World's Worst Yoobs #133

Emily Esfahani Smith

"'High fructose corn syrup'?  Oh,  I've heard

of that!"

"According to the New York Stock Exchange

at 3:01 p.m., you are now worth $2,422.35,

down from $2,423.10 yesterday."

It's possible tomorrow will never come.

"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six 

crazy conspiracy theories before breakfast."

Warm Scuzzies #396

ABC News

"All to Jesus I surrender;

Now I feel the sacred flame.

Oh, the joy of full salvation!

Glory, glory, to His Name!"

"I'm strong to the finich 

Cause I eats me spinach."

Did he want a single-dip or double-dip Hot Beef

Sundae for lunch?  He couldn't make up his mind.

World's Worst Yobs #286

Kevin Williamson

Abu Sakkar Sez:  "I don't bother to win the hearts

 and minds of my Syrian enemies.  I just eat them."

[Uncooked, no less!]

Who Moved Rob Ford's Crack Pipe?

Winners of the International Kamasutra Competition

Held This Year in New York City

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #498

Steve Roberts

"The attorney general will not cast aspersions 

on my asparagus!"

Oscar Pissedoffius

David Beckham Retiring

(But Still Not Shy)

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #25

Jay Nordlinger

What House Republicans Will Be Wearing

 on '37th Obamacare Repeal Vote Day'

"Somebody up there doesn't like me."

It has to be admitted that National Review's Charles

Cooke is a paranoid jibber-jabber, but it also has

to be admitted that he expresses his irrationality

with such a charming British accent.

Warm Scuzzies #395

Richard Sheridan

Mayoral Candidate Gets Only 56 Votes,

But One Was From Jesus

"Look, we're never going to solve the world's problems so 

long as we sit around calling each other, 'Big Nose'."

As it turned out, Bigfoot was more than a legend.

"Compared to this sunflower, I'm big.  But

compared to the Sun, I'm little.  So, am I

'Big Bird' or 'Little Bird'?  

Autographed Copy of Holy Bible to Be Auctioned

at Christie's

The Only Beer Bill and Hillary Ever Drink

Alex Jones doesn't weep often, but when he does, it is

because all of his conspiracy theories get mixed up in his

head and he can't tell the difference between all the

plotters jerking his chain:  Barack Obama, Hillary 

Clinton, the IRS, the DOJ, the UN, the Anti-Christ. 

and Satan.

For some unknown reason, the Glass Frog's favorite

color is red.

A Good Reason to Avoid the Gate of Hell

Friedrich Von Hayek Sez:  "When I was a child, I 

dreamed of becoming Elmer Fudd's understudy in

those wonderful Bugs Bunny cartoons.  But that

didn't work out, so I wrote The Road to Serfdom

instead."

Little Known Fact #36

Contrary to popular belief, Spanish Fly is not produced

when Spanish flies copulate.  Uh-uh:  just more Spanish

flies.

If Jodie Marsh ever has a double mastectomy, 

it won't just be radical.  It won't just be 

beyond radical.  It will be back of beyond

radical.

Even a blind fig finds a Newton once in a while.

"Since so many Americans believe Benghazi is a city

in Cuba, Darrell, maybe it's time we played the anti-

Castro card."

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #497

Cardinal Sean O'Malley

Drinking PBR doesn't necessarily mean you're a 

'hipster'.  It may mean that you can only afford

to buy cheap beer.

Darrell Issa Explaining the Difference Between

'An Act of Terror' and 'A Terrorist Attack'

[It's like the difference between an 

'Asshole' and an 'Issahole'.]

Previously Unknown Tillie Olsen Story,

'I Stand Here, Ironing Man!', Published

As it turns out, the IRS was targeting pretty much 

EVERYBODY.  So, move over, Teabaggers!  We're

 all victims now!

Source of Benghazi Drumbeat Revealed

How lucky we are to have a whole year to grow 

accustomed to the idea of Barbara Walter's 

retirement from television journalism.

19 Injured in New Orleans Motherfucker's Day 

Parade Shooting When Somebody Laid a Finger 

on Somebody Else's Butterfinger

Libertarians dream of the day when government is so 

small it can be drowned in a bathtub. Marxist-Leninists

 dream of the day when government completely withers 

away.  Radicals and utopians they both are, brothers

 and sisters under the skin.

Oxymorons for Our Time #154

Political Redemption

Noun + Verb + '9/11'

Noun + Verb + 'Benghazi'

Senator Paul Keeps Eyes Peeled for

'Anti-American Globalists'

The Racial Hierarchy of Intelligence:  1) Jews, 2) East

 Asians, 3) Non-Jewish Whites, 4) Hispanics, 5) Blacks, 

6) Heritage Foundation, 7) Jim DeMint