The Grand Prize in this year's Tour de France is

all the sunflowers the winner can count.

Rubbish Bins Waiting to Be Filled with the Words

Uttered at the G8 Summit in St. Petersburg

The Sultan of Brunei doesn't need a National Security Agency,

because his ears hear everything.

Meet Captain Ed. He lives in the

Captain's Quarters of a Man O' War, and

his wife is First Mate. His mission is to

seek and destroy the Pirates of the Left

Hemisphere before his grandchildren

grow up to be Godless and reject the

precepts of chiropractic.

Bush and Putin Begin to Transmogrify,

Slipping Back Into the Eighth Dimension

1. "So why haven't you Googled me?"

2. "And you didn't even say 'Thank You'."

3. "But I was wearing a raincoat."

4. "And I would like to Google you again."

Presenting the Sultan of Brunei, Hassanal Bolkiah,

Along with His Primary and Secondary Replicators

When George looked deeply into Vladimir's soul, he realized

they were made for each other.

In Russia, you must be 'authorized' to protest.

This man wasn't.

The Sultan of Brunei won't admit it, but he got the idea for

his palace from watching the Christian Broadcasting Network.

Spanish Sleeping Brigade Prepares for Departure to the Congo

"So I get charged big bucks for the back of this gown,

even though it's not there? You must be a graduate

of the Emperor's New Clothes School of Fashion Design."

Do you suffer from a fear of clowns (technically

known as clownphobia or coulrophobia)? If so, by now

you should be experiencing shortness of breath, rapid

breathing, irregular heartbeat, nausea, sweating, and

a sense of foreboding.

Immigration Reform Plans #1

Each illegal immigrant from Mexico now in the

United States consumes, on average, 17.6 pounds

of chile peppers annually. So, if the possession

and sale of these peppers were banned in the US,

then all the illegal immigrants from Mexico would

go back home.

Senator Frist Opens Piehole, Nothingness Escapes

Bushes by Lebanese Candlelight

First there was the Popemobile.

Now there's the Putinmobile.

Some people chew their fingernails down to the quick.

John Bolton has been known to chew his fingers all the

way down to his knuckles.

Mom and Pop Meerkat Protect Offspring from

Middle East 'Peace Process'

George Bush believes that presidential success

all depends on how you hold your mouth.

Panicked by record oil prices, the Merrill Lynch

bull trampled all investors in its path.

For old time's sake, Germany invades France again.

Waiting for Unhappy Hour, When Molotov Cocktails Are 
Two-for-One

Baby Democrat Protests Presidential Power Grab

"'Not to worry', you said, 'taking a free ride on a motorbike

is a foolproof way to prevent bird flu'. Ha! Now we're gonna

end up as dead duck soup. No wonder they call you a quack!"

Why War Is Bad #1
It hurts your eardrums.

Plastic Man As Bullfighter

Germany and the United States Carve Up Roasted

Wild Pig to Be Served to Their Allies in the Middle East

Ben Roethlisberger Testifies at Bikers Anonymous Meeting

Why Hitler Invaded Poland

The pink poodle has only one natural enemy:

the pink panther.

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of

As the World Burns.

This retired Lt. Col. advocates taking no

terrorists as prisoners of war. "Kill'em all,"

he says. That's what the terrorists say, too.

So, how can you tell the good guys from the

bad guys? The good guys have bigger guns

and are the last left standing.

Sandi Mudlolly takes a bath every Saturday night,

whether she needs it or not.

Opposed to a free trade agreement with the US, a South Korean

protester asks, "Which part of No do you not understand?"

Cooking is an indicator of civilization, even if it's cooking
 bread over cow dung.

Cyrano de Bergerac Challenges Entire Tour de France

to a Duel

"You play one more note on that confounded blues harp

and I'll fill you full of lead!"

Pick a spot on the earth at random these days,

and you're likely to see a standoff between riot

police and protesters. Why are so many people

so dissatisfied?

All of his students had raised their hands, but

he wouldn't call on any of them. Why was the

professor being so unpredictable?

Shift Change on the Killing Floor

Mother Macaque Shows Her Baby One of the Uses

of Modern Plumbing

Mongolian Gothic

When President Bush looked at his new

red, white, and blue shoes, he couldn't

decide whether to salute, say the Pledge

of Allegiance, or sing the National Anthem.

Bronco Billy Earns More Frequent Flyer Miles

Mother Mei Xiang Crashes Baby Tai Shan's

Birthday Party

Headed to St. Petersburg, Russia, Laura and

George were obviously happy to get the hell out

of Dodge.

It's still a mystery why Zorro's Black Whip showed

up in Kashmir on election day.

What Is Meant by the Phrase,

'Head-to-Head Competition'

Did you know that Torquemada, an Inquisitor General, was the

inventor of high heel shoes? But even he wasn't so cruel as to

tape them to a woman's feet so that they couldn't be removed.