"Remember, children, banks are

our friends."

No matter where you go in the world, there's Doritos.  Now in

102 different flavors, including Blazin' Buffalo Rush, Wild

 White Newt, and Christie Heatwave.

"We not only want you to whup Scott Brown's candy ass,

Ms. Warren, but once you're elected, we want you to

knee Wall Street in the groin!"

Years later, the Great Guacamole War ended, a

detente having been established between the

forces of tomato and avocado.

"Come on in and have a seat!  I'm Richard Cohen, and hasn't

it been pleasant since I last opened my festering gob."

"I see, Jesus, you've returned to Earth after 2,000 years.

That's good.    But what's with the soccer ball?"

If you're headed to Libya for an autumnal celebration, just

remember that 'tailgating' doesn't mean the same

thing over there.

"When I run out of rockets, I've just got to get a haircut!"

"Hi, I'm Michele Bachmann.

Remember me?"

"Yes, I'm a Humblebragger and, like you, a

member of the Humblest Braggers in the

World Club."

"Yes, I'm wearing an asshat.

But that doesn't necessarily

mean I'm a Blue Dog

Democrat."

"The arm of the law is long. Yesterday, it reached from

Washington, D. C., to Yemen. That's about 8,000 miles.

 Believe me, as I found out yesterday, that's a long

fucking way!"

American Empire #53

If you were asked to explain, in 25 words or less, the goal,

 purpose, or meaning of the United States of America in

the 21st century, what would you say? 

"Call now, and I'll double your order.  All you have to pay is

shipping and handling.  This makes an excellent paperweight,

bathroom tissue, or doorstop!"

Tools Used by Homo Erectus

Tools Used by Homo Murdochus

Speaking of government waste, can you imagine how much

money was spent printing Senator Tom Coburn's magnum

opus, Back in Black: a Deficit Reduction Plan?  One can

only hope it's now being used in Oklahoma privies, one

page at a time, to help reduce another kind of waste. 

The Unexpurgated Bible #62

And the Lord said unto Cain, "Where is Abel

thy brother?" And he said, "How should I

know? I'm the world's first libertarian!"

New York Cop Decides to Capitalize

on Newfound Fame

"Take Herb Cain. Look at why he's doing so

well right now. I guess you could say, with all

due respect, he’s the flavor of the week."

(9/27/11)

"I'm not saying that Herman Cain is the flavor of

the week. I'm one of his biggest fans, and I would

never dismiss him or speak negatively about him."

(9/29/11)

If knowledge is power and power corrupts,

he decided to take no chances.

Doctor Accused of Prescribing Christianity;

Preacher Accused of Performing Appendectomy

GBTV to Launch New Children's Show, H. R. Huff 'N Puff;

Show to Focus on Topics Kids Love, Like Straw Polls and 

Islamofascism

The Einstein Bot is so sophisticated it can make

scientific discoveries without us.

Take, for example, its recent discovery of the Sexpot Bot.

Dick Armey Explaining to Florida Tea Partiers What It

Takes to Place an Order at Denny's

Rose Marie Belforti, 57-Year-Old Spinster and Maker of

Curds and Whey, Refuses to Sign Same-Sex Marriage

Licenses, Citing Jesus' Saying in the Sermon on the

Mount, "Blessed Are the Cheesemakers"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #336

Dan Hampton

Magical Depressionism #26

Nikki Don't Lose That Number, It's 11.1%

New Big Chief Ignites Tablet War

"Like so many of my people, I had been brainwashed. 

But then I got whitewashed and became a Republican."

Having met with all the candidates and having deliberated

for months, Donald Trump finally announced his picks for

the GOP presidential and vice-presidential nominations.

Alabama now has the harshest immigration law in the

United States. It will have, however, little effect, because

what sane person would want to immigrate to Alabama?

Halloween is Pat Robertson's night.  It’s the night

for the 700 Club.  Pretty darn scary!

Sarah Palin in the Box

Sarah Palin Out of the Box

"Yes, your daughter is definitely suffering

from Chris Christie Fever."

"Oh my, doctor!  Is there a cure?"

Warm Scuzzies #222

Bay Minette, Alabama

"My name is Ross Perot, the 99th richest man in

America.  Look upon my funky face, ye peons,

and despair!"

At least once in their lives, all devout Muslims are expected

to make a pilgrimage to Mecca.

At least once in their lives, all devout Conservatives are

 expected to make a pilgrimage to Simi Valley.

When pigs started to fly, it was time to roll out the big guns.

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #125

Mike Chamberlain and Erick Erickson

Bachmann Warns of Hezbollah ‘Missile Sites’ in Cuba,

Claims Nikita Sergeyevich Bin Khruschev Is Mastermind

Behind Newest Threat to American Soil 

Will the Bantam Menace and the Incredible Bulk finally

hook up and save the GOP?

Warm Scuzzies #221

Anthony Bologna

Nation Recoils in Horror at the Sight of Nancy Grace's

'Wardrobe Malfunction'

As he saw the Pope's jet fly overhead, Jesus exclaimed,

"My God, my God, what have I unleashed upon the world?"

Christie Consciousness:  Like Krishna Consciousness,

But With a Lot More Meat

A new Gallup poll has found a record-high 81% of the

American public "are dissatisfied with the way the

country is being governed." To which the Corporations 

who own the government replied,

"THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!"