Once upon a time, people thought Dick Cheney was only an
inherently evil son of a bitch. Now people know that he is
also an inherently evil exemplum of lumbar spinal stenosis.

"Ear extensions? Beg pardon, but you
must be confusing me with phonies
like Tyra Banks and Meghan McCain."

Fearguth's Rules of Order #33
If a polar bear seeks empirical proof that you
suffer from bromhidrosis, politely aquiesce when
it starts sniffing your feet.

"There are different kinds of truths
for different kinds of people.
There are truths appropriate for children,
like the people who watch Fox News.
There are truths that are appropriate for college dropouts,
like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.
There are truths that are appropriate for educated adults,
like my son, Dr. William Kristol.
There are truths that are appropriate for
highly educated adults,
like me.
The notion that there should be one set of truths
available to everyone is a modern democratic fallacy.
It doesn't work.
Nor do I anymore.
I just died."

Q: What is life?
A: A ceaseless struggle to keep from
falling through the cracks.

As long as the Wretched of the Earth have enough joie de vivre
to play volleyball in the middle of a garbage dump, there may
yet be hope for the human race.

World's Worst Yoobs #50
Amy Ridenour

"Awk! Did I hear someone say it's International
Talk Like a Parrot Day?"

Jesse Watters Named as 'Person of
Interest' in Serial Liar Case

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #10

If someone asks, "What do you call your political ideology?"
and you answer, "Paleolibertarian Anarcho-Capitalism,"
you should probably consider smoking a little less crack.

Linda Lovelace had her clit in her throat;
Glenn Beck has his dick in his mouth.

The Straw Man Fallacy is bad, but the Mr. and Mrs.
Strawman Fallacy is much worse.

Flag Desecration #25

Values Voter Summit to Be Held in Death Valley,

282 Feet Below Sea Level

Two-Minute Haters #7
R. Emmett Tyrell and Robert Stacy McCain

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #90
Phil Gingrey

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #9

"I have wings, so why can't I fly?"

"Hmm, I would have preferred to take the road less

traveled, but, at the moment, I seem to have run

out of choices."

Of Obama the Antichrist's many purposes on Earth

is his mission to expose to public view all the

Nine-Twelvers, Tenthers, Birthers, Truthers,

Tea Partiers, and Teabaggers who constitute about

one-fourth of the population of the United States.

And then to laugh at them for the next 1,000 years.

Beck's Brain

"We ♥ G-l-e-n-n B-e-c-k."

Remember: keeping His eye on the Universe 24/7/365
is just one of God's many responsibilities. So, He would
appreciate it if you would quit yer bitchin' and get

back to work.

Allegories for Our Time #8
Risk Pooling

Wouldn't ya know! Just when he needed it most,
he realized he had left his Clearasil Ultra™ Pimple
Blocker Pen over at his girlfriend's house.

"So, when did it first occur to you, Glenn, that you could
make millions by becoming the Pied Piper of Wackaloonia?"

Flag Desecration #24

"I am not among those who believe Iran is an
existential issue for Israel. Norman Podhoretz,
however, is another matter."

World's Worst Yobs #132
David Von Drehle

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #89
Kevin Brady

"Halt!"

"On the health-care reform issue, Senator, you are
the leader of the so-called 'Baucus Caucus'. Is
there a reason why you're the only one in it?"

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #8

How long do you think it will take Matt Drudge

to put up a scary headline about the white guy in

Georgia arrested for beating an African-American

female soldier in front of her 7-year-old daughter

inside a Cracker Barrel restaurant?

Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #8
Riehl World View

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #7

The Day the Chancellor of Germany Left Her
Teeth at Home

Glenn Beck's reaction was immediate when he heard Alex
Jones say, "Your bizarre and clownish antics of fake crying ...
are doing nothing but reinforcing the stereotype that the
conservative right is insane."

Is Kentucky GOP pol Steve Nunn the
first Republican politician to be
charged with murder? Will he be
the last?

"Right about here, Mr. President, is where I think you
should warn the American people about the perils
of cohabitation."

Indonesia's Dani Tribesmen Join the Tea Party Express

"David, my theory is that men like us with weak
chins and funny names are pretty much at the
mercy of fate when it comes to who still has head
hair and who doesn't."

Former Vice President Now Available in an
Easy-Open, Microwaveable Can

For some reason, 21st-century men began to complain
they were having fewer 'wet' and more 'dry' dreams.

Richard Keith 'Dick' Armey holds a Ph.D. in
economics from the University of Oklahoma
and taught economics at North Texas State
University--now UNT--for a number of years
before being elected to the U. S. House of
Representatives in 1984. What set him
apart as a professor of economics was
his use of shadow animals to illustrate
his Texomaesque interpretation of the
theories of Milton Friedman.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #88
Mark Williams

Bernanke Says Recession "Very Likely Over," Despite a
Rumor to the Contrary Being Spread by 15.6 Million
Unemployed Americans

New Study Shows Dolphins More Thoughtful, Better
Swimmers Than Humans

"Barack calling Kanye a 'jackass'---that's funnier
than Hee-Haw!"