Do you wonder if Professor Reynolds is

wearing his favorite t-shirt today?

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #160

Holly Bacon and Michelle Malkin

"When I'm not stoned, I'm a libertarian.  But that's

not often."

Ken Cuccinelli's Expression After Virginia Foxx 

Agreed to Sit on His Face

Joseph Stalin Enters Latest Mass Murder into His

Post-Mortem Ledger of American Massacres

"Of course I own guns!  Doesn't everybody?"

Almighty God Says:  "Yes, I know I'm omnipotent, 

omniscient, and omnipresent.  But who am I to stand

in the way of someone exercising his Second Amend-

ment right to keep and bear arms?"

"You think Agenda 21 is diabolical?  Well, you should

see Catch-22!"

NRA Youth Program Rule #1

"Do not point firearms at anything you 

do not want to shoot."

Epigone of Patrick Henry Sez:  "Give me liberty,

or give me breath!"

What happened in Newtown, Connecticut today

was not a tragedy.  A tragedy is a stage play in 

which the main character is brought to ruin or 

suffers extreme sorrow, especially as a consequence 

of a tragic flaw, moral weakness, or inability 

to cope with unfavorable circumstances.  The

20 schoolchildren who died in a Connecticut

school today did not have tragic flaws, moral 

weaknesses, or the inability to cope with

unfavorable circumstances.  They just

happened to be born to parents in a 

country that has gone completely

gun crazy.

Sign of the Times #34

Fines Doubled for Speeding

in Gun Zones

"There are only two practical solutions to the

problem of mass shootings in America today:

(1) more guns, (2) and another couple of

Second Amendments to the Constitution,

just to be on the safe side."

Sorry, Mr. President, but what this country needs now

is not more prayers and condolences.  What we need 

now is someone with enough courage to face the NRA, 

the gunhuggers,  and the firearms manufacturers, and 

say, "Guns kill people, and I'm going to do everything

in my power to keep what happened in Connecticut 

 today from ever happening again."

Accustomed only to the right jab, Steven Crowder was

caught off guard and KO'ed by the unionist's left hook.

A new poll has revealed that only 39% of the

 American people know Bryan Fischer was

 created out of 100% Organic Bullshit.

There are only 10 more days until Gunmas!

What will prevent school shootings, like the one today

in Connecticut, from being repeated throughout the 

United States over and over and over, ad infinitum?  

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #446

Sean Kenney

"It would not make sense," the President said, "for us 

to see a top priority as going after recreational 

pot users in states that have determined that it's legal."

"We've got bigger fish to fry."

World's Worst Jobs #128

Wall Street Coke Shoveler

Marty Peretz When He Was Young and Grayscale

Godfather Reunited with Godson After 39 Years

Bar Code Inventor Dead at 91

Warm Scuzzies #350

Mike Miles

Tom Bodett Forgets to Leave Light On in Senate 

for Joe Lieberman's Farewell Address

"There are people who say that you couldn’t be presi-

dent because you’re so heavy. What do you say to that?"

"That’s widiculous,  Baba Wawa!"

Since it contains 'brominated vegetable oil', a flame- 

retardant, perhaps Gatorade could be used to fight 

forest fires.

'Smugglers Launch Pot Over Border With Cannon'

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #159

Pat Dollard and Donald Rumsfeld

Sign of the Times #33

Too Big to Fail, Too Rich to Jail

In retirement, Ron Paul will charge $50,000 to speak,

$100,000 to not speak.

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Gets Voice 

Transplant from Rocky the Flying Squirrel

Senator Cheaplaugh Reacts to 55% Disapproval Rating

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #446

Jan Markell

"My Instagram has lost Pinterest in your Twitter."

World's Worst Yobs #273

Lachlan Markay

Were it possible to remove them all, this is 

what Mitt Romney would look like under-

neath all his masks.

“How about manning up here, 

Mr. President?”

Poll Says Santa Is a Democrat, Grinch Is a Republican

According to a recent report, a third of fish in the U. S.

 is being mislabeled, often dangerously.  For example, 

Tilefish should be called Feverfish, because it has

 more mercury in it than a thermometer; Snake 

Mackerel should be called Trotfish, because it 

gives you diarrhea; Silverfish, because its 

actually an insect; and Hagfish, because it's 

a rock-and-roll band from Dallas. 

Alley Oop Sez:  "Harrumph!  Scientists

are now saying the Brontosaurus never

existed.  Next thing you know, they'll

be saying I never existed, either!"

Just Saw Mitt Romney Doing His Liberace

Impression in the Library

"Are you telling me you've never heard of No-Time 

Toulouse, the story of the wild and lawless days of

 the post-Impressionists?"

Breaking News Mashups #5

"Wall Steet Tows Rotting Carcass Out to Sea"

US Drone Kills Al-Qaeda No. 2, Al-Jason Bin Voorhees, 

for the Sixth Time

Clown Hall #3

Rinch Pissypants

Shorter Ross Douthat Sez:  "What the world needs

 now is more copulation that's open to the creation 

of white life."

[Positively gnomic, isn't it?]

Tweets may be nasty and brutish, 

but at least they're short.