'
in the Instapundit archives. He believes this will be sufficient
to persuade Iran to "reconsider their not-so-covert war
against us in Iraq."

"Gee, this must be the one bombing a day Laura Bush says

discourages everyone who sees it on television. Lucky for
me, my parents only let me watch Cartoon Network."

"Hey, I found the contact lens I lost here last year!"

What does Alejandra Guzman do for a living?

Hint: it has something to do with her lips (shown here)

and her lungs (shown here), but not her legs (also shown here).

President of Iran Reads Instructions for Docking

with the Blimp of Bahrain

The New Bicameral Bra from Capitol Hill Fashions

These shoes weren't made for walking.

When he awoke, the Vice President discovered he was

the condemned man in Stephen King's new Death Row

movie, The Red Mile.

"I know that my blessing is on the way

I can't see it right now but I stand by faith

I fought many, many battles in His name

I held up the bloodstained banner and proclaim that

Jesus is the Truth and the Light

Believe it when I say He will make it alright."

Car Salesman-in-Chief Claims 40 MPG Highway

for Pickup Powered by Black-Bean Burritos

Pharmacist-in-Chief Touts Everclear As

Revolutionary Medicinal and Energy Hybrid

Recently-Discovered Letter in Library of Congress Shows

President Lincoln Just Made Up Quote about Frank Gaffney

U. S. to Trade Dick Cheney to Australia for Two Bush

Kangaroos and a Case of Foster's Lager

Britney Shears

From Russia with Love

"Allah be praised and all that, gentlemen, but this

bowing and scraping is blowing my knees to hell."

Ever since 1951, when Klaatu and Gort invaded the planet,

the Academy Awards have caused the Earth to stand still.

Take one look at this picture and you'll know somebody

got it all wrong about sloth being a deadly sin.

And then they crucified Iraq upon a cross of black gold.