Realizing that most Americans were tired of his Arthur Branch face,

Fred Thompson underwent an extreme makeover and ran for the

Republican presidential nomination as

Spanky McFarland.

Jacob Weisberg, Editor of Slate, Looking Repentant for

Supporting the Invasion of Iraq

Jacob Weisberg, Editor of Slate, Not Looking Repentant for

Supporting the Invasion of Iraq

Jacob Weisberg's Cat Looking Both Ways

Phony Rush

Real Rush

After repeated waterboardings by the CIA, Boston's David Ortiz

confessed yesterday that he was a fan of the Los Angeles Angels

and that he only hits home runs to show his solidarity with

Al Qaeda.

"Yeah, Dittoheads tried for years to get his mug on

Mt. Rushmore. But they failed and had to eventually

settle for naming this mud volcano, Mt. Limbaugh."

Fred Thompson hasn't changed all that much

since he made his first picture in 1932.

American Empire #15

Preventive War

The Daughter of Magritte by Maria Sharapova

Roger Cohen Agonizing

Pamela Anderson Doesn't Marry Borat for the Third Time

World's Worst Yobs #24

Dan Riehl

"Well, even if these guys were terrorists, they'd be

welcome to follow me home anyday."

World's Worst Yoobs #7

Tammy Bruce

Senator Larry Craig Inducted Into Idaho Stall of Fame

World's Worst Yobs #23

Charles Johnson

Where's Fearguth? If you can spot him in this group portrait

of the August meeting of the Dallas County Lepidopterist

Society, you have better eyesight than most butterflies do.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice doesn't look down at

her inferiors. No, she only looks up to her superiors, like

President Bush and

Man Suffering From Patriotic Pigmentosis

Optimists say Jean Claude Gaudin's head is half full.

Pessimists say it is half empty.

What would you say?

Together, John and Joe concocted many fairy tales.

They weren't called the Brothers Grim for nothing.

Wildlife Tip #4
Where Butterflies Go When They Migrate

Kinney Shoes Right Before the Company Folded

Black Prince

White Prince

Iran Begins Deployment of Its Ballistic Missile Shield

Live from Caesar's Palace, it's Bobby Flay's

Throwdown! This week, Bobby challenges

Masahara Morimoto to see who can build the

world's biggest green salad from a can of potted

meat, a loaf of day-old bread, and a lock of Alton

Brown's hair.

Headless Gymnast Surprise Winner of

USA Jump Rope Competition

Why There Are Atheists

Say what you will about Ann Coulter's brain. But there

is only one word that accurately describes the design

of her body, and that word is: 'unintelligent'.

"On this, Ann Coulter and I agree: women are so stupid

they shouldn't be allowed to vote."

"Mr. Hannity, a prominent blogger for Pajamas Media says you

and your ilk are 'a bunch of bedwetting, loudmouth, corrupt,

hypocritical, and incompetent boobs with a mean streak a mile

long and no sense of fair play or proportion.' Would you care

to comment on that?"

“Why do we wear flag pins on our lapels?" Sean Hannity asks.

"Because our country is under attack!”

So, where's his?

"Oh yes, I'm the Great Reneger

Just laughing and gay like a clown."

"Yes, I am a Dog of War. But, quite frankly,

I would prefer to stay on my leash."

GOP Denies RNC Logo Modelled On

Idaho Senator Larry 'Wide Stance' Craig

Ismail Haniyeh Doing His Playboy Rabbit Shadow Show

Here's how Grover Norquist posed shortly before he drowned

in the bathtub along with his dream of small government during

the Bush Administration.

Museum Patron Admiring Artwork Entitled,

'Bush, Congress Hit New Lows in AP Poll'

Air Guitarist Stryker Strecker

Air Press Secretary Dana Perino

NBRA Annual Convention to Be Held in Alan Keyes' Kitchen

Pallbearers Carrying Casket of Marine to Be

Buried in the Tomb of the Invisible Soldier

As far as she could see, everything was coming up daisies.

"Beg pardon, Helen. We don't torture people.

We just torture truth."

