Vice President Biden to Travel to Africa in June,

Has Nothing Better to Do

"Why are we doing this, Captain?"

"For the same reason that Mockingbirds

prefer to eat insects rather than seeds."

"Thank you, Captain, that warms the

cockles of my heart!"

"Cockles? Did you say 'cockles'?"

In the olden days, they called it 'Sexual Impotence'. In

more modern times, they called it 'Erectile Dysfunction'.

Now that Mick Jagger is almost 67 years old, they call it

'Stones in Exile.'

"Well, yes, as seals go, you could

say that I'm something of a priss."

"A little lower and to the right. Ahh, right

there! I could say 'Not by the hair of my

chinny-chin-chin', couldn't I? But that

would be completely out of context,

wouldn't it?"

"If Pete the Moose showed up in Wasilla, all I'd ask

my family is, 'With or without cheese?'"

"Welcome to Rush Limbaugh's New York City penthouse

bedroom, complete with his famous 'Bottomless-Viagra

Bowl' and a beach-front view of the Dominican

Republic's Coast of Everlasting Poon."

DNA Fingerprinting Confirms Ron Paul as Rand

Paul's Biological Father; LSD Fingerprinting

Confirms Rand Paul as Ron Paul's Spaced-Out Son

In the foreground are CPAC people sitting in what,

speaking in baseball terms, were once called 'the

bleachers'. Today, they are simply called 'the

cheap seats'.

"Let's face it, Stephen. Even our enemies

have forgotten who we are."

“I really appreciate the harp, Lord, but I’m not dead yet,

despite what James Carville is saying.”

Mexican Hairless

Florida Hairless

"Leave Rand alooone!!!"

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #32

Eternal Moonshine of the Clueless Mind

Jerry and Joseph Kane came armed

[this time]

Joseph T. Kane, 16, and his father, Jerry R. Kane,

45, shot and killed two policemen and wounded

two others before they were shot and killed. The

Kanes believed that virtually all existing government

in the United States is illegitimate and sought to

restore an idealized, minimalist government that

has never actually existed. Sound familiar?

Can you tell which is the frog puppet

and which is the Governor of Arizona?

(Warning: this may be a trick question.)

"What dupes these teabaggers be!" he thought.

Flag Desecration #33

Rumored to be the replacement for Dennis Blair as

Director of National Intelligence, James R. Clapper

makes plain why they're called 'spooks'.

Oxymorons for Our Time #36

Texas Board of Education

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #168

Vaughn Ward

David Gregory IS pretty scary.

Just ask Rand Paul.

Rand Paul joins Louis Farrakhan and Prince Bandar of

Saudi Arabia as only the third person in the 62-year

history of Meet the Press to cancel an appearance.

David Frum in His 'Axis of Evil' Period

Have you ever wondered how many people in the

entire world hold David Brooks in high esteem?

"This I promise you
No more aquarium bongs
Oh, my poor Sea-Monkey."

American Schutzstaffel #3

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #167

Brad Goehring

Oxymorons for Our Time #35

Mainstream Libertarianism

Warm Scuzzies #83

Yester Years Pub and Grill, Inc.
West Allis, Wisconsin

Crazy Fruit Doesn't Fall Far from the Wacky Tree

Florida Tea Party Protest Resonates in

Corporate Offices Nationwide

Admiral Dennis Blair to Leave Intelligence Post for Lack of

Intelligence; Also for Having Suspiciously Pointy Head

"Look at my fingers. They are spotless,

not a drop of oil on them!"

Joe McCarthy Becomes Unstuck in Time,

Migrates to 21st Century

As Ruth Frith can tell you, one of the

disadvantages of longevity is that the

same old rightwing idiots you thought

had expired in the 1950s and 1960s

have come back to life in 2010.

Matt Welch, Reason Magazine Editor, Delivers the

Nonverbal Coup de Grâce to Critics of Rand Paul

New Species of 'Pinocchio Frog'

(Longus Nasus Glennbeckii)

Found in Fox News Swamp

In his old age, former President Obama was

often asked why he had never closed Gitmo,

as he had once promised. Tragically, he had

been stricken with Alzheimer's by that time

and could only answer, "Gitmo?

What Gitmo?"

If this portrait of Rand Paul looks familiar,

it's because the artist has had a lifelong

man crush on Dan Quayle.

Like Rand Paul, Lester Maddox was a

Southern-fried Tea Party libertarian.

"Speaking as a private businessman,

Rand Paul is my kinda guy!"

"Compared to Rand Paul, I'm a leftist!"

"I've never used an ATM, so I don't know what

the fees are," says Senator Ben Nelson (D-NE).

"I swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. I

know about the holograms." Yeah, but does

he know that the Internet is a series of tubes?

How many of his Tea Party supporters do you suppose

can afford to pay $6,340 a year to be a member of the

Bowling Green Country Club, where Rand Paul

celebrated his Republican primary victory

on Tuesday?

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #166

Tom Corbett

"I only interlace my fingers when I'm

feeling messianic."

World's Worst Yoobs #72

Alyssa Cordova