Saturday, November 01, 2008

Even the Republican Party in India was about to go under.
Newspaper Headline, April 30, 1945
"Aides Praise Hitler's Resolve in Trying Times"
Lede
Many staffers believe Hitler's reputation has been
unfairly maligned for a series of calamities that were
out of his control and which he handled well.
Streaker Says Sarah Palin Scares the Pants Off Him
Eagleburger with a Side of Repentance Rings
Lawrence Eagleburger Heads to Fox News After
Being Kneecapped by John McCain
It's November 1, only three days until the election. Has
anybody seen the President or Vice President lately?
After eating a plate full of boiled beans and cabbage,
Rush Limbaugh told his radio audience, "My gut is
starting to talk to me, ladies and gentlemen."
Hans von Spakovsky, 'Voter Fraud' Fraudster
Governor Palin says the media are endangering her
First Amendment rights by criticizing her for negative
campaigning. She apparently doesn't understand that
the First Amendment wasn't added to the Constitution
to protect politicians from the press. It was added to
protect the press from politicians.

Friday, October 31, 2008

"Have you noticed how skinny Barack's arms and legs are, Mr.
President? In my homeland, we pumped blood and iron until
Der F├╝hrer Prinzip turned people like me into Teutonic
muscleheads who speak with the most outrageous accent in
the world."
"Have you been paying attention to this Obama guy? From what
I understand, he has the power to cloud voters' minds so that they
can't see negative attacks on him. This guy also says "the Bush of
yesterday bears bitter fruit today." Tell me, Hillary, do you
know what all this means, and should we take him seriously?"
Wonder where you are? You are inside
a neoconservative's wet dream.
Each year, the Gathering of the Neocons Music and Arts
Festival begins with the random bombardment of any
country in the Middle East not Israel.
"Shame on you, Mayor Begich! You know I'm a man of
absolutely no convictions!"
Don't be so hard on Joe McCain. You'd probably
call 911, too, if John McCain were your brother.
Don't tell Linus, but this is why the Great Pumpkin
doesn't appear at Halloween.
Cat Owned by Undecided Voter
Several years ago, Rashid Khalidi thought about changing
his name to something that sounded less foreign and more
American, like 'Joe Wurzelbacher'. But he never got around
to it. Now he wishes he had.
On October 3, Charles Krauthammer wrote: "Obama's got
both a first-class intellect and a first-class temperament.
That will likely be enough to make him president."
It then
took him two columns in the Washington Post to explain
why he, a second-class intellect, will nonetheless vote for
John McCain, a third-class intellect.
McCain supporter and former Republican Secretary of State
Lawrence Eagleburger said today that Sarah Palin, in the
role of Vice President, would be able, after a few years, to
represent the United States at state funerals without
totally screwing them up.
John McCain wishes you a Happy Halloween.
It wasn't just a Bear Market. It was an Ugly Bear Market.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #8
Michael Goldfarb, Please Go Home
Mystery Man Promises to Keep Secret His
5-Day Plan for McCain Victory
McCain Campaign "Disdainful" of Blogging, "Believes That's Not
What Journalism Ought to Be;" Pajamas Media Stock Plummets
Can McCain turn Pennsylvania around?
Joe the Plumber to Embark on New Career as
Karaoke Country Singer and Air Steel Guitarist
Joe the Strummer Endorses McCain, Says He
Prefers 'Same Old Song and Dance'
Senator Stevens Solves Mystery of Where
the Bridge to Nowhere Leads

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

John Burns has won two Pulitzer Prizes and a Peabody Award
for international reporting. That's good. But when is he going
to win the Hair Club for Men Lifetime Achievement Award
for the most magnificent mane ever sported by a sexagenarian
in the history of the world?
"By my sainted aunt! Looking at the world through these
Drudge Report glasses DOES make me doubt my own sanity!"
Rush Limbaugh says there is only one surefire method
for not succumbing to Barack Obama's attempt to win
the election by means of mass hypnosis.
In a surprise move, Jehovah God, appearing as an
African-American female wearing a Holstein cow
suit, announced today that reality is, beyond a
shadow of doubt, biased against John McCain.
When a reporter asked him why he had changed his
surname from Strangelove to Krauthammer, Charles
said it better reflected his deep desire to strike and
pound on things, especially Arabs.
RJ and Bandit the Biker Dog Riding a Wave of Optimism
While Senator Obama spoke to a large crowd in pouring
rain, Senator McCain cancelled his campaign rally, telling
his sunshine soldiers and summer patriots to stay home
and keep dry.
You could always tell when Sarah Palin was in the vicinity.
Most litters have only one runt. This one had two.
"You still have haven't met my Reserve Price, John.
Keep bidding!"
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Just ask Sarah.
"Jo Mama NoBama! NoBama Jo Mama!"

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Don't own a pit bull you can put lipstick on? Not to worry.
From Gardener's Supply Company, you can order a prosthetic
Dog Grin for only $12.95 (plus S&H) which should satisfy all
your Sarah Palin needs.
New research has confirmed what President Bush has
known for some time, namely, the stinkier your farts,
the lower your blood pressure.
On one extreme, some Republicans say that Sarah Palin
is a 'whack-job'. On the other extreme, some Republicans
say she is a 'whackoff-job'. Most likely, the truth lies
somewhere between these two extremes.
After she delivered her Halloween sermonette on the scary
Obama/Pumpkinhead connection, Cindy took up a collection.
Lucy the Bulldog didn't really give a damn where
the money came from. All she knew was that her
wardrobe was way out of date.
"If we pay our taxes, dear, are we not allowing our private
resources to be used for public purposes? Doesn't that make
us 'Redistributionists', 'Wealth Spreaders', or even worse,
'Socialist Collaborators'?"
Answer: "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"
World's Worst Yoobs #29
Megyn Kelly
"I'm sorry, Senator McCain, but it won't do any good to reach
to the bottom of the barrel. We've already scraped it clean."