Dipstick

Dipshit

Jeri Kehn and Her Trophy Husband

Burma's Military Junta Cites Legal Opinions of

Alberto Gonzales to Justify Crackdown on Protesters

"I hear there are all kinds of nuts in Iran, Mr. President.

So just give the order, and I'll be the first to crack'em!"

"Maybe someday," Spider-Man thought, "I won't have to

wear this ridiculous costume and hyphenate my name.

One can only hope."

Senator Pete Domenici Announces Retirement,

Agrees to Become New Mexico's 11th National Monument

As an oldtimer of a previous generation would have said

had he seen this picture of Gordon Brown picking his

nose, "That slicker musta got aholt of a sheep's leg!"

"Oh yes, arguments have been advanced for millennia attempting

to persuade us to get up off our butts and do something useful.

But the counterarguments in favor of sitting around all day and

shooting the shit have always been much more persuasive."

A Mud Fence

Uglier Than a Mud Fence

If Ann Coulter Were a Cat

If Rush Limbaugh Were a Dog

Despite strong objections from the native rodents,

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is calling for

the exile of Rush Limbaugh to Rat Island.

Blackwater Valet Services says,

"Come Park with Us!"

It was becoming increasingly obvious that modern Mexico's

attempt to build a giant pyramid out of marijuana blocks

reflected a basic misunderstanding of ancient Egypt's

architectural ideas.

Good Spellers Finally Get Justice; Knicks Coach

Nicked for $11.6 Million for Misspelling Isaiah

The day finally arrived when parity was reached between citizens

and soldiers: for every citizen, there was a soldier, and vice versa.

They called it 'World Peace'.

American Empire #14

The Greatest Force for Good in History

The sequel to The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976) was

The Man Who Said It Wasn't His Fault (2007).

"Wow!," he thought, "if I feel this meaningless at 37,

I can't imagine what I'll feel like when I hit 40."

Le Petit Prince

Debra Cagan, Deputy Assistant Secretary for Subterranean

Affairs to Defense Secretary Robert Gates, shocked the British

recently when she said, "I hate all Muranians."

Guess who is 'Outside Counsel' for Blackwater?

That's right: Ken Starr. It took a while, but

Whitewater is now a tributary of Blackwater.

"Tell me, Ted. When did you get it in your head that

Jesus was a Negro?"

"I only look brown. Underneath, I'm whiter than

Wonder Bread, and the only Mexican words I know

are Frito Bandito."

The Butterfly Effect

The Ann Coulter Effect

And if Ann Coulter had any brains, she wouldn't

identify with any political party.

You can't be too young to start learning

how to bend over backwards.

At the Zoo with Victor Vasarely

Eastern Newt

Southern Newt

Blintzkrieg

American Empire #13

Clandestine Operations

Prince Charles, the White Man's Burden

For years, Pricasso has been painting portraits with his penis.

How he has kept it up for so long is a closely-guarded secret.

Ultra-Orthodox Jew Hypnotizing a Citron

Next year, the Republican Party will hold its national

convention in a big white tent in Whiteface, Texas.

"My house ... is filled with this crap

Shows up in bubble wrap

Most every day

What I bought on eBay."

There are two things wrong with this logo. First, nobody

is watching Internet videos these days by means of a

'tube' (except, perhaps, Senator Ted Stevens). Second,

it's very unlikely you are on the 'tube'.

"News, news! I gotta have more news!"

Bao Xi Shun, on the left, represents the number of American casualties

in the Vietnam War. Ping Ping, on the right, represents the number

of American casualties in the Iraq War. As you can see, Ping Ping has

a lot of catching up to do.

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?"

Candlelight Vigil on the Impossible Planet

Cyclops Keeping Its Eye Peeled

Religious Martyr, 19th Century

Religious Mortar, 21st Century

Willy Wanker and the Chick Lit Factory

Lawyer Joke

Another Lawyer Joke

"Whenever I hear anything described as a heartless assault on

our children, I tend to think it's a good idea. I'm happy that the
President's willing to do something bad for the kids."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I will be rooting for Rudy.

Why do you ask?"

Freedom's Watch

Freedom Swatch

Eye of the Beholder

World's Worst Jobs #59

Chinese Pond Scum Remover

Kenji Nagai photographed the real world until he

was 52. Then the real world shot him dead.

