The Day Froggy the Gremlin Got Canned

"Hey, the last cartilaginous fish to show up at the

Rice-Bean Vegan Cookoff is a rotten egg!"

"Well I'll be!" the President mused. "When the Stars Fell on
Alabama, one of them must have landed on Senator
Sessions' head."

"If I may tell the truth for the first time in my life, Mr.

President, I'll never forgive you for calling me 'Turd Blossom'."

"See, I told you so! When you put these glasses on, you can 
see the Big Rock Candy Mountain in Iraq the same way 
President Bush does."

"Yoohoo! Did one of you shitasses drop a baby wipe?"

No, you're not hallucinating. This is Phyllis Schlafly's sunroom,

where she dreams her dreamy dreams about Barry Goldwater,

'A Choice Not an Echo'.

Tawny Kitaen, Androgyne

Everyone agreed Hanifa had nice melons.

Things to Avoid #5

Spoon-Feeding a Cobra

She knew things weren't going well when the audience

started chanting, "Put it on, Britney, put it on!"

"It's disgraceful, it's got to be retracted and condemned

by the Democrats, and MoveOn.org ought to be thrown

out of this country, my friends. That's 3.3 million

Americans we can do without."

Hannibal Lecter Takes a Wife

Once upon a time, Tony Blair imagined he was

Dudley Moore. Here we see him waiting for Bo

Derek to fuck his brains out. That wouldn't take

long, she learned.

If you look closely, you can see what President Bush saw last

night in his speech to the American people: "the 36 nations

who have troops on the ground in Iraq and the many others

who are helping that young democracy."

No photograph can do full justice to Bradley 
A. Blakeman, the President and CEO of 
Freedom's Watch. So this lobby card from the
 most recent horror flick he starred in will have
 to do.

Michelle Malkin Scaring Muslims Off Her Property

"Well, Karl, at the moment the biggest name in search

of a brain is Britney Spears. Interested?"

Camouflaged American Soldier Unseen by Baghdad Citizen

"Hey guys! These anti-gravity shoes really work!"

When the reporter asked, "If you were to pull out

of Iraq, wouldn't that be like coitus interruptus?,"

the President knew his Latin teacher at Phillips

Academy had come back to haunt him.

Although a master of fakery, Alexis Debat concedes he

has never topped Colin Powell's performance at the

United Nations on February 6, 2003.

Alexis Debat, who holds a faux PhD from the

Sorbonne and who conducted faux interviews

for Politique Internationale, was a consultant

for faux ABC News and a senior fellow at the faux

Nixon Center.

The Editors of National Review treat our troops like dogs.

Aerial View of Sarko the Giant

You know the fellow on the left. The fellow on the right

was defeated by Hulk Hogan in Wrestlemania III.

Russia has developed a new 'vacuum bomb' that
reportedly sucks harder than the Oreck XL Ultra.

He's been a director for so long the only way Woody Allen

can see the world is by framing it.

Doctor Zarkov Builds World's Largest Rocketship

Crowd Surfing at the Tomb of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov

Pope Benedict and His Guardian Angels

It's official: Alberto Gonzales has changed his name

to Alberto Gonezales.

House Minority Leader John Boehner says 3,780 dead American

soldiers is a 'small price' to pay to keep his tanning salon safe

from attack by Al-Qaeda.

Square in the middle of his parallel bars routine,

Alexander Artemev suddenly realized someone

had stolen both of his legs.

Mr. USA had finally gotten his fill of the

Petraeus and Crocker Show.

Ryan Crocker, U. S. Ambassador to Iraq, doesn't spend

much time outdoors in sunny Baghdad, where the

temperature climbs to 130 degrees in the summer. Instead,

he spends most of his time keeping cool in the Paleface Zone.

He had the right to keep and bear arms.

He didn't need a permit to carry.

He didn't have to conceal his weapon.

He had plenty of ammo.

But he still wasn't happy.

This Afghani child can't decide whether she should be an

optimist or a pessimist. Can you help her decide?

Large Meteorite Collides with Earth, Wipes

Out All Dinosaurs Except Bill O'Reilly

Ménage Atrocity

Observers say Shinzo Abe was forced to resign as prime

minister because his Phil Silvers and Buddy Hackett

impressions were such big bombs they reminded the

Japanese too much of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Ann Coulter's new line of men's fragrances, A Hard Man Is

Good to Find, is a big hit with the drag queens of Cologne.

On Monday, Ann Coulter set a new personal record while

commenting on the Petraeus hearing for Fox News. In less

than 45 seconds, she was able to say the mainstream media

and the Democrats are "completely treasonous," they "hate

the troops," they "think the troops are a bunch of illiterate,

toothless rapists," and "they are rooting for al Qaeda."

Afterwards, Ms. Coulter said that with more practice,

she could shave at least 15 seconds off her new record.

If most flowers are bisexual,

what does that make bees?

New research suggests bears ride motorcycles

as an indirect form of male-male competition.

"Think of it this way, Senators. What if ten American soldiers

had died in Iraq while I've been testifying here in Washington?

Well, ten didn't; only six did. I think you'd have to agree that's

real, measurable progress."

"No, Congressman, Ambassador Crocker isn't grieving over

3,774 American soldiers killed in Iraq. He is just trying to

get over the fact that Halliburton's stock is still 35 percent

below its high of $54.69 on Sept. 6, 2000, just weeks after

Dick Cheney left his post as CEO to campaign to become the

nation's Vice President."

David Letterman had said, "Being rich and famous is a dirty job,

but somebody has to do it." And Oprah had responded, "So why

not us?" That's when they took another hit of laughter, which

is reputed to be the best medicine.

World's Worst Jobs #54

Indian Corn Dryer

“The despicable attack MoveOn.org launched against Saint

Petraeus today should be condemned by all Members of
 Congress, including the Democratic leadership. I urge 
Members on both sides of the aisle to join in support of 
this resolution so the House speaks with one voice 
rejecting the truth-telling tactics employed by this group 
which represents what a majority of the American people 
believe.”