The Flasher Wrasse, a rather expensive saltwater aquarium

fish, says it would get a lot more attention were it not for all

the grandstanding by the Presidential candidates.

Protect America Act to Be Scissored at Midnight;

Terrorists Threaten Unprotected, Full-Frontal Assault

When the people who don't know how to laugh

round up the last clown, the human race will

be over. But there won't be any winners, only losers.

General Motors Loses $38.7 Billion in 2007; Google

Confident Its Search Algorithm Will Be Able to Find It

Journalist Foreshortened by Fist of Fury

Kaho Watanabe, photographers say, is admired

primarily because of her brain, not her fine ass.

Al Wynn's Face Stops Clock, But Not Before His

Time Runs Out in Congress

Daniel Lipinski, a Democratic Representative

from Illinois, believes his opponents don't

like him because of his looks. Could anything

be further from the truth?

"Whuddya mean 'I'm saving myself for marriage'?

Parrots don't get married, you birdbrain!"

U. S. troops are now stationed in 130 countries. Since

there are 194 countries in the world, this means there

are only 64 more to go.

Fearguth's Rules of Order #11

Porcupines have heard most all banana jokes,

so don't waste their time (and yours) telling them.

"Yikes! I sure hope that's your ball and not mine!"

"What are you holding me for for? Do I look like

someone who has stolen surgical bandages?"

Sleepy Angel Unaware of Lurking Demon

If everybody could keep and bear missiles, shooting down

the errant spy satellite would be a piece of cake.

Chuck Rosenthal, Harris County Republican District Attorney,

Resigns, Blames Prescription Drug Interaction for the Racist

and Pornographic Emails Found on His Office Computer

The back of Mark Halperin's head has apologized for saying

John Edwards "thinks Obama is kind of a pussy." The front

of Mark Halperin's head now says, "It meant to say kitty cat."

Florida Representative Adam Putnam, his hair ablaze with

indignation, led his Republican colleagues out of the House

yesterday, saying, "The Democrats are more interested in a

political witch hunt than in keeping America more secure

before they leave Washington for a week." Having thus shot

his political wad, Congressman Putnam, too, left Washington

for a week.

"I've got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle,

As I go riding merrily along.

And they sing, 'Oh, ain't you

glad you're single.'

And that song ain't

so very far from wrong."

At sunrise, Tequila the Chihuahua felt dehydrated.

The elbow is one of the hardest working, yet least

attractive, features of the human body. Scholars of the

human frame tend to rank it just slightly above or below

the unsightly knee.

Let Hertz Put You in the Driver's Seat

"Governor Romney says he made a charitable donation to
the election industry of over $50 million just so he could
endorse me for President.  He is truly a great American
hero, just like me."

Already under indictment, Dusty Foggo, former Executive

Director of the CIA, may face additional charges, including

having a name that makes people snicker.

How Dick Cheney, George Bush, and Karl Rove Would Look

Were They Turned Inside Out

Fur-Bearing Automobiles Placed on Endangered Species List

President Bush has vowed to hold his breath until Congress

grants the telecoms retroactive immunity.

Bolivian Democracy at Work

Rather than continue nickle-and-diming themselves to death,

the GOP members of the House of Representatives resigned

today en masse.

Daniel Vettori is the only cricket star who has

his very own planet.

World's Worst Yoobs #10

Charmaine Yoest

Besides enjoying honey-roasted peanuts, have

you ever thanked a bee for being so busy?

"Butt-Head, did you hear Metallica is gonna play at Bonnaroo!"

"Beavis, will the world's tallest phallic symbol be there, too?"

"One day, that copy of Newsweek is going to be worth a

lot of money on eBay."

"Sweet Jesus! It's ridiculous enough that I'm performing

this stunt at all. But to do it in celebration of the first day

of The Year of the Rat is, well, totally absurd. I hate rats!

I've always hated rats. I hate rats even more than I hate

Colonel Sanders."

World's Worst Jobs #74

Sudanese Mud Brick Maker

Even the Yellow Pit Viper has enough sense to

stop and smell the flowers.

Expect the unexpected during your next stay at the

Red Carpet Inn in beautiful downtown Ft. Lauderdale.

The Decider Awaiting Instructions on

What and How to Decide Next

"I may be only 30% in the polls, but I still know how

to scare the bejeezus out of Senate Democrats."

Undecided Voter Also Has Hard Time Choosing His Poison

The new sport of 'Mirko Flinging' is really catching on.

GOP Ship Sinking Faster Than 28 Republican Rats in

the House of Representatives Can Abandon It

German Police Arrest Terrorist for Wearing Explosive Gut

A man blows a bubble on Bildungblog. Eavesdroppers at the

CIA, FBI, DIA, and NSA don't get the joke, but laugh anyway.

American Empire #20

Full-Spectrum Dominance

World's Biggest Christ Struck by Lightning; Theologians

Reject Suggestion of IntraTrinity Power Struggle

Bushidō Down Under

Ἀταραξία: Freedom from Worry or Any Other Preoccupation