For the first time in history, a sinking ship, the

USS Joseph Lieberman, has abandoned all

rats on board, including David Brooks, Marty

Peretz, the Lieberkidz, and Richard Goodstein.

Mad Mel: Beyond Thunderbird

Dick Cheney Gets His Gun and

Reports for Duty as a Docent

at NRA World

If Jesus had gone to the wedding feast

in Qana today, there would have been

no water to turn into wine.

You don't have to be a worm farmer to know

that Israel has opened a can of worms.

Pace. Rumsfeld. Abizaid.

Three reasons why Iraq is FUBAR.

A New York hen in Washington, DC, that has grown a rooster

comb, tail and wattle, and has begun to crow, is wreaking
havoc in its chicken house, where the rooster, George #43,
is hopping mad.

When Richard Goodstein eats a cheeseburger,

he turns into Richard Badstein.

Kim Clijsters' Secrets of Success

Never take your eye off the ball.

Child Laborers Building the Yellow Brick Road

While everyone else was roaring with laughter, James Brady

shed a tear at the last meeting in the West Wing briefing room.

Asked about this later, Mr. Brady said, "When is George going

to win one for the Gipper?"

The Christian girl in Jordan could see that the candle

of Lebanese democracy was burning very low.

TPM Muckraker Justin Rood Re-Surfaces After

Exploring the World of Richard Goodstein

This is a publicity still from the upcoming movie,

30 Seconds Over the Marianas, starring John

Doolittle, produced by Tom DeLay, and directed

by Jack Abramoff.

You show up late for prayers,

you don't find a place to park.

The Shining 2: Spawn of Jack Torrance

Some say this Rumsfeld is half full,

some say half empty.

Inductee into the Church of Flaming Orifices

Chugalugs a Bottle of Dave's Insanity Sauce

After the entire city was reduced to stone chips of

uniform size, workers loaded them into trucks that

delivered them to workers who were building the

Highway to Hell.

When Daniel Pipes broadcasts,

the kookaburras listen.

Good Goshamighty! Is it just a little over two years before

George W. Bush waves his final good-bye? Hard to believe,

isn't it? Amazing how time flies when you're having fun!

When the last bomb on Earth blows up the last human

on Earth, this is what the fireball will look like.

"This is one of the most disgusting and hurtful images
 that has been used in American history," said Joe
 Lieberman.  He's right, you know. Blacks everywhere in 
America should be up in arms over this crude attempt to portray 
the Senator from Connecticut as the star of The Jazz Singer. 
Anybody with a lick of sense knows the star was Al Jolson.

Another milestone in aviation history was reached

last week with the world's first manned flight using

only the gas generated by the pilot after he had eaten

a big bowl of Bush's Best Homestyle Baked Beans.

OK, OK, so Jacques Chirac is fond of French Poodles.

What did you expect--a German Shepherd, a Scottish

Terrier, an English Sheepdog, an Australian Stumpy

Tail Cattle Dog? Get serious! The prime minister of

the nation that gave us the french fry is a patriot, if

little else.

Straight From Mars

The candy company that makes M&Ms is now accepting

orders for the candy-coated chocolate nibbles with your

corporate logo or advertising printed on each piece.

Hershey's is now seriously considering placing a very

large order.

Some have objected to this magazine cover

because, they say, it encourages babies to

talk with their mouths full.

Not until it was too late was it learned that Barney

the Doberman hated teddy bears and Elvis Presley.

What's this? An empty coffin in Baghdad?

Well, it won't be empty for long.

Crop Duster in Hot Pursuit of Speed Racer

Mao Zedong hails China's latest achievement:

becoming the world's top emitter of acid

rain-causing sulphur dioxide.

This man is not singing.

Dead Beetle

British Prince and Infamous Cross-Dresser

Resorts to Microscopy to Establish the Magnitude

of the Royal Winky

OK, in this summer of global warming, wouldn't you

agree that Xia Hua has found the cheekiest solution?

When George W. Bush popped out of his mother's 

womb on July 6, 1946, people started picking him up, 

patting him on the back, and protecting him from reality. 

Sixty years later, people are more inclined to keep their 

distance from what has now become the biggest baby

 in the world.

President Bush is said to be giving serious

consideration to nominating this African crowned

crane as the new Secretary of the Department of Living

Fossils. This bird will replace the outgoing secretary,

William F. Buckley, Jr., who says that his possible

replacement is a spitting image of what he looked like

when he founded National Review magazine back in 1955.

Tina Benkiser's fifteen minutes of fame starts . . .

NOW!

She is the Chair of the Texas Republican Party.

Her argument to keep Tom DeLay off the ballot was
 rejected by a three-judge panel of the 5th Circuit 
of Appeals, with these words: "When Benkiser reviewed 
the public records sent by DeLay and concluded 
that his residency in Virginia  made him ineligible, she 
unconstitutionally created a pre-election inhabitancy 
requirement."  Depending on how fast you read, Ms. Benkiser 
has about fourteen minutes of fame left from . . .

NOW!

Imagine an eternity where all warmongers who have ever lived

had to walk down row after row of photographs of their victims.

Would this not be the Paradise of the Cruel?

Mike Thorpe, professional poker player, had bet his

life in a Winner Take All match with The Grim Reaper.

With temperatures soaring, Speed's in Boston has

renamed the 'hot dog' the 'chilly dog'.

In this dream sequence, George Bush is going

on shore leave from the US Coast Guard Cutter, Valiant.

With Boston's temperature topping 100 degrees,

the retriever wished it was in Labrador.

The tragedy had reached its end.

It was time for the comedy to begin.

Security Forces Practice Military Skills During a Training

Session in the West Bank City of Rubbleville

Buffy, the Kodiak bear, was ready to carry

the news of global warming to Wall Street,

even if it meant wading through a pile of

Merrill Lynch bullshit.

The little Lebanese boy didn't understand why his

parents went shopping at Coffins R Us.

Peter Beinart is the editor-at-large of The New Republic.

He is what is called a 'liberal hawk'. You may have spotted

one of these birds before. Its plumage is the same color

as his tie.

Since John Negroponte is the National Intelligence

Director, he must be the smartest person in America.