Even the Republican Party in India was about to go under.

Newspaper Headline, April 30, 1945

"Aides Praise Hitler's Resolve in Trying Times"

Lede

Many staffers believe Hitler's reputation has been

unfairly maligned for a series of calamities that were

out of his control and which he handled well.

Streaker Says Sarah Palin Scares the Pants Off Him

Eagleburger with a Side of Repentance Rings

Lawrence Eagleburger Heads to Fox News After

Being Kneecapped by John McCain

It's November 1, only three days until the election. Has

anybody seen the President or Vice President lately?

After eating a plate full of boiled beans and cabbage,

Rush Limbaugh told his radio audience, "My gut is

starting to talk to me, ladies and gentlemen."

Hans von Spakovsky, 'Voter Fraud' Fraudster

Governor Palin says the media are endangering her

First Amendment rights by criticizing her for negative

campaigning. She apparently doesn't understand that

the First Amendment wasn't added to the Constitution

to protect politicians from the press. It was added to

protect the press from politicians.

"Have you noticed how skinny Barack's arms and legs are, Mr.

President? In my homeland, we pumped blood and iron until

Der Führer Prinzip turned people like me into Teutonic

muscleheads who speak with the most outrageous accent in

the world."

"Have you been paying attention to this Obama guy? From what

I understand, he has the power to cloud voters' minds so that they

can't see negative attacks on him. This guy also says "the Bush of

yesterday bears bitter fruit today." Tell me, Hillary, do you

know what all this means, and should we take him seriously?"

Wonder where you are? You are inside

a neoconservative's wet dream.

Each year, the Gathering of the Neocons Music and Arts

Festival begins with the random bombardment of any

country in the Middle East not Israel.

"Shame on you, Mayor Begich! You know I'm a man of

absolutely no convictions!"

Don't be so hard on Joe McCain. You'd probably

call 911, too, if John McCain were your brother.

Don't tell Linus, but this is why the Great Pumpkin

doesn't appear at Halloween.

Cat Owned by Undecided Voter

Several years ago, Rashid Khalidi thought about changing

his name to something that sounded less foreign and more

American, like 'Joe Wurzelbacher'. But he never got around

to it. Now he wishes he had.

On October 3, Charles Krauthammer wrote: "Obama's got

both a first-class intellect and a first-class temperament.
That will likely be enough to make him president." It then

took him two columns in the Washington Post to explain

why he, a second-class intellect, will nonetheless vote for

John McCain, a third-class intellect.

McCain supporter and former Republican Secretary of State

Lawrence Eagleburger said today that Sarah Palin, in the

role of Vice President, would be able, after a few years, to

represent the United States at state funerals without

totally screwing them up.

John McCain wishes you a Happy Halloween.

It wasn't just a Bear Market. It was an Ugly Bear Market.

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #8

Michael Goldfarb, Please Go Home

Mystery Man Promises to Keep Secret His

5-Day Plan for McCain Victory

McCain Campaign "Disdainful" of Blogging, "Believes That's Not

What Journalism Ought to Be;" Pajamas Media Stock Plummets

Can McCain turn Pennsylvania around?

Joe the Plumber to Embark on New Career as

Karaoke Country Singer and Air Steel Guitarist

Joe the Strummer Endorses McCain, Says He

Prefers 'Same Old Song and Dance'

Senator Stevens Solves Mystery of Where

the Bridge to Nowhere Leads

John Burns has won two Pulitzer Prizes and a Peabody Award

for international reporting. That's good. But when is he going

to win the Hair Club for Men Lifetime Achievement Award

for the most magnificent mane ever sported by a sexagenarian

in the history of the world?

"By my sainted aunt! Looking at the world through these

Drudge Report glasses DOES make me doubt my own sanity!"

Rush Limbaugh says there is only one surefire method

for not succumbing to Barack Obama's attempt to win

the election by means of mass hypnosis.

In a surprise move, Jehovah God, appearing as an

African-American female wearing a Holstein cow

suit, announced today that reality is, beyond a

shadow of doubt, biased against John McCain.

When a reporter asked him why he had changed his

surname from Strangelove to Krauthammer, Charles

said it better reflected his deep desire to strike and

pound on things, especially Arabs.

RJ and Bandit the Biker Dog Riding a Wave of Optimism

While Senator Obama spoke to a large crowd in pouring

rain, Senator McCain cancelled his campaign rally, telling

his sunshine soldiers and summer patriots to stay home

and keep dry.

You could always tell when Sarah Palin was in the vicinity.

Most litters have only one runt. This one had two.

"You still have haven't met my Reserve Price, John.

Keep bidding!"

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Just ask Sarah.

"Jo Mama NoBama! NoBama Jo Mama!"

Don't own a pit bull you can put lipstick on? Not to worry.

From Gardener's Supply Company, you can order a prosthetic

Dog Grin for only $12.95 (plus S&H) which should satisfy all

your Sarah Palin needs.

New research has confirmed what President Bush has

known for some time, namely, the stinkier your farts,

the lower your blood pressure.

On one extreme, some Republicans say that Sarah Palin

is a 'whack-job'. On the other extreme, some Republicans

say she is a 'whackoff-job'. Most likely, the truth lies

somewhere between these two extremes.

After she delivered her Halloween sermonette on the scary

Obama/Pumpkinhead connection, Cindy took up a collection.

Lucy the Bulldog didn't really give a damn where

the money came from. All she knew was that her

wardrobe was way out of date.

"If we pay our taxes, dear, are we not allowing our private

resources to be used for public purposes? Doesn't that make

us 'Redistributionists', 'Wealth Spreaders', or even worse,

'Socialist Collaborators'?"

Answer: "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

World's Worst Yoobs #29

Megyn Kelly

"I'm sorry, Senator McCain, but it won't do any good to reach

to the bottom of the barrel. We've already scraped it clean."