Saturday, October 17, 2009

Although you can't see them in this
picture, Paul Sullivan is wearing the
clown shoes to match his clown tie.
New Miracle Cure Found for Glennbeckian Epiphora
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #36
Clown's Career Cut Short by Gelotophobia
(the Fear of Being Laughed At)
Bank of America Loses $1 Billion in Third Quarter;
"I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It,"
Says CEO Ken Lewis
"When did you start thinking that whacking sick puppies
with your cane is a mark of civility, Poppy?"
Have time on your hands you would like to waste?
If so, why not play the new rightwing survivalist
online game, United States of Earth? It's like watching
Red Dawn: the Next Generation
, except it's interactive.
Tom Donohue's Throne at the U. S. Chamber of Commerce

Friday, October 16, 2009

Author of Job Says He Wrote His Book After
Learning He Had Been Created in the Image
of Rod Dreher, Not God
If you are trying to figure out why there's so much
cussing going on today, remember this: generally
speaking, people don't cuss when they're happy.
"As a prominent member of the Obama Administration, Mr.
Summers, how many times would you estimate you've
watched Michael Moore's documentary, Capitalism:
a Love Story?"
"What's wrong, Mama? Been watchin' too much cable TV?"
As of 16 October 2009, the Earth's population is estimated by
the United States Census Bureau to be 6.791 billion. That's the
good news. The bad news is that 1,358,200,000 of this number
would flunk a mental screening test. In other words, one-fifth
of all the people on Earth today are completely out of their
fucking gourds.
You've probably never heard of Michael B. Everling.
There are several good reasons why you haven't,
none of which have to do with the fact that the
neologist who invented the word 'dweeb' had him
in mind at the time.
Given half a chance, Hassan Nemazee could charm you
right out of your skivvies. But only for a worthy cause,
mind you, such as electing Democrats to Congress.
Rude Rhymes #13

Pure D Dreck

Glenn Lee Beck
"Whaddya mean I don't have any refills left
on my Thorazine prescription?"
Falcon Heene had done Sarah Palin one better:
he only had to fake 'Going Rogue' to get more
media attention than she did.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #100
Sue Myrick
"And at the piano this evening, we have Senator Orrin
Hatch performing one of his original gospel tunes,
'Smear Me and I'll Kick Your Teeth In'."

"And the idea that we’d have — the government get
into a — if you will, the public or government option
is absolutely death, I think, across this country
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #35
Remember the radio and TV game shows called
Break the Bank? Well, isn't it about time for a
modern-day spinoff, called Break Up the Banks?
"Where does Alan Greenspan get off saying 'Too big
to fail is too big'?"

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Global Warming Thought to Assure Survival of
the Earth's Rarest Species, the Desert Goose
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #28
Joel Surnow and Robert Stacy McCain
"If I catch you 'running to the center' one
more time, no more Playstation 3 for you!"
Inactivist Judge
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #34
Have you been feeling a little too happy for your own
good lately? Well, stare at this picture of Senator Orrin
Hatch for ten seconds, and, before you know it, you'll be
reaching for your

Meghan McCain Uses Titpic to Illustrate
Concept of 'Maximum Feasible Uplift'
The AP's Liz 'Sprinkles' Sidoti has a question
for us: "Is Obama obnoxiously articulate?"
Finally, they had found a cross big enough for
Rush Limbaugh to nail himself to.
Daisy Cheney
Oxymorons for Our Time #8
Negative Inflation

Having been rebuffed in his attempt to become part-owner
of the St. Louis Rams, Rush Limbaugh is now seeking to
become a sponsor of Ruth Frith, who holds the world
shotput record for 100-year-old Feminazis.
Potted Plant Gone Wild
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #99
John Shadegg
Warm Scuzzies #23
Alex Castellanos

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

No matter how many times he baptized himself in
the Get Your Hair Back Pool, his beard kept mocking
his pate.

After being delayed for over 2,000 years, the Parousia
turned out to be something other than what had been
expected. Instead of Christ the Judge, there appeared
Jesus the Hippie (aka "The Nazz") whose only concern
seemed to be that the fewer fingerprints of Tony Scalia
and Clarence Thomas on the Constitution, the better.
Shortly after this photograph was taken, Glenn
Beck abandoned his career as a broncbuster
and became a rodeo clown.
Happy Hillary Rules Out Presidential Runs
in 2012, 2016, and 2020; Still Hasn't Ruled
Out Runs in 2024 or 2028
"Size is relative, Ma, so where do people get off calling
us 'Pygmy Hippos'?"
"Cool your jets, Teensy-Weensy, and eat your lettuce!"
Have you noticed how few human beings become corrupt,
cheat, steal, defraud others, and commit other crimes
after taking to heart what Jesus once said:
"Blessed be
poor: for yours is the kingdom of God"?
Factoid of the Hour #7
Less than 1% of the people who have ever lived on
Earth have laid eyes on Plutonium-238. Inasmuch
as you now have, congratulations, fellow elitist!
Would-Be Israeli Thief Triggers Car Alarm Which Plays
the Palestinian National Anthem at 115 dB
In 9 out of 10 blind taste tests, Palestinians could not
tell the difference between Ozarka Natural Spring
Water and Aquafina. Incidentally, they didn't like
either brand.