"I am secretly a citizen of Ethiopia.  You may have already 

read about my most famous ancestor in Acts 8:26-40."

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #29

David R. Usher

Kevin Williamson is not a woman.  Thank God!

Imagine J. Edgar Hoover as the Colossal Beast.  

That would be the National Security Agency.

Steve Ross, owner of the Miami Dolphins, and Rick Scott,

Governor of Florida, are, in Facebook terms, 'in a relation-

ship'.  Don't they make a handsome couple?

All that needs to be said about the much-delayed

departure of Bob Filner as mayor of San Diego is,

"Good widdance to bad wubbish!"

Syria's all blowed up, so it's time for the U.S. to blow it

up some more.

What was long suspected has now been confirmed by a

 recent scientific study:  the Blue State City Mouse is 

smarter than the Red State Country Mouse.

A report out of Florida says George Zimmerman is in the

market for a new phallic prosthesis, like this one.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #519

Reverend Perry Black

If, when they come to trial, James Francis Edwards, Jr., 

Michael Dewayne Jones, and Chancey Allen Luna are

acquitted because they were just 'standing their ground',

then it will be time for some 'Reverse Trayvon' outrage. 

Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) Suggests President

Obama Could Be Impeached for His Intentional

Mishandling of Hurricane Katrina

David Allen Brutsche, 'Sovereign Citizen'

Lieutenant-Governor David DeepDewDewhurst

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #21

Craig Paul Cobb

The Six Million Dollar Man had nothing on 

the Forty-Seven Million Dollar Woman.

Female Muslim Students in Indonesia Narrowly Avert

Annual Encounters with the Hymen Examiner

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #518

Vicki Marble

Illegal Fishing License Found in Liz Cheney's Carpetbag

New Poll Shows 29% of Louisiana Republicans

Blame Hurricane Obama on Katrina Van Den

Heuvel

"Oh, quite honestly, I don't really remember when I realized

I was a bird-dog."

Some say that Matt Kibbe, President and CEO of 

FreedomWorks, stole his sideburns from the 1970s.

But that couldn't be true, because no one in the

1970s ever grew such absurd sideburns.  No one.

Why is it that the first word that pops into your head when

you look at Mark Levin's face is 'scurvy'?  Hasn't Mark

 ever heard of Vitamin C?

In addition to being a renowned

philologist and philosopher, 

Friedrich Nietzsche was also

a proficient juggler who could

keep up to seven of his heads

 in the air at the same time.

Man Claims Special Goggles Made It

Possible for Him to See How God Made 

Pope Benedict Quit

The Unexpurgated Bible #91

“If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and

 you will know the truth, and the truth will put you behind bars 

for 35 years.” 

World's Worst Yobs #291

Jeffrey Toobin

Michael Brandon Hill Described as

'Just an Average Troglodyte'

Your Next Is a Horror Movie for Grammarians

The Unexpurgated Bible #90

"And they went out and fled from the tomb; for trembling and 

astonishment had come upon them when they saw the red, 

white, and blue elephant that had been resurrected from 

the dead; and they said nothing to anyone, for they were 

afraid."

Q:  Does anyone remember how many incandescent 

lightbulb jokes Newt Gingrich told at CPAC this year?

A:  Newt who?

Senator Cruz Holds Nose Whilst Renouncing Citizenship

in Soviet Canuckistan

Contrary to popular belief, T. Herman Zweibel 

was not the father of The Onion. 

This guy was the father of The Onion.

American Schutzstaffel #32

I Remember Dubya #61

Yes, 'Our Leader' led the United States into two pointless 

wars and a great recession.

"President Obama hates white people and

I is a white people!"

Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga After Conjoined

Twins Surgery

Ted Cruz's Paisley Bathrobe

Years at Princeton, 1988-1992

Warm Scuzzies #422

Officer Scott Crow

Ted Cruz's Birth Certificate Proves He's Either

a Canadian-American or an American-Canadian

Alexander the Great

The Great Alexanders

Michael Grunwald, a Time Drone, Tweets "I can't wait

to write a defense of the drone strike that

takes out Julian Assange"; Tweet Taken Out by

Same Time Drone Moments Later

Carmelo Flores, a Bolivian farmer,

attributes his longevity---he's 123

years old---to a diet of quinoa,

riverside mushrooms, and around-

the-clock chewing of coca leaves.

And he's always high, living as

he does in a hamlet located 13,123

feet above sea level.

"Did I hear somebody say, 'federal bribery probe'?"

Warm Scuzzies #421

Scott Gessler

World's Worst Yoobs #137

Sarah Hoyt

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #28

Dan Patrick