Saturday, August 04, 2007

Woo-Hoo Personals #2
Star Wars Vet Seeks Relationship with Guggenheim Fellow
"What do you mean when you say I'm the biggest
embarassment to women and minorities to come along
since Tawana Brawley?"
In the Augie Doggie vs. Doggie Daddy trial, no one knows
for sure how a cat ended up as foreman of the jury.
If Hillary Clinton is elected President, JPod says he will
defenestrate his iPod, eat a Six Dollar Burger at Carl's Jr.,
play Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself) on [Adult Swim], and
then Simpsonize himself.
A slide purportedly showing Iranian trucks loaded with enriched
uranium has been positively identified as the same slide used by
Colin Powell at the United Nations in February, 2003, to show
Iraqi trucks carrying tainted Chinese pet food across the
Continental Divide.
Woo-Hoo Personals #1
Pink Carnation Seeks Guy in White Sport Coat
"Lady Musgrave was none too pleased when I said her
hat looked like the north end of a horse headed south."
Kashmiri Rock Imports Jump 33% in Second Quarter
Camouflage is essential to a baby giraffe's survival in the wild.

Friday, August 03, 2007

"I can't believe those dumbass Rooskies! Have you heard
they planted their flag under the friggin' North Pole?
Don't they know it's way too cold for anything to grow
down there?"
Be careful what you wish for. All Kermit Cintron wanted
for Christmas, for example, was his two front teeth.
Adult gouramis remember when they thought their
parents only kissed.
At 90, Spartacus became a mime.
Only the giant pandas get more attention than Karl Rove
and Alberto Gonzales in the National Zoo.

When the children of Iraq hear the word, 'Bullet', they
probably don't think of Roy Rogers' German Shepherd.
Do not ask Al Gore if he is kin to The Great Gildersleeve.
Though dead, the Fox News mascot was still balanced,
if not fair.

"What exactly do you do at the White House, Mr. Jennings?"
"If I told you, Senatory Leahy, I would have to kill you."

Horn of Plenty, 17th Century

Horn of Plenty, 21st Century
Crab Pots

Pol Pots
World's Worst Jobs #50
Chinese Algae Scrubber

Thursday, August 02, 2007

In a recent Salon article, Sidney Blumenthal refers to these
 guys as 'The Three Stooges'. Never before in the history of 
comedy have the names of Larry, Curly, and Moe been
 so defamed.
"Listen up, boys. Aesop got it all wrong, ya see. I've
got a scheme to take out that hare, once and for all!
Now here's the plan . . ."
Guards Outside the Ministry of Silly Walks
Courtesy of the History Channel, we see here a re-enactment
of how the Greeks (in the white uniforms) defeated the Persians
(in the red uniforms) at the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C.
In celebration of the 20th anniversary of Shark Week, the Discovery
Channel will air exclusive footage of Michelle Malkin landing what
she now admits was not a Great Brown Shark.
"Oh shit! What does Superman do in a situation like this?
Hmmm. Now I remember. He says, 'Up, up, and away!'"
Drudge Report Funnies #10
"FIGHT! Nebraska congressman in heated exchange with Rep.
Jesse Jackson Jr..."
Did you know multi-billionaire Warren Buffett supplements
his income by waiting tables at Blake's Lotaburger on weekends?
"You've got me all wrong, amigos. I work for 
Chick-fil-A®. Surely you recognize me from
 one of those 'Eat Mor Chikin billboards."
World's Worst Yobs #17
Dennis Prager

"Your right rear tire is dangerously overinflated,
you Virginia scofflaw!"
Q: How do you know when Alberto Gonzales is lying?
A: His right hand is raised.
Real Men of Genius drink Bud Light.
This guy obviously doesn't.
What was at first thought to be Senator Ted Stevens has turned
out to be a series of cleverly-disguised tubes for funneling
large quantities of your tax dollars to Alaska.
Computer Map of Alberto Gonzales' Brain Showing
Location of Perjury Tumor
If rapprochement between the United States and Iran is ever
attained, the two countries will have to find some common
ground, like, say, the death penalty.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Thanks to the latest in brain scanning technology,
in the middle distance you can see all that remains
of Attorney General Gonzales' memory.
Polish Architect Credits Frank Lloyd Wrong for Inspiring
His Design of the Very Popular Upside-Down House
Bolivian Miner Claims He Has Uncovered the Light at the
End of the Tunnel of the Iraq War
Condensed Scotsman Wiping Cans of Campbell's Tomato Soup
The Fall of the House of Usher, Part 1:
Pamela Anderson Shakes the Foundation
President and First Lady Host White House Dinner
Honoring Alaskan Highwayman and Ugly Man in Drag
These beluga whales want you to know there are
only 155 shopping days left until Christmas.
Robin Givhan, Washington Post Fashion Editor,
showed cleavage recently, but, apparently,
nobody noticed.
"The Vice President is sort of a weird duck,
or haven't you noticed?"
Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld testified today that
Pat Tillman's death by friendly fire was an 'unknown known',
i. e., a thing that we didn't know we knew.
"Even if I had cleavage, I wouldn't show it like
that tart from New York!"