The Petroleum Industry Equation

Offshore Drilling = Onshore Spilling

Needless to say, he's still

waiting for his first date.

President Obama Visits Gulf Coast to Watch Helplessly

as the Oil Spill Destroys Everything in Sight

'Gingrich Profiling' is the inclusion of political or ideological

characteristics in determining whether a person is considered

likely to read a particular type of book or to behave in a

predictably teabaggerish manner.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we take you now behind the

scenes of a police headquarters in a great American city,

where under the cold, glaring lights will pass before us

the innocent, the vagrant, the thief, the murderer, and

Muammar Gaddafi. This is The Lineup."

"These boots are made for walking,

and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots

are gonna walk all over you."

"As Pastor Blanchard says, 'The gun is civilization'."

"On your next vacation to Aryanzona, Lou, will you

be taking your Mexican-American wife?"

Governor Perry Prepares to Take His

Favorite Guns Out for a Stroll

"Greedbody, here. Put Blankfein on the

line and make it snappy!"

In a spectacular display of continental drift and

cañon solidarity, the Grand Canyon is migrating

from Arizona to Chihuahua, Mexico, home of

the Barranca del Cobre.

The Incredible Shrinking Fred Hiatt

Oxymorons for Our Time #32

Fair Tax

"You've heard of 'lollygagging', haven't you?

Well, that's what I'm doing right now."

Tomato Satori

Stepford Wife Kisses and Tells

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #49

Kathleen McKinley and Pamela Geller

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #157

Kristinn Taylor

"I'm fairly sure my brain's in here somewhere,

but I'm not positive."

Most people don't know this, but Butthole Surfing

is even more dangerous than BASE Jumping.

When the birds began to drop dead from food

poisoning, the old woman's neighbors realized

how much she hated pigeons.

"I'm sorry, but until the claims adjuster

says it's totaled, our hands are tied."

The shocking truth is that--are you ready

for this?-- Açaí is pronounced 'ah-sigh-ee'.

"Sure, I'm just another wacky Alabamian, but at

least my name isn't 'Fob', like my Dad's."

Pseudo-Pseudonymity Viewed as the Greatest Threat

to American Hegemons Since the Heyday of The Shadow

I Remember Dubya #38

Crawfordites are saying that brush has really

gotten out of hand since Dubya left town.

"No, no, no, Tucker! I said you look dense, not tense!"

"You know that the Venn Diagram was invented

by a member of the Clapham Sect of the Church

of England, don't you?"

"I only smell white."

Brown Man Starts Blubbering When Asked to Show Papers

BP's Mascot, the Roughneck Grebe

Attention All Immigrants
If asked to show your papers, it would
be unwise to present these.

She: "As my couturier, Jacques, which outfit do you

think will show off my body to the best advantage?"

He: "Well, Katie dearest, have you considered a burqa?"

World's Worst Jobs #109

Russian Garbage Gleaner

George W. Bush's reputation is about as ready

to rebound as this deflated basketball.

"'Drill, Baby, Drill!' my ass!"

BP Vows to Clean Up Spill, Baby, Spill!

Sarah Palin Playing Her 'Loud, Grinding Instrument'

New Scientific Discovery Reveals That Bottled

Water Causes Hair Loss, Fuels Muscle Building

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #156

Kenn Blanchard

Rick Perry to Participate in Warrior Dash

This Weekend in Forney

Rightbloggers and Other

Internet Biohazards #43

Rhymes With Right

How You Can Tell Fabrice Tourre Is Lying

TR Bags Bull Elephant While Jogging

Lone Star State

Yellow Star State

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #155

Duncan Hunter

Famous Coyote Taking No Shit From Texas Governor

Iowa Republican Pat Bertroche Proposes

Installing OnStar Systems in All Illegal

Immigrants

Whiteworld #4

None is so blind as John Tanton, a white

supremacist opthamologist.