Saturday, September 15, 2007

The Day Froggy the Gremlin Got Canned
"Hey, the last cartilaginous fish to show up at the
Rice-Bean Vegan Cookoff is a rotten egg!"
"Well I'll be!" the President mused. "When the Stars Fell on
Alabama,
one of them must have landed on Senator
Sessions' head."
"If I may tell the truth for the first time in my life, Mr.
President, I'll never forgive you for calling me 'Turd Blossom'."
"See, I told you so! When you put these glasses on, you can 
see the Big Rock Candy Mountain in Iraq the same way 
President Bush does."
"Yoohoo! Did one of you shitasses drop a baby wipe?"
No, you're not hallucinating. This is Phyllis Schlafly's sunroom,
where she dreams her dreamy dreams about Barry Goldwater,
'A Choice Not an Echo'.
Tawny Kitaen, Androgyne

Everyone agreed Hanifa had nice melons.

Things to Avoid #5
Spoon-Feeding a Cobra
She knew things weren't going well when the audience
started chanting, "Put it on, Britney, put it on!"
"It's disgraceful, it's got to be retracted and condemned
by the Democrats, and MoveOn.org ought to be thrown
out of this country, my friends. That's 3.3 million
Americans we can do without."
Hannibal Lecter Takes a Wife

Friday, September 14, 2007

Once upon a time, Tony Blair imagined he was
Dudley Moore. Here we see him waiting for Bo
Derek to fuck his brains out. That wouldn't take
long, she learned.
If you look closely, you can see what President Bush saw last
night in his speech to the American people: "the 36 nations
who have troops on the ground in Iraq and the many others
who are helping that young democracy."
No photograph can do full justice to Bradley A. Blakeman, the President
and CEO of Freedom's Watch. So this lobby card from the most recent
horror flick he starred in will have to do.
Michelle Malkin Scaring Muslims Off Her Property
"Well, Karl, at the moment the biggest name in search
of a brain is Britney Spears. Interested?"
Camouflaged American Soldier Unseen by Baghdad Citizen
"Hey guys! These anti-gravity shoes really work!"
When the reporter asked, "If you were to pull out
of Iraq, wouldn't that be like coitus interruptus?,"
the President knew his Latin teacher at Phillips
Academy had come back to haunt him.
Although a master of fakery, Alexis Debat concedes he
has never topped Colin Powell's performance at the
United Nations on February 6, 2003.
Alexis Debat, who holds a faux PhD from the
Sorbonne and who conducted faux interviews
for Politique Internationale, was a consultant
for faux ABC News and a senior fellow at the faux
Nixon Center.
The Editors of National Review treat our troops like dogs.
Aerial View of Sarko the Giant

You know the fellow on the left. The fellow on the right
was defeated by Hulk Hogan in Wrestlemania III.
Russia has developed a new 'vacuum bomb' that
reportedly sucks harder than the Oreck XL Ultra.
He's been a director for so long the only way Woody Allen
can see the world is by framing it.

Doctor Zarkov Builds World's Largest Rocketship
Crowd Surfing at the Tomb of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov

Pope Benedict and His Guardian Angels

Thursday, September 13, 2007

It's official: Alberto Gonzales has changed his name
to Alberto Gonezales.
House Minority Leader John Boehner says 3,780 dead American
soldiers is a 'small price' to pay to keep his tanning salon safe
from attack by Al-Qaeda.
Square in the middle of his parallel bars routine,
Alexander Artemev suddenly realized someone
had stolen both of his legs.
Mr. USA had finally gotten his fill of the
Petraeus and Crocker Show.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Ryan Crocker, U. S. Ambassador to Iraq, doesn't spend
much time outdoors in sunny Baghdad, where the
temperature climbs to 130 degrees in the summer. Instead,
he spends most of his time keeping cool in the Paleface Zone.
He had the right to keep and bear arms.
He didn't need a permit to carry.
He didn't have to conceal his weapon.
He had plenty of ammo.
But he still wasn't happy.
This Afghani child can't decide whether she should be an
optimist or a pessimist. Can you help her decide?
Large Meteorite Collides with Earth, Wipes
Out All Dinosaurs Except Bill O'Reilly
Ménage Atrocity
Observers say Shinzo Abe was forced to resign as prime
minister because his Phil Silvers and Buddy Hackett
impressions were such big bombs they reminded the
Japanese too much of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Ann Coulter's new line of men's fragrances, A Hard Man Is
Good to Find, is a big hit with the drag queens of Cologne.
On Monday, Ann Coulter set a new personal record while
commenting on the Petraeus hearing for Fox News. In less
than 45 seconds, she was able to say the mainstream media
and the Democrats are "completely treasonous," they "hate
the troops," they "think the troops are a bunch of illiterate,
toothless rapists," and "they are rooting for al Qaeda."
Afterwards, Ms. Coulter said that with more practice,
she could shave at least 15 seconds off her new record.

If most flowers are bisexual,
what does that make bees?
New research suggests bears ride motorcycles
as an indirect form of male-male competition.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

"Think of it this way, Senators. What if ten American soldiers
had died in Iraq while I've been testifying here in Washington?
Well, ten didn't; only six did. I think you'd have to agree that's
real, measurable progress."
"No, Congressman, Ambassador Crocker isn't grieving over
3,774 American soldiers killed in Iraq. He is just trying to
get over the fact that Halliburton's stock is still 35 percent
below its high of $54.69 on Sept. 6, 2000, just weeks after
Dick Cheney left his post as CEO to campaign to become the
nation's Vice President."
David Letterman had said, "Being rich and famous is a dirty job,
but somebody has to do it." And Oprah had responded, "So why
not us?" That's when they took another hit of laughter, which
is reputed to be the best medicine.
World's Worst Jobs #54
Indian Corn Dryer
The despicable attack MoveOn.org launched against Saint
Petraeus today should be condemned by all Members of Congress,
including the Democratic leadership. I urge Members on both
sides of the aisle to join in support of this resolution so the House
speaks with one voice rejecting the truth-telling tactics
employed by this group which represents what a majority
of the American people believe.”