Although you can't see them in this

picture, Paul Sullivan is wearing the

clown shoes to match his clown tie.

New Miracle Cure Found for Glennbeckian Epiphora

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #36

Clown's Career Cut Short by Gelotophobia
(the Fear of Being Laughed At)

Bank of America Loses $1 Billion in Third Quarter;
"I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It,"
Says CEO Ken Lewis

"When did you start thinking that whacking sick puppies
with your cane is a mark of civility, Poppy?"

Have time on your hands you would like to waste?
If so, why not play the new rightwing survivalist
online game, United States of Earth? It's like watching
Red Dawn: the Next Generation, except it's interactive.

Tom Donohue's Throne at the U. S. Chamber of Commerce

Author of Job Says He Wrote His Book After

Learning He Had Been Created in the Image

of Rod Dreher, Not God

If you are trying to figure out why there's so much

cussing going on today, remember this: generally

speaking, people don't cuss when they're happy.

"As a prominent member of the Obama Administration, Mr.

Summers, how many times would you estimate you've

watched Michael Moore's documentary, Capitalism:

a Love Story?"

"What's wrong, Mama? Been watchin' too much cable TV?"

As of 16 October 2009, the Earth's population is estimated by

the United States Census Bureau to be 6.791 billion. That's the

good news. The bad news is that 1,358,200,000 of this number

would flunk a mental screening test. In other words, one-fifth

of all the people on Earth today are completely out of their

fucking gourds.

You've probably never heard of Michael B. Everling.

There are several good reasons why you haven't,

none of which have to do with the fact that the

neologist who invented the word 'dweeb' had him

in mind at the time.

Given half a chance, Hassan Nemazee could charm you

right out of your skivvies. But only for a worthy cause,

mind you, such as electing Democrats to Congress.

Rude Rhymes #13

Pure D Dreck

Glenn Lee Beck

"Whaddya mean I don't have any refills left
on my Thorazine prescription?"

Falcon Heene had done Sarah Palin one better:
he only had to fake 'Going Rogue' to get more
media attention than she did.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #100
Sue Myrick

"And at the piano this evening, we have Senator Orrin
Hatch performing one of his original gospel tunes,
'Smear Me and I'll Kick Your Teeth In'."

"And the idea that we’d have — the government get
into a — if you will, the public or government option
is absolutely death, I think, across this country."

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #35

Remember the radio and TV game shows called
Break the Bank? Well, isn't it about time for a
modern-day spinoff, called Break Up the Banks?

"Where does Alan Greenspan get off saying 'Too big
to fail is too big'?"

Global Warming Thought to Assure Survival of

the Earth's Rarest Species, the Desert Goose

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #28

Joel Surnow and Robert Stacy McCain

"If I catch you 'running to the center' one

more time, no more Playstation 3 for you!"

Inactivist Judge

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #34

Have you been feeling a little too happy for your own

good lately? Well, stare at this picture of Senator Orrin

Hatch for ten seconds, and, before you know it, you'll be

reaching for your

antidepressants.

Meghan McCain Uses Titpic to Illustrate

Concept of 'Maximum Feasible Uplift'

The AP's Liz 'Sprinkles' Sidoti has a question

for us: "Is Obama obnoxiously articulate?"

Finally, they had found a cross big enough for

Rush Limbaugh to nail himself to.

Daisy Cheney

Oxymorons for Our Time #8
Negative Inflation

Having been rebuffed in his attempt to become part-owner
of the St. Louis Rams, Rush Limbaugh is now seeking to
become a sponsor of Ruth Frith, who holds the world
shotput record for 100-year-old Feminazis.

Potted Plant Gone Wild

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #99
John Shadegg

Warm Scuzzies #23
Alex Castellanos

No matter how many times he baptized himself in

the Get Your Hair Back Pool, his beard kept mocking

his pate.

After being delayed for over 2,000 years, the Parousia

turned out to be something other than what had been

expected. Instead of Christ the Judge, there appeared

Jesus the Hippie (aka "The Nazz") whose only concern

seemed to be that the fewer fingerprints of Tony Scalia

and Clarence Thomas on the Constitution, the better.

Shortly after this photograph was taken, Glenn
Beck abandoned his career as a broncbuster
and became a rodeo clown.

Happy Hillary Rules Out Presidential Runs
in 2012, 2016, and 2020; Still Hasn't Ruled
Out Runs in 2024 or 2028

"Size is relative, Ma, so where do people get off calling
us 'Pygmy Hippos'?"
"Cool your jets, Teensy-Weensy, and eat your lettuce!"

Have you noticed how few human beings become corrupt,
cheat, steal, defraud others, and commit other crimes
after taking to heart what Jesus once said: "Blessed be
ye poor: for yours is the kingdom of God"?

Factoid of the Hour #7
Less than 1% of the people who have ever lived on
Earth have laid eyes on Plutonium-238. Inasmuch
as you now have, congratulations, fellow elitist!

Would-Be Israeli Thief Triggers Car Alarm Which Plays
the Palestinian National Anthem at 115 dB

In 9 out of 10 blind taste tests, Palestinians could not
tell the difference between Ozarka Natural Spring
Water and Aquafina. Incidentally, they didn't like
either brand.