Courtland Sykes Sez: "Real Americans

say 'Missourah'."

"Tell me, sir, do you believe the Derp State will be 

undermined by the Deep State, or will it collapse

of its on accord?"

Steve Wynn, Notorious Sex Bandit and Trump's 'Great

 Friend', Vacates Finance Chair of Republican National

 Committee, Now On the Lam Somewhere Out West

Daughter of EPA Administrator Cathy Stepp

Says Mother Always Has Fake Nose and

Glasses with Her

Stormy Pepperoni, Trump's Best Pizza Ass

Not since the Sack of Rome has the world 

seen such a Visigoth.

 "Consarn it! Some goldurned 

whippersnapper stole my teeth!"

Local Carnivore Wins 'All-the-Raw-Meat-

You-Can-Load-in-Your-Shopping-Cart-

in-5-Minutes Contest'

Man: "You should be ashamed to be so dirty!"

Pig: "IOKIYAP."

Man: "IOKIYAP?  What's that supposed to mean?"

Pig: "It's OK if you are a pig. You know, like IOKIYAR:

It's OK if you're a Republican."

Recognizing that 'honesty' and 'openness' are

not in sync with its essence, the NSA has

surreptitiously deleted these values from

its online mission statement.

"What Cheetolini dust?"

"What is your hypothesis, Congressman Nunes, why

California hasn't spat you out of the Universe like

a watermelon seed?"

To be sexually harassed by anyone would be bad enough,

but to be sexually harassed by someone who looks like

Steve Wynn? Good Lord!

Like the guy who set off the false incoming missile alarm

 in Hawaii, the driver of the snow crawler is refusing to

 cooperate.

“At 50," Orwell wrote, "everyone has the face he deserves.” 

That's true, but at least it's not Howard Kurtz's face.

In the Land of Do-It-Yourself Proctologists

"And it wasn’t until I became a politician that I realized 

how nasty, how mean, how vicious, and how fake cheese 

can be."

Even Matt Gaetz's friends call him 'Bruno Smegma'

behind his back.

"I'm looking forward to talking to Mueller."

Two Ways of Taking Care of Business

Trump Attempts Vulcan Salute, Fails

Aide to Representative Patrick Meehan (R-PA) will 

never forget that fateful day when she innocently said

 'Obamacare' and Meehan suddenly sexually

harassed her.

Guggenheim Museum Offers to Install Solid Gold Crapper 

in White House, Claims It Sounds, When Flushed, Like

a Dutchman Saying, 'Van Gogh!'

Trump says he didn't know that a British far-right 

group were 'horrible racists'. "I thought Britain First 

was just an overseas branch of America First,"

Trump explains.

Piers Morgan Says Trump Makes 'Significant Climbdown'

Want to know what marrying Donald Trump does to

your looks? Ask Ivana.

Puddy Tat

Johnson's Cave

America's Cows at Risk from Mad Dobbs Disease

Lou Dobbs Sez: “I much prefer to see jail sentences for 

violating the trust of the American people, and 

working against the Constitution and yes, the 

President of the United States.”

Courtland 'Make Me a Sandwich' Sykes (R-MO) Sez:

"Feminists push an agenda that they made up to suit their 

own nasty snake-filled heads and are career-obsessed 

banshees who forgo home life and children and the

 happiness of family to become nail-biting manophobic 

hell-bent feminist she-devils."

Lawyer says that when Trump said he would speak

 with the special counsel under oath, he only meant 

to say he wanted another Diet Coke.

DOJ spox Sarah 'Ax Me No Questions' Flores opens

her mouth only for degassing, not for answering

questions.

By a landslide 50-49 vote in the Senate, Sam Brownback,

the most unpopular governor in America, has been 

confirmed as Trump's At-Large Ambassador for 

International Religious Freedom from Gays.

A New Messiah for Our Time

Trump Buys Stairway to Hell

Trump Looking Forward to Lying Under Oath

Schumer Says Border Wall Is Off the Table

By order of Trump, the Statue of Deportation will 

replace the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor.

The Unexpurgated Bible #158

"For wide is the gate, and broad is the Waze, 

that leadeth to the bottom of Lake Champlain."

To think Megyn Kelly is a journalist is to think Abe 

Lincoln was a Pikachu Trainer.

There are two stunt breasts and one stunt beast in this

picture. Can you tell which is which?

Amazon's New Company Slogan

Cat Even Grumpier After Trump Asked Who She

Voted For

The Unexpurgated Bible #157

Then Jesus said unto them, "And ye shall hear of wars 

and rumors of wars and of Bud Light being the best-selling 

beer in America: see that ye be not troubled: for all these

 things must come to pass, but the end is not yet."

When the Koch brothers rewarded Paul Ryan with

$500,000 for helping give them a big tax cut,

someone observed that Ryan's price was not far

above Ruby the Pross's.

Swineflesh Under Glass Giving Short-Fingered Vulgarian

Salute

Resistocat

Trusting Mitch McConnell to keep his word is like 

trusting a crocodile to give you a pedicure.

You do not want to see what happened to the

LimeBike rider.