Things to Avoid #8

Bullrider Monkeys

Not until the authorities threatened to cut off his Internet

access did the fearless monk's resolve begin to weaken.

Holy Moses, how much he wanted to speak! But he had

taken the Vow of Silence, and he knew God was listening.

You'll notice that none of the power elite

in Myanmar appears in public wearing a

Dumpstaphunk t-shirt.

"Hell no, I ain't happy, you dumb bitch!"

"'Will Work for Threads', eh?"

Newt Gingrich Declines to Run for President in 2008;

Says He Hasn't Had Enough Wives to Beat Giuliani

It got to the point that his teammates just ignored

him when he flew off the handle.

Howard Krongard knows that in Iraq the dress code

is Armored Casual and you always BYOB (Bring Your

Own Bomb).

World's Worst Jobs #58

Filipino Potato Culler

Uncle Thomas

When Howard Krongard, the State Department's

Inspector General, tells his staff to keep their

mouths shut about Blackwater, he is always

accompanied by a couple of enforcers.

American Empire #12

Regime Change

Navy to Spend $600,000 to Change Shape of San Diego

Barracks Building from Swastika to Iron Cross

World's Worst Jobs #57

Mumbai Flag Peddler

After Bill O'Reilly was videotaped robbing a bank,

he claimed he was photographed out of context.

If this is the first time you've looked a gift horse

in the mouth, it can be a pretty scary experience.

Jason Voorhees, Key leader of Al-Qaida in Iraq,

Killed for 13th Time, U.S. General Says

"It has been reported, Mayor Giuliani, that after He said

of your adulteries, 'Let Him who is without sin cast the

first stone', Jesus stooped down, picked up a large

stone, and cast it directly at your private parts. Can

either you or Judith tell us if it did any damage?"

Albino Ratfish Adopted as New Symbol of the GOP

The young man had reached his goal in life, but

he didn't know what to do once he got there.

'Real Soldiers' dodge the draft and abuse drugs.

'Phony Soldiers' die in Iraq.

Butterfly Imagining What God Looks Like

What God Looks Like

My GOP? Not if you're

1) African-American,

2) Mexican-American,

3) gay, or

4) poor.

"Hey, Nadia! Don't be such a big baby!"

Brats in Beer

Not Whitewater

Not Grey Water

Blackwater

Angel Moroni to Make Special Guest Appearance at

Annual Meeting of Council for National Policy

Vice President to Speak to Super-Secret, Conservative
Council for National Policy at Secure Undisclosed Location

As the President spoke, Hamid Karzai couldn't help but

marvel at the waste of oxygen.

New York Daily News Fills Vacuum Created

by Demise of Weekly World News

The brouhaha over 'General Betray Us' has revealed,

once again, the power uniforms have over our superstitious

minds. Whether it is the stars and fruit salad on a general's

jacket, the clerical collar of a divine, or the white coat of a physician,

we respond to these costumes with something akin to religious awe.

One cannot imagine the Supreme Being naked. One can only imagine

Him wearing some sort of uniform.

Senate Votes to Change Name of Group

from MoveOn.org to ShoveOff.org

Sarko the Giant Leaves Them Rolling in the Aisles at the UN

President Threatens to Veto House Bill Regulating

'Popcorn Lung Disease', Says He Supports Voluntary

Restrictions on 'Bronchiolitis Obliterans' Instead

Children's Crusade 13th Century

Children's Crusade 21st Century

"Defense Secretary Robert Gates asked Congress Wednesday to

approve nearly $190 billion for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan

in 2008, increasing initial projections by more than a third."

Profiles in Militarism

American Empire #11

Hubris

Next Generation Getting Acclimated to Being

Submerged in National Debt

O'Reilly the Ostrich screamed at the top of his lungs for a very long

period of time, stuck his head in the sand, and then laid an egg.

Did you know it is against the law to trap a soccer player

without a license? If he has one, it's OK.

Do you know the correct technique for kissing a sturgeon?

If not, Vladimir Putin shows you how.

Humveep

“Motherhood," says Michelle Malkin, "should bring a ferocity,
and dare I say, make us more violent.” Judged by this standard,
Michelle's mother must be proud of how her daughter turned out.

