Four Clues to the Etiology of Whining

If our ancestors had had the good sense to build the Lou Dobbs

Wall in 1900, it would have prevented Michel Dabaghi, the son

of Lebanese parents, from being born in the United States

and growing up to take the job of medical pioneer away

from Americans.

World's Worst Yoobs #19

Amity Shlaes

If you're thinking of laundering some money,

here's how to air dry it without a clothesline.

Upon learning she is under consideration for VP, but that Bill's

presence makes things 'complicated', Hillary's reaction was
open to more than one interpretation.

Some people desecrate the flag.

Others consecrate it.

"When I was a kid, I always wanted
to be a gaffer when I grew up."

"I feel more like a harmonica seal when I'm happy,

a harp seal when I have the blues."

"I understand you haven't been wondering why I am called a

Waxy Monkey Frog. Well, then. Ribbit!"

American Empire #31

Black Budgets

"I think you're sweeter than honey, too, Joe. And don't

worry your little head. Cindy doesn't suspect a thing."

It is not widely known that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 
was propelled into political prominence when he 
won the Ugliest Man on Campus contest while an 
undergraduate at the Iran University of Science

and Technology.

Invisible Man Mooning Congress

While Barack Obama is speaking at the Brandenburg Gate,

John McCain will be speaking at the Watergate.

Dog meat is off the menu during the Beijing Olympics.

Sorry.

Rude Rhymes #5

Picnic Ham

Phil Gramm

If an Ear Trumpet is an aid to hearing,

what is a Mouth Trumpet an aid to?

"Who is this douchebag on my right? He knows less

about politics than I know about economics!"

What Karl Rove Thinks of the American People

and Their Representatives in Congress

"If you listen to our leaders, we can't compete against Mexico,

for God's sake! If they don't think we can compete against the

little brown ones, who can we compete against?"

G8 Summiteers Pose Before Their Legacy to a Troubled World

"I sure hope you don't grow up to be a whiner like your daddy."

Two Signs We're In a Mental Recession

As he prepared to fly out from Japan, President Bush told his

fellow leaders: "Goodbye from the world's biggest asshole."

"What makes you think I'm leaning to the right? From where

you're sitting, I'm leaning to the left, right?"

"It's my way of thinking that if I've concluded,

as I have, that John McCain is best for our country,

then why wouldn't I wear my ass for a hat?"

Arturo Pratt got frosted any time he heard
someone say, "He's making an ash of himself."

Arnd Drossel always seemed to be

living in his own little world.

Karen Hughes and Mark Penn Team Up

to Counsel ‘Advisers in Crisis’

Ordinary politicians, like John McCain, try to convince you that

they don't flip-flop on the issues. Extraordinary politicians,

like Barack Obama, try to convince you that flip-flopping is a

figment of your imagination.

"No Need to Bomb Iran," Says McCain; "Just Increase

U. S. Exports of Exploding Cigars to That Country"

Rude Rhymes #4

Steve Schmidt

James Carville and Mary Matalin couldn't contain their grief

when they learned the Fourth Amendment had died.

Official Portrait of Senator Harry Reid, Taken the

Day His Approval Rating Fell to 9%

Tony Falsetto, Godfather of Goofballs

World's Worst Yobs #40

Zev Chafets

Rude Rhymes #3

Cardinal Stickler

Nedra Pickler

"Never underestimate the power of prostate massage as a tool

to incentivize the McCain campaign team. It has worked for me

for years, and I'm certain it can work for you."

No one knew for sure whether the Republican nominee was

lurching to the left, to the right, or to the center. But everyone

agreed he was lurching.

Razing McCain #16

Were John McCain elected President of the United States,

our democracy would be superseded by ad hocracy, wherein

government policy would change without notice, all depending

on which side of the bed the President got up on.

Notorious Invectivore Spotted at Tennis Tourney

"More CO₂ Good for Plants," Algae Lobbyists Say

G8 Summiteers Address World Food Crisis with Eight-Course,

19-Dish Dinner Prepared by 25 Chefs

Would someone please tell Michelle the hot dog

eating contest ended last Saturday?

Human Cistern