For Those Hard-to-Remove

Canuckian Steyns

Burning Man Comes to Big D

Shock and disbelief were widespread when it

 was revealed yesterday that 'Scott Brown' is

 actually a paid Hollywood actor, whose 

real name is Lemuel Q. Stoopnagle.

Romney Moves to Center

Recently-Declassified Photograph #33

Tagg Romney's La-Z-Boy®

What Really Sat Down Beside Little Miss Muffet

Newsweek To Cease Print Publication, Will Go All-

National Enquirer , All the Time, Early Next Year

Oxymorons for Our Time #138

University of Phoenix

Campaign Spox Clarifies Debate Statement, Says

Romney Meant to Say, "Women in Blinders"

Asked if he had seen any of Jesus’ fossil 

footprints while he was at Dinosaur National 

Monument,  he replied, "I almost thought I 

did, but a Sun Devil sprung up, blew sand 

in my eyes, and, before I could whip out my 

trusty bandanna to clarify my vision,  I had 

lost interest."

Come to think of it, he had never really seen

the shoes his dentist wore.

Like the Old Stereotypist says, "Ya see one Romney,

ya seen 'em all!"

Tagg Romney Sez:  "Well, you want to jump out of your

 seat and rush down to the debate stage and take a 

swing at Obama!"

[Tagg apparently prefers the 'boxing metaphor' to

the 'horse-race metaphor' for elections.]

British Cops Mistake Three Blind Mice for Watery 

Tarts Throwing Swords, Tase Them

Warm Scuzzies #338

Dinesh D'Souza

“Congrats Mr President balls are a beautiful thing.  I'd sure

 like to have a pair."

Mitt Romney Sez:  "And I brought us whole binders full 

of women.”

[Imagine trying to fact-check this statement.]

As Fran Lebowitz once said, "The opposite of talking

isn't listening.  The opposite of talking is waiting."

[Except in a presidential debate, where two people

get to talk at the same time.]

Warm Scuzzies #337

Vikram Pandit

Recently-Declassified Photograph #32

Paul Ryan's To-Do List for 10/12/12

The Unexpurgated Bible #81

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people
 in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward 
from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you  pre-
tend to wash dishes, sound no trumpet before you,  as the 
hypocrites do in the soup kitchens and in the streets, 
that they may be praised by others."

"Believe me, my friends, these are dishpan hands!"

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Soup Kitchen

Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #16

Imagine The Great Big Book of Horrible Things.  That would

be Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post.

Janis Lane Sez:  "Our country might have been better off 

if it was still just men voting. There is nothing worse than 

a bunch of mean, hateful women. They are diabolical in 

how than can skewer a person."

Fibber Ryan even lies about washing dishes.

John Yoo Denounces President Obama for Not 

Waterboarding Deferred Deportees, Saying the 

President Has "Pushed the Executive Power 

Beyond All Constitutional Limits"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #431

Steve Youngblood

One Giant Leap for Red Bull

"Paul Ryan Solves Rubik's Cube Puzzle While 

Doing One-Handed Pushups"

Warm Scuzzies #336

Arthur Allen

"Samuel Joseph 'Joe the Plumber' Wurzelbacher, the 

Republican running against U.S. Rep. Marcy Kaptur, 

D-Toledo, skipped out on the City Club of Cleveland debate 

Thursday and has earned a reputation for being all but 

impossible to contact, even by his fellow Republicans."

[Maybe he has been kidnapped by Jonathan Krohn.]

Joe Biden Gets Serious

The last time Jonathan Krohn played the big stakes slots 

in Vegas, he won Bill Bennett as Grand Prize.  What to do 

with him afterward severely taxed his pubescent mind,

as time would tell.

A fallen creature can never have

enough landing gear, they say.

"My fellow Americans, I challenge you to look

Paul Ryan straight in the face without laughing.

Like me, you can't do it, can you?"

"Maybe if I walk very, very softly, nobody will notice that

I'm a Jimmy Durante fan."

"We storks will vote for Todd Akin for sure.  Shucks!  Without

his opposition to the science of reproduction, where would 

we storks be?  Unemployed!  Out of the business of 

delivering babies, that's where we would be!"

"Dick Morris, your attention please!  We black helicopters 

are here to dilute your national sovereignty, undermine 

your democratic values, mandate massive transfers of 

your wealth to third world countries, and, lest we forget,

blow your balls off!”

As Arlen Specter finally learned, it's not enough to

dodge many bullets (as he had):  you must dodge them

all (which he didn't).

Friday was just another episode of Slambang Theater 

on Wall Street.

"Yes, how well I remember when I laughed out loud

 at the funeral for Betamax."

"Study it out and you'll know that I spent the afternoon

getting my hair fixed at Juanita Jean's, the World's

Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc."

Venus de Milo, the World's Most Famous 

Statue of Limitations

Mark Steyn, the Garbage Canuck, Sez:  

"I LOATHE Sesame Street!"

"What's that?"

"It's Mitt Romney's Bamboozle Box."

"I wonder what's in it."

"Here's a sneak preview, but don't

tell anyone else."

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #71

Bitch Perfect

If he wins in November, here is what a Mitt 

Romney Thanksgiving will look like.

"It was pretty clear who the grown-up 

on the debate stage was.”