Warm Scuzzies #142

Hunton & Williams

"Oh, it would be fantabulosa, if it weren't

so darned unconstitutional!"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #272

Lee Bright

Governor Perry's Big Hair Gets Less

Than 1% in CPAC Straw Poll

The New Red Menace

The Old Red Menace

Ronald Reagan 'Forever' Stamp Said to Be Losing Touch

with Reality TV, Beginning to Forget What It's Worth

Nap Nanny for Baby Camelopards

If you shouted, 'Hello!' up John Barrasso's nose at CPAC,

there was a three-second delay before you heard an echo.

Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the CPAC

CPAC Drives Pro-Pot Legalization Libertarian

From Stage with Country & Western Music

The challenge facing Maine's Tea Party was to choose a

candidate who is uglier than the Republican incumbent.

It succeeded.

CPAC Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady Eats

Georgia Tea Partier Given Eight Years in Prison to

Figure Out How to Reduce Government Spending

Sarah Palin Impersonator Punks Pajamas TV and CPACers,

Quits Half Way Through Interview

"Michele Bachmann says she believes in

the three-legged stool.  That's not enough,

ladies and gentlemen!  You must believe

in the four-legged stool!"

"And you want to call me crazy? Go to hell!

Call me crazy all you want!"

"I believe in the three-legged stool!"

"I see . . . . . TEABAGGERS!"

Full-Spectrum Insecticide

Full-Spectrum Menticide

GOP Proposes 'Massive' $58 Billion Cut in Federal Budget

('Massive' = 4/10ths of One Percent of the Total Budget)

"I like Ron Paul, but he has no chance of getting elected. 

I, on the other hand, am well acquainted with winning."

"Oh, sure, I've heard of Christopher Lee.  He

played the monster in The Curse of Frankenstein,

as I recall.  Why do you ask?"

Pennsylvania Man Erects 25-Foot Lighted Cross in His Yard

to Fend Off Atheistic Vampires

Ackerman Maneuver in Three Easy Steps

1. Open Your Big Fat Mouth.

2.  Get a Muslim Brotherhood/Jeffrey Dahmer

Analogy Stuck in Your Windpipe.

3.  Gesture Wildly, Trying to Persuade Someone

to Perform the Heimlich Maneuver. 

Chris Lee Challenges David Vitter and

John Ensign to a Bicep-for-Bicep,

Pec-for-Pec Shirtless Matchup

"Beg pardon, but could you direct me to the

nearest Lactation Room?"

Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) says the only

Constitution that can pass the smell test

is the King James Version.

"Hey, where do you want me to put this

flag-covered coffin?"

"I don't care what Sarah Palin says, you big ol'

knuckle-dragging Neanderthal, gimme a kiss!"

Kissing a girl who doesn't smoke is like

licking a non-smoking ashtray.

"Abortion as a 'wedge issue' is working better today

than it has for years.  This is keeping partisans on

both sides of the issue from ever joining forces and

focusing on common goals and interests that would

work to our disadvantage.  So, let's go fan the

flames of the abortion controversy one more

time, shall we?"

Magical Depressionism #19

All 500 of Activision's Guitar Heroes Laid Off

The mere thought of John Boehner brought tears to his eyes.

The gomer from Iowa was flummoxed when someone asked

to see his Christian I.D.

Warm Scuzzies #141

Chris Lee

If more guns = less crime, how many more guns is it going to 

take before America is crime-free?

Julia Hurley, Tennessee Republican State Representative, 

Sez:  "My Hooters Career Got Me Where I Am Today!"

Another Reason for Online Newspapers:

You Don't Have to Search for Them

in the Snow!

Kristol the Frog to Beck the Frog:  "This here lily pad ain't

big enough for the both of us!"

Governor Tin-Cup Dismisses $27-Billion-Budget-Deficit

Doomsayers

Will Bristol Palin become the first unwed mother and high-

school dropout to become President of the United States?

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #271

Scott Beason

"Would you smile if people kept confusing you with Bozo?"

Politician's-Eye View of Lobbyists

Right Takes Refuge in Constitution, Will Soon Be Featured

in New Reality TV Show, We the Imbeciles

"Applejack I've heard of, but can't say I've ever heard of

Appleback."