"I hate to butt in on your conversation, but the plural

 of Attorney-General is not Attorney-Generals; it's 

Attorneys-General."

Food Network Drops Paula Deen Like an E. Coli-

Contaminated Lady's Brunch Burger

Snowden Charged with Stealing Truth in NSA Case

Keep your fingers crossed that pigs never

learn to fly.

Paula Deen has cancelled an appearance on The Today

Show, saying that it conflicted with her appearance on

The Yesterday Show.

Ungrateful Immigrants

So, Rafael Cruz, Ted Cruz's dad, fought on the side of 

Fidel Castro during the Cuban Revolution and then 

bribed an official in the anti-Communist Batista 

government---a U. S. ally in 1957---in order to get 

an exit permit so that he could come to the United 

States on a four-year student visa and study at the

 University of Texas.  While at the University, Rafael

 met and married Eleanor Darragh, a woman from 

Delaware of Italian and Irish descent.  After graduation, 

Rafael and Eleanor moved to Alberta, Canada, 

where he worked in the oil business and became a 

Canadian citizen.  (Rafael didn't become an American

 citizen until 2005, 48 years after he emigrated from Cuba.) 

During their years as Canadian residents, Rafael 

and Eleanor became the parents of now-Senator Ted 

Cruz in 1970 and, four years later, were granted 

political asylum in the U. S. and moved back to Texas. 

How ironic, then, that the junior Senator from 

the Lone Star State is such an ardent opponent

of a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants.

"Hmmm, how many terror plots will I have to claim the

 NSA has disrupted before the American people start 

believing anything I say?"

'Spanking for Jesus' Before It Became a Facebook 

Fad Like 'Planking', 'Owling', and 'Porting'

There are the unemployed who become

cynical, there are unemployed cynics, 

and there are employed cynics.  All of

 these cynics have one thing in common:  

they don't trust their fellow human beings.

  And since they don't trust their fellow

human beings, they tend to become 

paranoid, because everyone is 

conspiring against them.  Yes,

"cynicism is the smoke that rises

from the ashes of burned-out

dreams."

Truth in Advertising #5

Truth in Puritan Advertising

"Swamp Thing lies!  Predator is NOT my bastard son!"

Please be advised that if you tell Swamp Thing 

he looks a lot like The Thing from Another 

World, he may go all real estate on your ass.

Was today the day for Beer Pong or Hash Tag?

He couldn't remember.

Roger Ailes Announces Fox News to Change Name to

'Mayberry Gardens Center for Assisted Media Hack

Living'

To all those who wish to deep throat the

Governor of Maine, please don't forget

 the Vaseline.

Things have not ended well for some of Arizona's best-

known anti-immigrationists.  JT Ready (shown here) 

was the perpetrator of a multiple murder/suicide.  

Shawna Forde is now on death row for murdering

 two Latinos. Christopher Allen Simcox has been 

arrested on suspicion of molesting three girls 

under the age of ten.  Xenophobia is apparently a 

symptom of mental disorders fifty fathoms deep.

Candid Gamera

Kurtz Takes His Heart of Darkness to Fox

Jonathan Matusitz, a University of Central Florida

professor, has been accused of "anti-Muslim bigotry

 and hostility in the form of hate speech toward Islam 

and Muslims," as well as blatant shilling for the açaí 

juice industry.

"Conor Friedersdorf is my BFF!"

John Cornyn, the minority whip and #2 ranking 

Republican in the Senate, collected $65,383 in 

public retirement benefits in 2012 in addition 

to his $174,000 salary as a U.S. Senator.  Those 

public retirement benefits are for Big Bad John's 

four years of service on a county court and six 

years of service on the Texas Supreme Court. 

How's that for triple-dipping?  Not bad for a 

taxes-hating teabagger, is it?

Senator Mike Lee, the Greatest Constitutional Scholar 

to Come Out of Utah Since the Mountain Meadows 

Massacre of 1857

“What do you think that gesture means, the way Mika is

 touching that water bottle?"

What does Christopher Allen Simcox do

when he's not not founding the Minuteman

Civil Defense Corps or running in the 

Republican Party primary in Arizona for

the U. S. Senate?  That's right:  he does

his Chester the Molester impression.

"Smile!  You're on This Is Your FBI's Candid Camera!"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #504

Tom Emmer

Wouldn't owning a remote-controlled, truck-mounted

 radiation death-ray be covered by the Second Amendment?

Warm Scuzzies #403

New York University

"The NSA is averting terrorist attacks faster than I 

can keep up with them.  It's 50 now and it'll probably 

be double that number by next week."

"My fellow banksters:  put ten or more accounts into 

foreclosure and I'll give you a gift card to either Target 

or Bed Bath and Beyond."

This is the face of the Surveillance State

and it's not pretty.

This is the face of today's GOP 

and it's not pretty.

"I think people who use marijuana all the time lose their

 drive to live in Kentucky and become an eye doctor

 like me.”

James Taranto is one of those lucky males whose

sexuality will never be in danger of being

criminalized.

Baked Alaska

Half-Baked Alaska

If you make one more snarky remark about 

Dr. Burgess and onanistic unborns, 

Professor Althouse will put you in the 

Timeout Zone for the remainder of  

Summer School.

Rightbloggers and Other 

Internet Biohazards #138

What's Wrong with the World

Not just male fetuses masturbate, Dr. Burgess.

Have you ever wondered why so many sperm

wear glasses?

Nate Silver Pricks John Harris's 

Beltway Bubble---Again

These guys sure look like they could use a

Happy Meal.

"I don't smoke pot because I really can't afford to

lose any IQ points."

Is Barack Obama Dick Cheney Lite? 

 Judge for yourself.

Little Known Fact #39

Representative Michael Burgess (R-TX) believes twin

male fetuses engage in synchronized onanism.

Perspective Is Everything

"No, I've never considered

blepharoplasty.  Why do

you ask?"

Oxymorons for Our Time #155

Secret Court

"Is, uh, ... Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, 

know whatahmean, nudge nudge, wink wink, know 

whatahmean, say no more?"

If God is omnipotent and omnipresent, how could

government not be God?

Arm the Free Syrian Army homeboys, Mr. President!

It's time to grow a new Osama bin Laden.