Tom Tancredo, Republican Eliminationist, Hires Illegal

Immigrants to Renovate His Commodious McMansion

If Michelle Malkin and Pam Geller were a cocktail,

it would have to be a 'Sloe Comfortable Screw Up

the Wall Mexican Style with a Little Bit of English'.

"Righto, Rolf, there is something perversely satisfying about taking

a beer bath, fully clothed, in the middle of a soccer field!"

"Hows THAT for service, Miss Kumquat!"

Things to Avoid #10

Total Body Charley Horses

Now-Independent Lincoln Chafee Planning

to Re-Use Balloons in Bid for Rhode Island

Governorship in 2010

If we still had Superman around to fight the never ending

battle for truth, justice, and the American way, here's what

Joe Klein would be doing right now.

If you can picture yourself married to Laura Bush,

you have what Enlightenment thinkers called

a 'diseased imagination'.

Mahmoud Abbas Expelled from Middle East

Peace Conference for 'Looking Too Scary'

Outpopulated by Blacks and overrun by Mexicans,

Arkansas Republican State Senator Denny Altes

now realizes he should have spent more time making

babies with his wife and less time sending email to the

former mayor of Forth Smith.

Shagadelic, 1967

Shagadelic, Forty Years Later

Factoid of the Hour #3

Did you know that if the 'Eye of God Nebula'

(AKA the Helix Nebula) were to blink this

very minute, it would take 650 years for anybody

on Earth to see it?

"If, as you say, Catherine the Great hasn't been

seen since 1796, wouldn't you agree you're a bit

tardy in filing a missing person report?"

All Hat, No Cattle

"No, no, George, I did not turn Lott's wife into a pillar

of salt. I turned her into Dickie Scrugg's sister-in-law."

Republican Representative Peter Hoekstra believes

Saddam Hussein had Weapons of Mass Destruction,

that we found them, and that our intelligence agencies

are hiding these facts from us. He also believes Joe

Klein is a fine journalist.

Ronny Turiaf Gives Allen Iverson a Wet Willy, Draws Foul

"Look, Ma, NO hands!"

Rudy Giuliani's love nest was carpeted with shag,

i. e., a rug with a thick rough pile.

Tiny Condi

Mr. Hyde Is Dead at 83; Dr. Jekyll Says, "Free at Last!"

"Remember, men, your guns, which you are fondling right now,

are only effective at short range. For longer range targets, you

must use a rifle, like those you see behind me."

"OK, Mitt, here's my final offer: you can have the

nomination if I can have your hair."

If someone asks why you're not a Mormon,

just say two words: "Mitt Romney."

Camp Delta, Guantanamo: Where They Keep

Mitt Romney's Soul When He Isn't Using It

"Isn't it amazing, Carlos, how we get away with

blatant public displays of homoeroticism in the

name of sports?"

If you stare at Republican Representative Adam Putnam

for ten seconds, you will be permanently immunized

against the notion of Intelligent Design. Stare at him

longer than that and you run the risk of irreversible

brain damage.

Watch out! Abby Cadabby is about to put a spell on you!

Baghdad Suicide Car Bomber Kills Twelve, Wounds 30;

Driver Yells "Surge Is Working, Surge Is Working!"

Before Blowing Himself Up

Aerial View of Republican YouTube Debate

Richard Scruggs, Trent Lott's Brother-in-Law,

Indicted for Bribery; Zach Scruggs, His Son,

Indicted for Being Born into Such a Corrupt Family

On Wednesday, Richard Roberts said God told him he would "do

something supernatural for the university," if he stepped down

from the job he has held at Oral Roberts University since 1993.

So Richard resigned.

On Thursday, God kept His promise,
and Richard was 'born again' again.

Cover Photo from Oliver Sacks' Latest Book,

The Woman Who Mistook Her Giraffe for a Hat

Spot the Nonconformist

Just as he dropped his ballot into the box,

the Undecided Voter yelped, "Egads! I've

changed my mind!"

"I'm passing you the baton, Ashfaq,

but I'm keeping the $10 billion

Brother Bush gave me."

Priscilla Painton, a Deputy Managing Editor at Time,

is responsible for giving the imprimatur to Joe Klein's

falsifications. Her boss is Richard Stengel, whose

specialty is the 'inculpable noncorrection'.

Things can get pretty rough in women's

Kama-Sutra Wrestling.

Iraqi Insurgent Auditions for Lead Role in

Attack of the Bride Monster

"Some people believe I'm Rick Stengel, Time's Managing

Editor, but some people don't. As a paragon of journalistic

objectivity, that's all I can say."

Would you buy a used car from somebody who looks

like Joe Klein? Beg pardon, but was that a 'No' or a

'Hell No!'?

"Here's how the system works, Alfredo. Some dumb broad wears

a ridiculous dress, we videotape her, a photographer catches

us in the act, and then Fearguth gets rich blogging about the

whole katzenjammer spectacle."

Bolivian President Inks Seven-Figure

Endorsement Contract with Quiznos®

"Hi, I'm Eva Mendes! Be sure to check out my

new movie, The Mouth That Roared."

Did you see the sign which popped up all over Louisiana

after the Razorbacks whipped the Tigers?

Flag Desecration #8

Sarko the Giant's Wedding Ring to Be Used

as France's First Bitchslapping Arena

Paris Gibson is remembered as the only man

in history to die from terminal dandruff.