Saturday, March 24, 2007

Will Harry Potter die in the Seventh Book?
Yes.
Who will kill him?
Alan Strang.
The children found the entrance sign for Dangerland irresistible.
Macbeth Comes for the Archbishop
"Touch not the Sacred Wingnut, Ismail, lest ye
unleash the Wrath of Malkin."
"Offline, I'm a harmless little show dog.

Online, I'm a killer."

Even Saraswati, the Goddess of Learning,
doesn't go out without her makeup.
Mumbai policemen aren't paid much,
but they are well fed.
"10,525 ... 10,526 ... 10,527 ... 10,528 ... Uh-oh!
I think I've already counted that one. No, it's
got a blue dot, not red, which means ... Oh, shit!
I've forgotten what blue means."
As the President of Bolivia will tell you, the President
of Brazil is a very warm and nurturing person.
Of Alberto Gonzales it will someday be written,
"His mendacity was only exceeded by his incompetence."

Britta always laughed when warned not to swim
too far from shore.

Friday, March 23, 2007

"See, I told you I could still talk OK without my codpiece."

Remember when Michael Kinsley was one of the
best left-of-center thinkers and writers in America?
Ah, those were the days.
Hezbollah Leader Sends Up Trial Balloon

Not every little boy gets to be a part of setting a new world
record by helping build a salo baguette 141 feet long. And
then you get to help eat it. Yum!
Rin Tin Tin Follows Scent of Money Westward;
Ends Up in Hollywood
101st Fighting Keyboarder Surging into Iraq
Tiger Woods to Be Named Honorary Member of the
British Government's Ministry of Silly Walks
Most music critics agree Jamie Cullum has his own
unique style of playing jazz piano.
"At least we agree on one thing, Senator Inhofe: Joe
Lieberman is about as funny as a pilonidal cyst."
No matter how many times José had been warned against
smoking in the outhouse, he insisted on lighting up.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Republican Representative Lynn Westmoreland has the
reputation for being the biggest asshole in the House.
Lately, his feverish behavior has led to the recommendation
that his temperature be taken with

the world's largest rectal thermometer.
Pakistani Lawyer Named 'Best Dressed Demonstrator' of 2007

"Edwards to Suspend Campaign," read the headline at
The Politico. Here you see the author (aka Humpty Dumpty) of
that headline, just before he fell off the wall and had a great fall.
Owner says she named her pet albino hedgehog 'Tony Snow',
because "when attacked, it rolls into a tight ball, brandishes
its spines, and grunts, snuffles and squeals, just like the
President's press secretary."
Tightrope Walker's Career on the Way Down
As the Son of God inched along, he thought:
"Jesus H. Christ, I am so sick of rush-hour traffic!"
White House and Congress Engaged in a Tug of War
Over Justice Deparment Irregularities
Paul Nixon will be the first to tell you cricket players
are real babe magnets.

"Praise the Lord and de-fund the ammunition!"

What Wallace Stegner once wrote about an early
rival of John Wesley Powell applies equally to the
Republican Senator from Oklahoma, James Inhofe:
"He was a preposterous, twelve-gauge, hundred-proof,
kiln-dried, officially notarized fool."

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Of the many dreadful consequences of global warming will
be a world-wide epidemic of Inhofe-and-Mouth Disease.
"That's right. I coughed, sneezed, belched, hiccupped, yawned,
and farted, all at the same time. Man, you should see what
I look like now!"
Tooth Fairy for Kids Who Won't Brush Their Teeth
Is the bishop taking the hat off his own head,
or is he putting it on the priest's head?

"You say this is a Ford Escape, eh? If so, why are we still here?"
"There she is, Miss America
There she is, your ideal!"
At the London premiere, people couldn't tell
whether Carmen Electra was coming or going.

Soccer Shoes: the Next Generation

Certain modifications had to be made to JFK
International before the Airbus A380 could take off.
Who says water sprites are mythical creatures?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

"Gawrsh! I sure told Congress who rules the roost
around here, didn't I? Hu-yuck, hu-yuck, hu-yuck!"
Rest easy. The python has just eaten.

Mike Allen, chief political correspondent for
The Politico, credits Matt Drudge for encouraging
him to buy the tie and Fox News for inspiring him
to wear it.
Pro-war demonstrator suspects Michelle Malkin may be
a Chinese Communist. "She certainly looks an awful lot
like one," he says.
Department of Justice to be Renamed
Department of Lickspittles

Ah, to be able again to nap as a child,
'twould be very heaven.
Neanderthal Man Wondering Whether 
'Handsome Brute' Is a Compliment
or an Insult