A Tip of the Hat to Jack Abramoff for having made

485 contacts with Bush Administration officials

without ever influencing them. That takes talent.

Scour the Earth, and you will not find animals more

indolent than panda cubs.

Paraglider Miscalculates,

Lands Atop Sun

House Majority Leader John Boehner Showing How Long a

Member of Congress Has to Be Before It Passes the 'Mark

Foley Overly-Friendly Test'

Tambourine Man

President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva is known in Brazil

as 'The Godfather of Soul Kisses'.

When you are aboard this vehicle, your speed is measured

in hours per mile.

"Tsk! Tsk! It's a shame Babe fell for that

sales pitch claiming pigs could fly."

Oaxacan People's Popular Assembly Bartender

Mixing Molotov Cocktails for Unhappy Hour

Bob Woodward Launches Sneak Attack

on George Bush

Gary Beacom's prize-winning freestyle routine

is called "Tony Snow Responds to a Question."

Presidential Seal Working On Its Latest Watercolor,

Dysfunctional White House in Plum and Teal

Locusts flew into Cancun,

and local chefs turned them into a gourmet appetizer.

Moral: you can always turn a sow's ear into a silk purse.

When Barney heard the President say, “I will not withdraw from Iraq,

even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me," he

whispered to Flat Stanley, "Don't tell George, but I wouldn't support

him even if he was falling face first into a steaming pile of dogshit!"

Secretary Rice Thoughtfully Contriving Her Next Lie

Retired General Assails Secretary Rumsfeld's

Manhood; Claims It Is a National Disaster

Boris Yeltsin Comes Out of the Walk-In Closet

George and Saddam Roasting in a Rare Medium Well Done

Saltwater Crocodile Does a Tail Stand Upon Hearing

Congress Has Voted to Feed Him the Constitution

Though loath to admit it, scientists genuinely

enjoy tormenting tarantulas.

Governor Riley and President Bush were quite impressed

with the attendant's skill in operating a gas pump.

Since this miniature mosque is made out of 550 lbs.

of chocolate, would it be sacrilegious to eat it?

If so, that might make it doubly irresistible.

"Looks like you need to apply HeadOn directly

to your forehead."

Loosely interpreted, this work of Iranian conceptual

art means, "This is not an atomic bomb."

Fouad Siniora, Prime Minister of Lebanon, denies he

is a secret agent for Paramount Pictures.

Disillusioned Donor to the Republican Party

Trying to Get His Money Back

Bodybuilding is big in Kabul these days. Although the Governor

of California is their favorite role model, Afghani bodybuilders

don't believe you have to be a Republican in order to attract girls

and become a 'love man'.

Close-up of GOP Fundraiser

Measuring just three millimeters square, The Wit and

Wisdom of George Bush is small enough to be shelved

in your holler tooth.

When in Shanghai, be sure to check out U Dirty Dog,

mobile pedicure service.

Researchers Claim to Have Seen Photograph of

Artist's Rendition of Ivory-Billed Woodpecker

Raul Gonzalez is not worried by press criticism

of his extraordinary appendages.

"And the time you shot the alligator and said,

'You're luggage!' That really blissed me out!"

"No, Mr. President, it wouldn't have helped if you had said

the Iraq war will be viewed as just a semicolon."

Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns is able to

put less truth into more words than anyone else

born in 1956.

Blogomachy

In the hands of an assassin, the tennis racquet is

a lethal weapon.

Man Kissing His Own Ass

While vigorously denying he had threatened

to bomb Pakistan back to the Stone Age,

Richard Armitage got so agitated he

shoved his left index finger up his nose

and into his brain.

Masato Naito is the world's premier

Hurdle Crawler.

Sales are brisk for the new retrospective CD,

I Remember Osama.

Does she ... or doesn't she? Hair color so natural only

Cherie Blair's hairdresser knows for sure.

Tension mounts as Hugo and George struggle to

decide who will be King of the Stag Beetles.

When he saw Bill Clinton whup up on

Chris Wallace in the Fox News interview,

Andre Agassi wept openly at the sight of

such carnage.

Fernando and Rafael always make the

most out of Hump Day.

When he has 259 drinking straws in his mouth,

Marco Hart really sucks.

In golf, this is known as the Ten-Finger

Wanker Grip.

Lucy, 3 million BCE

Lucy, 2006 CE