Will there ever be enough guns to guard

all the flowers in the world?

Yes, Erick, son of Erick, the Red State Strike Force

commander, did execute a coup d'etat against the

Obama Administration. But, unfortunately, it was

in one of those bad dreams where he found himself

parading around in public clad only in Rush

Limbaugh's line of Viagra-inspired

Guatemalan Gladrags.

Just because you're a former Majority Leader of the Senate

and the nominee to be Secretary of Health and Human

Services doesn't mean you're smart enough to know how

to pay your taxes. That's way too much to expect from

someone with that Ted Haggard look.

Katon Dawson dates the beginning of his interest in

politics to the day when he joined the fight against

school desegregation in his home state of South Carolina.

He may date the end of his interest in politics to the day

he was defeated by Michael Steele, an African-American,

to be Chairman of the Republican National Committee.

That date will be easy for him to remember because

on that day South Carolina lost the final battle in

the War for Southern Independence.

Given the choice, would you rather have a

69-year-old head resting atop a classically-sculpted

29-year-old body,

or own a prosperous Mennonite farm in Bolivia?

Frickin' Genius Jeff Goldstein Kicked to

Curb by Pajamas Media; Lefty Bloggers

Say He Won't Be Missed

"Mr. President, don't be alarmed, but I’m disappointed

to see the casual, laissez faire, short sleeves, no shirt and

tie, no jacket, kind of locker room experience that seems

to be taking place in the Obama White House and

the Oval Office eight years from now."

Being nearly normal, Novak heard the phrase, 'economic

stimulus', once too often and reacted accordingly.

House Republicans Stand Up for American Taxpayers at

This Time of Economic Hardship by Spending a Long

Weekend at The Homestead Resort in Hot Springs, Virginia

It was only after his parents heard that boys

with unpopular names are more likely to

break the law that Mr. and Mrs. Yoo decided

to name their son John, instead of Screw.

Justice will not be served until David Addington is

subjected to extraordinary rendition, transferred

to one of the CIA's 'black sites', and compelled, by

means of coercive interrogation techniques, to

confess that Dick Cheney hath wrought in him

all manner of concupiscence.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #7

Mike Pence

Illinois Senate Finally Uproots Miracle-Gro Hairdo

That Will Not Die

"So, Secretary Gates, did I hear you say that you injured your

arm while trying to find your ass with both hands and a map,

not before or after?"

Fox News Headline #2

'Limbaugh Cracks the Whip, and

Republicans Get in Line'

John Yoo, Rent-a-Prof and Torture Maven, fears that

closing Gitmo will send him back to the future, where

he will be like he was on September 10, 2001,

a complete unknown.

The Sleepwalker dreamed that if his party would only

explain its 'core values', it could regain majority status

in Washington. If he ever awakens, he might discover

that it's precisely because the people understand his

party's 'core values' that it has been consigned to

minority status for the foreseeable future.

Monument to Liberator of Iraq Erected

in Saddam Hussein's Home Town

World's Worst Yobs #73

Brian Sussman

Grateful Living Selling Travel Packages for

Dead 09 Tour

Physicists Baffled Why Partially-Eaten Peanut Butter

Bread Always Lands on the Floor Salmonella-Side Down

The Politico Illustrated #8

"Bipartisanship on ice"

Dana Milbank is so shallow water striders avoid him.

American Empire #43

Blowback

"Is it true, Mr. Armey, that even your wife

thinks you're a dick?"

Can you tell the difference between partisan grappling

and post-partisan grappling?

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #6

Jeff Flake

All the Fits That Are News to Print

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #5

John Cornyn

The crowd might have been more sympathetic toward

the fallen footballer had he not been wearing on his chest

the sign of multi-sector collateralized debt obligations

and credit default swaps.

What Happened to the ExxonMobil Tiger After

It Escaped from Corporate Headquarters in

Irving, Texas

If, as he says, Michelle Obama "has this

Stokely-Carmichael-in-a-designer-dress

thing going," Juan Williams must have

a Br'er Fox-in-a-Versace-Suit thing going.

A Loyal Bushie Burrows into Obama's System

World's Worst Yobs #72

Bernard Goldberg

I Remember Dubya #5

Dubya never could hold his liquor, and that's what

endeared him to some people.

Newspaper Unpeels Last Layer of Jobs,

Only a Peal of Ironic Laughter Remains

NBC Still Trying to Sell Super Bowl Ad Spots;

Even Billy Mays Not Buying

Is Rush Limbaugh the new piehole

or the old asshole of the GOP?

The Orifice Police want to know.

I Remember Dubya #4

Down deep, Dubya knew he was a total screwup. But

he also knew that millions of Americans identified

with screwups, total or otherwise. And that's what

kept him going until he helicoptered out of

Washington for the last time.

Target to Cut Jobs at Minnesota Headquarters;

James Lileks Freaks Out, Becomes Leather Boy

Henry Winkler Lookalike Charged with Fonzie Scheme;

Impersonator Reportedly Bilked Happy Days Fans Out

of Billions of Laughs Over Three Decades

Rush Limbaugh will be remembered as

the face of the GOP, the political party

that finally succeeded in making golf as

unpopular as cockfighting, rat baiting,

and other blood sports.

"In answer to your question, Diane, I decided to become

a cheap media whore like you only after I became as mad

as a monkey on a trike and was impeached by the Illinois

House of Representatives."

Halliburton, the world's second-largest oilfield-services

provider, has agreed to pay $559 million in taxpayer

dollars to settle federal charges that employees bribed

officials in Nigeria while former Vice President Dick

Cheney was CEO.

"How long do you think Obama's honeymoon will last?"

"Honeymoon, hell! It wasn't even a one night stand!"

Fred Hiatt always got that 'Lonesome Jones' look right

after he had hired someone 'very smart and very

plugged in', like Bill Kristol, to enhance the diversity

of the Washington Post editorial page.

"Wasn't that a lobbyist who just went through the

revolving door into the Obama Administration?"

"Yeah, Mark Patterson, lobbyist for Goldman Sachs,

is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner's chief of staff."

"But I thought President Obama had pledged to limit

the influence of lobbyists in his administration."

"Think again."

"Right about here, Mr. Secretary, is where you might say,

'Those who use enhanced interrogation techniques aren't

torturers; they're American heroes who should receive the

Presidential Medal of Freedom'."