Saturday, July 15, 2006

The Grand Prize in this year's Tour de France is
all the sunflowers the winner can count.
Rubbish Bins Waiting to Be Filled with the Words
Uttered at the G8 Summit in St. Petersburg
The Sultan of Brunei doesn't need a National Security Agency,
because his ears hear everything.
Meet Captain Ed. He lives in the
Captain's Quarters of a Man O' War, and
his wife is First Mate. His mission is to
seek and destroy the Pirates of the Left
Hemisphere before his grandchildren
grow up to be Godless and reject the
precepts of chiropractic.
Bush and Putin Begin to Transmogrify,
Slipping Back Into the Eighth Dimension
1. "So why haven't you Googled me?"
2. "And you didn't even say 'Thank You'."
3. "But I was wearing a raincoat."
4. "And I would like to Google you again."
Presenting the Sultan of Brunei, Hassanal Bolkiah,
Along with His Primary and Secondary Replicators
When George looked deeply into Vladimir's soul, he realized
they were made for each other.

In Russia, you must be 'authorized' to protest.
This man wasn't.
The Sultan of Brunei won't admit it, but he got the idea for
his palace from watching the Christian Broadcasting Network.
Spanish Sleeping Brigade Prepares for Departure to the Congo
"So I get charged big bucks for the back of this gown,
even though it's not there? You must be a graduate
of the Emperor's New Clothes School of Fashion Design."

Friday, July 14, 2006

Do you suffer from a fear of clowns (technically
known as clownphobia or coulrophobia)? If so, by now
you should be experiencing shortness of breath, rapid
breathing, irregular heartbeat, nausea, sweating, and
a sense of foreboding.
Immigration Reform Plans #1
Each illegal immigrant from Mexico now in the
United States consumes, on average, 17.6 pounds
of chile peppers annually. So, if the possession
and sale of these peppers were banned in the US,
then all the illegal immigrants from Mexico would
go back home.
Senator Frist Opens Piehole, Nothingness Escapes
Bushes by Lebanese Candlelight
First there was the Popemobile.
Now there's the Putinmobile.
Some people chew their fingernails down to the quick.
John Bolton has been known to chew his fingers all the
way down to his knuckles.
Mom and Pop Meerkat Protect Offspring from
Middle East 'Peace Process'
George Bush believes that presidential success
all depends on how you hold your mouth.
Panicked by record oil prices, the Merrill Lynch
bull trampled all investors in its path.
For old time's sake, Germany invades France again.
Waiting for Unhappy Hour, When Molotov Cocktails Are Two-for-One
Baby Democrat Protests Presidential Power Grab
"'Not to worry', you said, 'taking a free ride on a motorbike
is a foolproof way to prevent bird flu'. Ha! Now we're gonna
end up as dead duck soup. No wonder they call you a quack!"
Why War Is Bad #1
It hurts your eardrums.
Plastic Man As Bullfighter

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Germany and the United States Carve Up Roasted
Wild Pig to Be Served to Their Allies in the Middle East
Ben Roethlisberger Testifies at Bikers Anonymous Meeting
Why Hitler Invaded Poland
The pink poodle has only one natural enemy:
the pink panther.
Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of
As the World Burns.
This retired Lt. Col. advocates taking no
terrorists as prisoners of war. "Kill'em all,"
he says. That's what the terrorists say, too.
So, how can you tell the good guys from the
bad guys? The good guys have bigger guns
and are the last left standing.
Sandi Mudlolly takes a bath every Saturday night,
whether she needs it or not.
Opposed to a free trade agreement with the US, a South Korean
protester asks, "Which part of No do you not understand?"
Cooking is an indicator of civilization, even if it's cooking
 bread over cow dung.

Cyrano de Bergerac Challenges Entire Tour de France
to a Duel
"You play one more note on that confounded blues harp
and I'll fill you full of lead!"
Pick a spot on the earth at random these days,
and you're likely to see a standoff between riot
police and protesters. Why are so many people
so dissatisfied?
All of his students had raised their hands, but
he wouldn't call on any of them. Why was the
professor being so unpredictable?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Shift Change on the Killing Floor
Mother Macaque Shows Her Baby One of the Uses
of Modern Plumbing
Mongolian Gothic
When President Bush looked at his new
red, white, and blue shoes, he couldn't
decide whether to salute, say the Pledge
of Allegiance, or sing the National Anthem.
Bronco Billy Earns More Frequent Flyer Miles
Mother Mei Xiang Crashes Baby Tai Shan's
Birthday Party
Headed to St. Petersburg, Russia, Laura and
George were obviously happy to get the hell out
of Dodge.
It's still a mystery why Zorro's Black Whip showed
up in Kashmir on election day.
What Is Meant by the Phrase,
'Head-to-Head Competition'

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Did you know that Torquemada, an Inquisitor General, was the
inventor of high heel shoes? But even he wasn't so cruel as to
tape them to a woman's feet so that they couldn't be removed.