Saturday, August 16, 2014

Rick Perry Announces Dates for Long-Awaited
'Felonious Hunk' Tour Through Iowa, South
Carolina, and New Hampshire
Robert Kagan wants to know if Twitter was
 always as rude as it is today.  The Twitter Rule 
has always been:  Be polite to peacemakers
 and rude to warmongers.
Lenin's Giant Head Is Missing
The climactic moment at the Red State Gathering was the
unveiling of Rick Perry's mugshot.
Clark Kent Indicted for Abusing His Superpowers

Friday, August 15, 2014

"Good news, Governor Perry!  Your indictment won't be 
any more damaging than Tom DeLay's.  Now, hold still
while I remove all those worry lines from your forehead."
 "As you can see from these surveillance photographs, 
Michael Brown was armed with deadly cigars BEFORE he 
used them to assault Officer Darren Wilson.  You can only
imagine what Brown did with them when Officer Wilson
was finally compelled to shoot him more times than Jason
Voorhees was shot in Friday the 13th."
"Sex with dogs?  Is there any other kind?"
Symbol of Early Rock-and-Roll Gods
Still Subject of Conflicting Interpretations
"Are you an undocumented Democrat?"  
"No, I'm a documented lunatic."
Ferguson Cop, ID'd as Unarmed Teen's Killer, Left the Area 
Days Ago, Now Living Under an Assumed Name in a 
Yurt Somewhere in Outer Mongolia
[Not necessarily the one in the picture.]
Michael Brown wasn't executed because he had stolen cigars, 
but because he was walking down the middle of the street in 
Missouri at noon.  Also black.
How to Keep Your Shit Straight
1.  If something is phony, it's Bullshit.
2.  If something is cowardly, it's Chickenshit.
3.  If something is untrue, it's Horseshit.
4.  If something is crazy, it's Batshit.
5.  If something is worthless, it's Dogshit.
6.  If something is amazing, it's Holyshit.
"Common ground?  Believe it or not, what really brought
 us together in the No Labels Party was a shared love of 
 gold neckties."
Warm Scuzzies #497
Jonah Peretti
Thomas Jackson Sez:  "Michael Brown was the primary
 suspect in a convenience store cigar theft.  And our policy
 is to shoot all primary suspects, especially so if they're 
also unarmed."
Is Kevin Williamson really a White Devil, or does he
just look like one?
"Would you like to know how many Rush Limbaughs
can get fucked on the tip of my middle finger?"
Take the Survey---or Else!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Be sure to try some of the 
Pulled Pork when you dine at
McDonald's in Ferguson,
Missouri.  Just remember to
remove the helmet first.
"Pardon me, sir, but do you remember that James Madison
said, 'A standing military force will not long be a safe 
companion to liberty'?” 
"We're not military, we're police."
"You sure could've fooled James Madison."
Pilot Loses Control of Plane After His Artificial Arm Falls
 Off, Blind Co-Pilot Saves the Day
Warm Scuzzies #496
James Knowles
The Potrzebie Prize #22
St. Louis County Police Department 
Given 8 Bull Connors Out of a
Possible 10 on Racist Scale
Michelle Rhee Steps Aside as CEO of StudentsFirst,
Her Next Project to Be Called HusbandFirst
Was it the U. S. military invading Iraq for the third time,
or the paramilitary police in Ferguson, Missouri, holding
an unarmed citizen at gunpoint?  Whatever the case, it 
was hard to tell the difference.
Robert Draper, NYT-Wit
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #101
Good Morning, Fergusonstan

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Warm Scuzzies #495
Thomas Jackson
Missouri Police Chief Calls on African-American
Community to Follow Pope Francis's Example of
 a "Respectful Demonstration"
Mayan Horologist Trying to Determine When It's
Howdy Doody Time
Chicken Crosses Road in Portland,
 Guy Calls Cops and Asks, "Why?"
 Cops Answer, "To Get to the Other Side!"
Guy Calls 911 to Report "Deleterious Joke"
Mr. Magoo would like to carry his
gun openly if he could just see well
enough to find it.
Unfortunately, by the time Mighty Mouse showed 
up to save the day, it was already night.
Supporters of Same-Spook Marriage were disappointed
when it was learned the Snowden-Hayden union had
ended rather rancorously.  Oh, well, the wedding cake
 was tastefully done.
Adventures in Lexicology #11
Jealot (/ˈjel.ət/), n.  A liberal blogger who constantly
attacks Glenn Greenwald because he made the
big time and the liberal blogger didn't.  [Are you a
Recent Survey Finds 65% of Americans Can't Find
Cheese Kurdistan on Map of Iraq
The Latest Fashion in Body Armor
Recently-Declassified Photograph #37
Ed Snowden and Elmer Fudd at Bugs Bunny Gala
"Michelle Obama is fat and I'm President of the Hair
Club for Men."
Not-Gaza, Missouri
Robin Williams is dead. 
Lauren Bacall is dead. 
Arlene Martel is dead. 
Rush Limbaugh is alive. 
Has the Grim Reaper no shame?
Gun Perv Also Sex Perv

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Warm Scuzzies #494
Jon Belmar
"You're More Likely to Die From a Bee Sting Than a 
Shark Attack," the headline reads.  But what 
about the Tiger-Tail Honey Shark?
Tim Russert

David Gregory

Chuck Todd
Warm Scuzzies #493
Chris Fields
Old King Coal was not a merry old soul when he learned
that his wife was on the board of an anti-coal organization.