"Pardon me, but could you direct me

to the nearest velodrome?"

UFIA²

In the world of Postmodern Advertising, Ron Paul isn't

running for President;  he's just selling Cadbury Dairy

Milk chocolate bars.

"This is the nineteenth debate. It is insane that there

 have been nineteen debates.  I should know

because I've moderated four of them myself!"

Tony Perkins (Gay)

Tony Perkins (Un-Non-Anti-Gay)

Soldier in Afghanistan Captures Black Beast of Arrrggghhh!

"I didn't ask Texas taxpayers to spend $800,000

 on my security detail. All those troopers just

showed up in Iowa, New Hampshire, and

South Carolina."

The Politico Illustrated #19

'Newt Gingrich's secret weapon'

Pennsylvania Middle School Bans Ugh!s

"According to R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr., I, Newton

Leroy Gingrich, am (1) a 1960s generation

narcissist, (2) wayward and deviant, (3) a

self-promoter, (4) a tireless hustler,

(5) ostentatiously brainy, (6) a huckster,

(7) a girl-hopper, and (8) conservatism's

Bill Clinton.  Well, at least I'm not a nerd

like Emmett."

World's Worst Yobs #239

Jeffrey Kuhner

A picture is worth a thousand words, as this image of Rick

 Perry's presidential campaign shows.

Album Cover of Latest Release from

Newt Gingrich Tribute Band

It's What's Now for Breakfast, Republicans!

Magical Depressionism #28

Online Recruitment Firm Monster Worldwide

Lays Off 400 Employees

Lies?  Oh, Newt Gingrich wrote the book on that.

"But if I pull your finger, Jan, it might break

off and crumble into dust."

(h/t Montag)

Sad Sack As a Young Man

Sad Sack As an Old Man

Chris Christie Sez:  "Everything should

taste like bacon."

Gingrich Promises Mooning Colony by 2020

President Obama Pans

 Governor Brewer's Book

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #353

Jeff Fortenberry

"Watching Republicans beat each other to a

bloody pulp may someday be illegal.  So,

let's enjoy it while we can!"

What the Man in the Moon May Look Like in 2020

"Admit it, Barack!  I'm the best mummy, by far,

since Boris Karloff played Imhotep in 1932!"

Like the Theory of Evolution, some chickens found it hard to

accept

the Theory of Liquefaction.

The third worst cartel in  the world is the NCAA. 

The first is OPEC and the second is Los Zetas.

The Gospel Truth Illustrated

'Multiple Realities' is a very scary idea, isn't it? 

'One Reality' is scary enough.

When Up In Smoke was made in 1978, the actors didn't

need to wear gas masks.

In the 2010 Japanese remake, they did.

No, this is not Hell.  It's just where we all go when we die.

This is Hell.

"What's that?"

"That's the husk of Tom DeLay, all that was left after his

lawyers sucked him dry trying to keep him out of jail."

Why is it that balls can never seem to get along?

"Good God, Haley,  I just realized you're the spitting image

of Boss Hogg!"

"Either way, still piss," says the Pessimist.

When you hear the expression, "Sounds like Newt is throwing

more red meat to the knuckledraggers," this is the meat being

thrown.

#1 on the American Dental Association's

Enemies List

This happy chef has just learned what happens

when you put Gumby in the microwave.

The governor had hoped it all had been a bad dream, and

 that when he awoke, he wouldn't be back in Paint Creek,

 working for his dad as an emu-breeder. 

"Lemon tree very pretty and

the lemon flower is sweet

But the fruit of the poor lemon

is impossible to eat."

Governor Daniels Gives Incandescent Response to President

Obama's SOTU Address, Says He Has a Better Idea

Oklahoma Lawmaker Wants to Outlaw Use

of Human Fetuses in Soylent Green™

Newt or Mitt?  Poor Miss Poontney Spadafroont

couldn't make up her mind.

Free!

Take One!

In keeping with the current shortage of ADHD meds, the

 text of President Obama's SOTU address was written at

the 8th grade level this year.