Happy Hollow Weenie!

Paleontologists have confirmed what has long been 

suspected, viz., that the world's first Brontosaurus

 evolved out of a Trick-or-Treat bag filled with 

uneaten candy corn.

Scholars say Attila the Bun contributed to the decline of

the Western Roman Empire in the late 5th century CE.

Paul Singer, Hedge-Fund Billionaire and GOP Mega-Donor, 

Chooses Marco Rubio to Be One of His Designer Accessories

The Five Stages of the Jeb! 

Campaign's Morbidity

1. "I'm not dead."

2. "I'm getting better."

3. "I feel fine."

4. "I think I'll go for a walk."

5. "I feel happy, I feel happy!"

Area Man Making GoFundMe Appeal on Behalf of

the Rude Birdwatchers of America

Marco Rubio is David Brooks' new Wonky-Tonk Man.

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #122

The Whining

"Beware the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, 

the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered

 rodent you ever set eyes on!"

Fidogeist Sez: "Boo-Woo!"

Giant Runaway Jack-O-Lantern in Peoria, Arizona

Stopped by Kool-Aid Man

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh-elyah-aaaaahhhhhh-elyah-aaaahhhh!" 

Federal Judge Orders Bobby Jindal to Fund Planned 

Parenthood Out of His Weekly Allowance

Oxymorons for Our Time #177

Reform Conservatism

Inside Jonah Goldberg's Head

Jeb Bush Eating Humble-Pie-on-a-Stick

What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #24

A Gotcha Monster

Jeb Bush's Master Plan

Paul Ryan Elected House Speaker with Mandate to Unite

 Republicans in Single-Passenger Clown Car

Great Moments in Victimology #1

"Congrats, Paul D.! You're now Speaker of the House and 

third in line to be POTUS."

"They say these Caddys were flying high and then they

just augured in."

"All Earthlings are funny looking in a general sort of way, 

Big Dog, but Ted Cruz is funny-creepy looking."

“You put me on the stage to debate Hillary next September

 and I guarantee there won't be room for her on that stage!"

"Facts? We don't need no stinking facts!"

"This is not a cage match!" Ted yelled as he slammed the

moderator's head into the turnbuckle.

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #72

Jeb Bush

Small Children Unamused by Chief Sitting Bush

"As Ron Paul, my Dad and one of the Founding Fathers, 

once said, "The rent is too damn high!'"

Runaway Blimp Makes Strong Showing 

in Third GOP Debate

"What's that?"

"It's the long and winding road to the Republican

presidential nomination."

"Didn't somebody write a song about that?"

"What say we impeach John Koskinen?"

"Who?"

"John Koskinen."

"Who?"

As Charles Wilson might have said, "What's good for 

General Motors is good for the Moon."

Throwing caution to the winds, he decided it was time to

live dangerously and start vaping processed meat.

"Processed meat?  Never touch the stuff!"

"Please don't eat me!  I'm Pro-Life!"

The Great Trumpkin

'Fourth Video' Shows South Carolina

Student Wielding a Monk's Spade

in One Hand and a Snake Halberd

in the Other

South Carolina Deputy Fired 

After Student-Flinging Incident

"I would not advocate that we put a Jester in charge of 

this nation. I absolutely would not agree with that."

Cap and Bells for the Texas Jester

World's Worst Yoobs #158

Sylvia Thompson

Asked for advice on how to re-ignite his brother's

presidential campaign, Dubya told Jeb that a

man bun would make him awe-inspiring.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #640

Linda Harvey

Donald Trump Sez:  "I tell you, if I were a woman, 

I would wear a burqa."

My Little Punkin'

"How am I losing to these people?”

[Maybe we should tell Lindsey, because 

he's apparently the last to not know.]

On the same day WHO warned that

processed meats can cause cancer,

Jon Stewart announced he was 

opening a Bacon, Ham, and Sausage

Sanctuary.

Donald Trump Sez: "It's not been easy for me, so my father

 gave me a small loan of $1 million from his piggy bank."

"Speak softly and carry on, for the Kingdom of Carson is 

at hand."