South Carolina Lawyer Says Erratic Behavior Is

Due to Cough Remedy Used to Relieve Allergy

to Wife

To help offset the backlash against the new 'It's OK to Hate

 Gays' law, Indiana has launched an innovative campaign

 to boost tourism.

"Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of 

Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive 

the gift of the Holy Ghost."

"There's just one place

That can light my face

Scary, Indiana, 

Scary, Indiana, 

Not Louisiana, Paris, France, New York, or Rome, but--

Scary, Indiana,

Scary, Indiana, 

Scary, Indiana,

My home sweet home."

"Do you wanna get wet?"

"Nah."

"Me neither."

At the current exchange rate, one Pence

equals one-and-a-half cents.  Sounds

about right.

Not-As-Evel Knievel

Tom Bodett says he'll leave the light on for you.

Poster Boy for the Great California

100-Year Drought

Rand Paul Sez:  “We need a revival in the country. 

We need another Great Awakening with tent 

revivals of thousands of people saying, ‘Reform or

 see what’s going to happen if we don’t reform.’”

[Somewhere Along the Sawdust Trail]

Huge Underground City Found in Turkey

How You Can Tell You're in Indiana

If you have a tendency toward despair 

during the day, only read The Great Big

Book of Horrible Things at night.

Louie says the only thing protecting us from 

a Gohmert Presidency is his baldpate.

Hurray for androgenic alopecia!

Rand Paul Abandons All Pretense of Being a Man of

 Principle, Becomes Just Another Brand X Politician

In 2015, the Hoosiers of Indiana devised the 

ultimate plan.  The plan required something

 irrational, hateful, intolerant.  They created 

The Discriminator.

"At this moment in my life, I'm facing adversity.  But,

like Abraham Lincoln, my muppet and I will persevere

in the face of this trial and will never give up!"

Two Ruinous Termite Species Have Mated in Florida, 

Bad News for Scott Walker

Boycott Indiana? Oh yes, that is highly logical!

Skanky McWanker has obviously learned a lot from

Taylor Swift.

Pete Sessions is to mathematics what the iceberg was to 

the Titanic.

Rand Paul can reverse the polarity of his ideological flow faster 

than a pulsar can emit a beam of electromagnetic radiation.

If you're needing to take a bath but have been putting it off, 

take one look at Phil Robertson's mangy mug and before 

you know it, you'll be singing 'Splish Splash' in the shower.

"I am the only one who can make Trump truly great again."

One of the advantages of being wealthy is that you can

afford to have more than one middle name.  So, for 

example, Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson is the 

brother of Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson.  You'll

notice they share the name 'Swanson'.  That's

because they are both heirs to the frozen TV

 dinner fortune.  Something else they share is a

fondness for scatological invective, such as

calling Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "Whiny

little self-righteous bitch" and "LabiaFace."

Another term for this sort of behavior is

'ejaculatory rage'.

When he says that Galileo denied the Earth was

flat, Ted Cruz is merely perpetuating The Myth of 

the Flat Earth.  For over 1,800 years before Galileo

 was born, the 'accepted scientific wisdom' was that

the Earth is a sphere.

Galileo Reacts to Being Compared to

Ted Cruz

World's Worst Yobs #326

Buckley Carlson

"You say, Senator Graham, 'You can’t govern the country 

based on being angry'.  What about pouting?”

World's Worst Yoobs #153

Nellie Andreeva

For a Texas shitkicker, Ted Cruz has the most 

immaculate cowboy boots in the Senate.

When it comes to that 6-car pileup called 'George 

Zimmerman', the media are all rubberneckers.

REPORT:  There's Gold in Them Thar Angry Turds!

Warm Scuzzies #544

John Menard, Jr.

Less than one day after he pledged to "repeal every word

 of Obamacare," Ted Cruz has signed up for Obamacare.

Cave Springs, Arkansas Police Department Acquires

$30,000 Armored Vehicle, Says It's Now Ready for

the Coming Zombie Apocalypse

Humans eventually became extinct, but their

weapons kept on fighting.

"Ted Cruz is too fey to suit me."

In their psychosexual development, do Hoosier women 

experience 'Pence Envy'?

President of Afghanistan and U. S. Secretary of State

in 30-Minute, Two Out of Three Falls, Grinning Match

Syrian Fighters Take Time Out to Play Angry Birds

It is easier to imagine Bender as Napoleon than 

George Zimmerman as Anne Frank.

When she grows up, she wants to be a Ted Cruz jeerleader.

"Before 9/11, my favorite musical composition was Brahms' 

Paganini Variations.  But 9/11 changed everything, including 

my taste in music, and so I started listening to country music, 

especially Homer and Jethro's 'The Battle of Kookamonga'."

United States Spying on Israel Spying on Iran Spying 

on Iraq Spying on ISIS Spying on the United States

Warm Scuzzies #543

Gulfport Energy

"Could John Kasich be the GOP’s secret weapon in 2016? 

At least John Kasich thinks so."

Members of Matthew 24 Now, a band of curbside buskers 

from Idaho, have been arrested after sparking a riot in the 

middle of a Walmart parking lot in Cottonwood, Arizona.  

One observer described their music as "Just screeching 

noise, like unreal."

With the firing squad making a comeback in Utah, can

drawing and quartering be far behind?