Enormous Bra Turns Young Man's Fancy to Thoughts of Love

She would have cleaned up her room, but she didn't

have one to clean up anymore.

German Chancellor Changes Sex, Language,

Nationality, and Religion, All at the Same Time

President Attempts to Blow Kiss, Blows Himself Instead

Minute Maid

"I'm tellin' ya, Mugsy, the Mitt never laid a glove on me!"

When Jordan's Queen Rania and Microsoft's Bill Gates

Discovered U2's Bono Wears High-Heel Sneakers

Nessie Says Scotland Too Chilly, Moves to Florida

McCainiac Escapes from Right-Wing Nuthouse,

Terrorizes Republican Blogosphere

Asked why he chose 'King of the Mountains' as the

title for his new record, Rodney said 'King of the

Mole Hills' just didn't sound right.

Roger Federer Loses Australian Open, Has a Hissy Fit

Like a bad penny, Paul Wolfowitz has turned up again,

this time as Chairman of the Secretary of State’s

International Security Advisory Board. If you think

you're watching one of those flicks where the slasher

keeps coming back to life, you are.

Anorexics Gone Wild

"Hmm, I don't see balls and I have tits. Must be same-sex sumo."

Zen and the Art of Motorcyclicide

Like his master, Harry Reid's dog could never resist

straying after a bit of Republican leg.

"Yo, UN peacekeeper! Did you know if you free your mind,

your ass will follow?"

Why Katherine Jean Lopez is a hackneyed

rightist is written all over her face. That's

why she looks like a palimpsest.

What would it be like to be someone who people liked

less and less once they got to know you better and better?

Ask Rudy Giuliani.

World's Worst Jobs #70

Indian Brick Porter

Stoicism comes in handy if you're a dog and have no better option

than to sit in the middle of the street during a rainstorm.

Jack Black Doing His Impression of a Bottle of

Jack Daniel's Old No. 7

Is the child in the bucket worth more, the same,

or less than the buildings in the background?

EPA Administrator Testifies,

"I Consider Myself a Human Being;"

Senators Vote Along Party Lines,

Reject His Claim by a Vote of 10-9

Money Shot

Hillary Defends Bill's Role Defending Hillary in Campaign

Iranian Crooner on the Eve of His

'Iraq, I Love You' Tour

Drudge Report Funnies #15

"Mars 'Creature' Is Rock, Says NASA..."

"Joshua fit de battle ob Jerico, Jerico, Jerico

Joshua fit de battle ob Jerico

An’ de walls come tumblin’ down."

Local Constabulary Clueless as to How an Entire Church

Was Stolen in Broad Daylight

Roger Stone, a GOP dirty-trickster whose pedigree

is traceable back to Richard Nixon, is now behind

this:

Delegates to the annual meeting of the Pinocchio Appreciation

Congress have voted overwhelmingly to recognize the Bush

Administration for setting a new world record in prevarication

over time: 935 false statements about Iraq's WMD in just two years.

"You guys still running that '$5 Each Every Day When

You Order 3 or More 1-Topping Mediums' special?"

"OK, what do you propose we do to decide who's hornier?"

Kashmiris Discover the Only Car in Town

That Runs and Immediately Punish It

Now that Fred Thompson is out of the race, Professor Bainbridge

is debating with himself whether he will be willing to throw his

weight--which is considerable--behind any of the remaining

Republican candidates. Chances are good right now that both

sides in this debate will lose.

A Swiftly Tilting First Lady

Republican leader John Boehner said the other day,

"I like real food, food that I can pronounce the name

of." With this in mind, here are links to real recipes

for real food with names that even George Bush could

pronounce. Each was selected with the remaining

Republican presidential candidates in mind.

Mike Huckabee -- Squirrel Stew

Mitt Romney -- Flip Flop Cake

John McCain -- Hawksnest Salad

Rudy Giuliani -- Buzzard Bites

Ron Paul -- UFO Breakfast Treats

"On the stump the other day, Congressman Paul, you

said (and I quote): 'Even without a bowtie, Tucker

Carlson is still a putz'. Do you stand by that statement?"

President Bush Test Drives the Lawnmower He

Plans to Give Jenna as a Wedding Present

Peer into an icehole long enough

and you may have an epiphany.

The Petraeus System of Iraq War Time

One Friedman Unit = 6 Months

One O'Hanlon Unit = 1 Year

One Kagan Unit = 5 Years

One McCain Unit = 10 Years

One Lieberman Unit = 100 Years

One Kristol Unit = Whenever

District Attorney Arthur Branch is now being chided for
dragging his heels until it was too late to endorse Fred
Thompson for the GOP presidential nomination. Republican
strategists are now saying the DA's support may have made
all the difference in the battle for the White House in 2008.

Bets are now on as to how long it will take Jeri Kehn to dump

Grandpa Fred before she finds a new partner in

Great-Grandpa John.

"I know my face doesn't instill much confidence in the

American economy. To tell the truth, it doesn't instill

much confidence in me, either."

"Does this mean, Fred, you'll announce this afternoon

that you're dropping out of the Presidential race?"

"Can't say for sure, Joe. You know I can't think that far ahead."

Anti-MLK Day Demonstrators Greeted with

the Strong Bad Variation of the Double Deuce