"There's no such thing as a free lunch! I'm Lindsey Graham,

and lunch with me costs $250 a plate!"

Did you notice that London's Daily Telegraph ranked

Evan Bayh #10 in its list of the Top 100 Influential

Liberals in the United States, way above Fearguth,

who didn't even make the top 10,000?

Turkey Quarantined After Attempting to

Invade Northern Iraq

Million Pounds of Ground Beef Recalled; "Yes," Says

World's Fattest Man, "I Remember Eating Them All"

Godzilla (1954)

Doddzilla (2008)

It was November 3, it was New Hampshire, and

Mitt Romney had forgotten to remove his

Invisible Man Halloween costume.

Stefan Holm Wins World Spine-Snapping Championship;

Gold Medal to Be Awarded Posthumously

"Less legato, Leopold, more staccato!"

In his Saturday radio address, President Bush 
proposed adding the sport of waterboarding to 
the 2012 Olympic Games in London.

Democratic Senators Dianne Feinstein and 
Charles Schumer said they would have to study 
the President's proposal before

declaring their position on the issue.

What Remained of Truth After Rudy

Giuliani Got Through With It

Lincoln the Railsplitter

Giuliani the Sidesplitter

China First Country to Mass Produce Weddings

with Fully Interchangeable Parts

Saint Hillary of the Granite State

Raushee Warren's famous 'sleeper punch' worked every time.

"No, I'm not playing the Area 51 video game, scumbag!"

Remember Yoda 41? Those were

the good old days, weren't they?

Richard Curtis, a Washington state Republican representative,

has resigned after it was revealed he wore women's lingerie at a

Spokane Valley porn shop and offered to pay a 26-year-old male

gay porn model he met there $1,000 for unprotected sex.

In honor of the occasion of his resignation, a new law, Curtis'

Law, has been formulated, which states, "The more vociferously

a Republican lawmaker condemns homosexuality, the more likely

he has to pay somebody to pave the streets of Sodom."

To take seriously the controversy over whether

Hillary Clinton has played the 'gender card' requires

that you first view the process of choosing the next

President of the United States as nothing more than a

game of cards. Come to think of it, maybe it is.

When he was forty years younger, Robert Plant sang

'Whole Lotta Love'. Now he sings, 'Little Bitta Love

(If I'm Lucky)'.

Soccer Player Gone Wild

Dayana Cadeau says her favorite body part

is her legs. Do you have a favorite body part?

Barking Spider

If you've been wanting to bite a badger, here's how to do it.

Strand of James Watson's DNA Showing Bigotry Gene

The King and Queen of Saudi Anglia

World's Worst Yoobs #8

Rachel Marsden

Shouldn't someone tell Rudy Giuliani that when the

doctors removed his prostate gland, they removed

his truth gland as well?

Nancy Nord, chief of the Consumer Products Safety

Commission, has been around the world in eighty

days, thanks to 'gift travel' paid for by the industries,

such as toy manufacturers, she supposedly regulates.

Perhaps it's time to recall something other than tainted toys.

Presidential Candidates Jockeying for Position

on Issue of Same-Shorts Marriage

Like Tantalus, they tried their best to touch the ball,

but it was always just out of their reach.

"Omigod! You were supposed to bring the

parachute, and I was supposed to bring the

picnic basket!"

"That's not my Mummy!" the infant cried preternaturally.

Spider-Man and the Web of Nonintersecting Lines

Media critics strongly disagree whether Dana Perino is more
like 'boothware' or more like 'vaporware'. There is consensus,

however, that her face masks a Brobdingnagian vacuity

only exceeded by that of her boss.

The Bush Crime Family During

the Beverly Hillbillies Era

"Karen Hughes has carried out her work as the President's

Sycophant-in-Chief in spectacular fashion."

The Smoking Chimp

The Smirking Chimp

The Limited Edition Michelle Malkin iPhone has

four functions: mobile phone, music player, web

browser, and roto-rooter.

The Washington Post reports that the government

of the United States will spend over $50 billion in 2007 for

spooks who work for the CIA, DIA, FBI, NSA, and BIR.

Happy Halloween, Everybody!

Did you know Michelle Malkin is left-handed? As such, that

automatically makes her (1) sinister, (2) gauche, (3) maladroit,

(4) awkward, (5) clumsy, (6) a member of a minority, and (7)

a victim of discrimination.

No wonder she has a persecution complex.

Are you in the market for a pre-owned Armored Personnel Carrier?

The Iraqi street price right now is at an all-time low, so if you're

interested, you'd better act pronto.

Where Modern-Day Disciples of John the Baptist

Buy Their Helmets

Tehran, home of the world's largest handmade carpet,

will host this year's Great Vacuum Cleaner Suckoff.

Police Still Failing to Keep Drag Racing Off DC Streets

Sukru Elekdag didn't know how much longer he could

keep balancing Turkey's political leadership on his head.

As a result of his party's defeat in the recent parliamentary

elections, Polish Prime Minister Jaroslaw Kaczynski will be
resigning on November 5. Observers say his fall from power

has really deflated his ego.