American Empire #10

Shock and Awe

"The band was excellent, but they were dressed in tuxedoes,

and this is what black America doesn’t know, particularly people

who don’t have a lot of interaction with white Americans. They

think that the culture is dominated by Marilyn Manson, Buckethead,

and Rob Zombie."

"Yes, I know. There are only 482 days left in our presidency, Dick.

Gosh! So many nations to invade, so little time!"

Who needs an assault weapon besides an assaulter?

Big Day at the UN

American President Sets New World Record

for Offending the Greatest Number of Nations

with the Fewest Number of Syllables

Have you ever wondered why Joe Lieberman's face looks

like it has been stamped on by somebody wearing a pair

of Dr. Martens Steel Toe Boots? Well, it's because it

has been, and the Senator says he likes it, because "it's the

look of the future. Like Orwell once said, 'If you want a

picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping

on a human face--forever'."

American Empire #9

Collateral Damage

"Righto, Zack! More hockey players lose their teeth

from gingivitis than from slipping on the ice."

Lily White Rides Dark Horse in Race

for GOP Presidential Nomination

Rudy Puts On His Best Face for the NRA

"The hegemon will change. The hegemon will do

more negotiating. But the hegemon will live." -- David Brooks

Hegemony Cricket

"I think Jesus Christ and Hitler had a lot in common,

and that was they could both look you in the eye and say,

'I`ve got an answer for you, follow me'.” -- Glenn Beck

Jesus Christ Looking You in the Eye

Adolf Hitler Looking You in the Eye

Glenn Beck Looking You in the Eye

Giuliani Campaign Distances Itself From Supporter's

$9.11-Themed House Party, Says Decimal Point Was Misplaced

American Empire #8

Coalition of the Willing

Bush to Urge U.N. to Spread Freedom; Secretary-General

to Say U. S. at Top of His List

Giving birth to a rhinoceros is harder than it looks.

Draft Gore? Draft Gingrich? Are you kidding?

It's Oktoberfest. It's time to draft beer!

Benito Mussolini in Black and White

Benito Mussolini in Color

“In Iran we don’t have homosexuality like you have in America.

In Iran we don’t have this phenomenon. I don't know who has told

you that we have it. Believe me, those in your nation who fear or

hate homosexuals could really relax and kick back in my country."

American Empire #7

Globalization

Opie couldn't imagine that he would get old someday and become

the Director of National Intelligence.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Undergoing World's First In-Game

Sex-Change Operation

Off the rugby field, Ali Williams wears a white jacket

with very long sleeves.

The engineers were captivated by the biomechanics

of her callipygian rondure.

Never kiss a horse on the mouth before

it gives you its presents.

Antelope-Horns Flowers Viewed From a Distance

An Antelope-Horns Flower Viewed Up Close

American Empire #6

Inflammatory Rhetoric

Festival-Goers Admiring a Sculpture Entitled

'What Happens When Two Semis Stop on a Dime'

If God could see the face of the world,

he would see a child crying in the Congo.

Heads of State Relaxing at the Beach

Dubai Erects Viagra Tower, the World's Tallest Phallic Symbol

There used to be an Eightfold Path to Enlightenment.

Now it's a Ninefold Path, because you have to pass a

standardized test at the end.

No matter how often and how loudly he shouted, "Shazam!"

Bhili Bhatson still didn't turn into Captain Marvel.

'Inhumane execution' is a redundancy.

'Humane execution' is an oxymoron.

But both help us to sleep at night.

"Hey, Josh! Your shoes are untied, your

fly is unzipped, and somebody is sneaking

up on you from behind!"

These guys obviously don't understand the

importance of energy conservation.

Burning flags, like sticking pins in voodoo dolls, is an indication

that magical thinking is alive and well in the 21st century.

Ark Built by Man Named Noah with the Aid of

$100,000 Earmarked by Louisiana Senator

Thinking-Man's Chocolates

Chocolate Buddha

Chocolate Jesus

Chocolate Voltaire

Willi Chevalier, Hirsutomane

Things to Avoid #7

Cosmetic Hirudotherapy