Rand Paul Adds Another Straw Pole to His Collection

"Has anybody seen my marbles?"

"Our government in Washington has been infiltrated by 

Muslims and my brain is full of fuck!"

CPACycle

"No fapping, boys, no fapping!"

"ISIS is like a virus that takes out your whole computer. 

If you don't weed it out you're just gonna be back at 

it again more and more.  So America needs to send

John McAfee to the Middle East now!"

Some People Never Learn

Someone please start a Go Funk Me campaign so Richard 

Mack can buy this Zigaboo Modeliste album.

Le fils de le buisson (after Magritte)

For those who take a more Freudian view of life,

there's the Plush Stool Bank.

Rail Splitter Explaining Why Hoover and Harding

Weren't Invited to the Party of Lincoln

Jumbo Jet Taxis on the CPAC Runway

You could always tell when she was voting against

someone in the CPAC Straw Poll.

"Yeah, you have to admit I'm pretty darn clever.  I've

 figured out a way to fart on the flag while, at the same 

time, people here at CPAC are thinking I'm a 

superpatriot."

Flag Desecration #84

Funeral Home Fans Very Popular at CPAC 2015

Joe McCarthy didn't live to see that the 

center of the web of government subversion

 would be the Republican-controlled House 

of Representatives.  Lucky guy!

William Temple, the Most Illustrious Transtemporal

Cross-Dresser of the 21st Century, Leads CPAC

Attendees in Walking Out of Jeb Bush Speech

Good News for the Deparment of Homeland Security!  

Payday Loans Now Available from EZ House of 

Representatives!

"If my head weren't so large, I'd give John Boehner

 a run for his money as Speaker of the House!"

The bad news is that conservatives and liberals only agree

on one thing.  The good news is the one thing they agree 

on is Jeb Bush should not be President.

"As this ham sandwich clearly shows, world hunger is

a hoax!"

"What's that?"

"Somebody just dropped John Bolton on Chicago."

Meanwhile, across the street from CPAC . . .

When a Facepalm Simply Isn't Enough

Bill O'Reilly Throws Down the Gauntlet, Challenges

Media Peers to 24-Hour, No-Holds-Barred Lie-Off

 “If I can take on 100,000 protesters. I can do the same to

 ISIS! Oops!  Did I just say that?  King's X!”

[When he speaks at CPAC, Walker needs two teleprompters:  

one for the text and one for the subtext.]

"Honey, what's for dinner?"

"How does Feet Loaf sound?"

"Yummy!  And for dessert?"

"Ladies' Fingers."

The Unexpurgated Bible #113

"Lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and Ted saw the 

Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him."

Technically speaking, Carly Fiorina is not a witch.  But she 

looks like she's made out of wood and would probably float. 

Senator Inhofe Tests His Hypothesis That a

Snowball Has a Better Chance in the Senate

Than in Hell

Jihadi John's John

Sign of the Times #63

Senator Inhofe commits the Argumentum Ad Viburnum

Fallacy on the floor of the U. S. Senate.

It made Jesus sad when he couldn't afford the

 $1,700 needed to buy a premium, all-inclusive

 pass to CPAC.

Dalai Llama Credited with Ending Arizona 'Llamas on

 the Llam' Crisis

Speaker Boehner's Kissing Gourami Impression Makes

Room Full of Reporters Break Out in Nervous Laughter

FCC Turns Internet Into a Public Utility, 

Reactions Mixed on Cat Street

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #66

Scott Walker

"Please, please send me to Area 51, not District 9!"

Whiteworld #25

Where's Blackie?, a New Children's Game

"Remember the Putzenjammer Kids, Holy Father?  Well,

that was me and my brother."

At CPAC, Dr. Ben Carson told his audience that

conservatives should put the Constitution on the 

top shelf, along with the Glenfiddich, Abuelo, and

Herradura.

Seen at CPAC: a

Fashionable Alternative

to the Tinfoil Hat

"Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome Mr.

Bill O'Liely!"

With a newborn at her breast, the orangutan had no reason 

to think about Sarah Palin selling Bibi t-shirts.

Breaking News Mashups #9

'At Least 108 Dead in Bickering over 'Clean' Homeland 

Security Bill'

This Is Your  Life: Spending the second half of it unlearning 

the bullshit you learned in the first half.

The Four Rs: Ronald Reagan Ranting Robustly

"Hey, couch potatoes!  Just wanted you to know I'm a

dust mite and I live in furniture."