Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Flasher Wrasse, a rather expensive saltwater aquarium
fish, says it would get a lot more attention were it not for all
the grandstanding by the Presidential candidates.
Protect America Act to Be Scissored at Midnight;
Terrorists Threaten Unprotected, Full-Frontal Assault
When the people who don't know how to laugh
round up the last clown, the human race will
be over. But there won't be any winners, only losers.
General Motors Loses $38.7 Billion in 2007; Google
Confident Its Search Algorithm Will Be Able to Find It
Journalist Foreshortened by Fist of Fury
Kaho Watanabe, photographers say, is admired
primarily because of her brain, not her fine ass.
Al Wynn's Face Stops Clock, But Not Before His
Time Runs Out in Congress
Daniel Lipinski, a Democratic Representative
from Illinois, believes his opponents don't
like him because of his looks. Could anything
be further from the truth?
"Whuddya mean 'I'm saving myself for marriage'?
Parrots don't get married, you birdbrain!"
U. S. troops are now stationed in 130 countries. Since
there are 194 countries in the world, this means there
are only 64 more to go.
Fearguth's Rules of Order #11
Porcupines have heard most all banana jokes,
so don't waste their time (and yours) telling them.
"Yikes! I sure hope that's your ball and not mine!"

"What are you holding me for for? Do I look like
someone who has stolen surgical bandages?"
Sleepy Angel Unaware of Lurking Demon

If everybody could keep and bear missiles, shooting down
the errant spy satellite would be a piece of cake.

Chuck Rosenthal, Harris County Republican District Attorney,
Resigns, Blames Prescription Drug Interaction for the Racist
and Pornographic Emails Found on His Office Computer

Friday, February 15, 2008

The back of Mark Halperin's head has apologized for saying
John Edwards "thinks Obama is kind of a pussy." The front
of Mark Halperin's head now says, "It meant to say kitty cat."
Florida Representative Adam Putnam, his hair ablaze with
indignation, led his Republican colleagues out of the House
yesterday, saying, "The Democrats are more interested in a
political witch hunt than in keeping America more secure
before they leave Washington for a week." Having thus shot
his political wad, Congressman Putnam, too, left Washington
for a week.
"I've got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle,
As I go riding merrily along.
And they sing, 'Oh, ain't you
glad you're single.'
And that song ain't
so very far from wrong."
At sunrise, Tequila the Chihuahua felt dehydrated.
The elbow is one of the hardest working, yet least
attractive, features of the human body. Scholars of the
human frame tend to rank it just slightly above or below

the unsightly knee.

Let Hertz Put You in the Driver's Seat

"Governor Romney says he made a charitable donation to
the election industry of over $50 million just so he could
endorse me for President.  He is truly a great American
hero, just like me."
Already under indictment, Dusty Foggo, former Executive
Director of the CIA, may face additional charges, including
having a name that makes people snicker.
How Dick Cheney, George Bush, and Karl Rove Would Look
Were They Turned Inside Out
Fur-Bearing Automobiles Placed on Endangered Species List
President Bush has vowed to hold his breath until Congress
grants the telecoms retroactive immunity.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Bolivian Democracy at Work

Rather than continue nickle-and-diming themselves to death,
the GOP members of the House of Representatives resigned
today en masse.
Daniel Vettori is the only cricket star who has
his very own planet.
World's Worst Yoobs #10
Charmaine Yoest

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Besides enjoying honey-roasted peanuts, have
you ever thanked a bee for being so busy?
"Butthead, did you hear Metallica is gonna play at Bonnaroo!"
"Beavis, will the world's tallest phallic symbol be there, too?"
"One day, that copy of Newsweek is going to be worth a
lot of money on eBay."

"Sweet Jesus! It's ridiculous enough that I'm performing
this stunt at all. But to do it in celebration of the first day
of The Year of the Rat is, well, totally absurd. I hate rats!
I've always hated rats. I hate rats even more than I hate
Colonel Sanders."
World's Worst Jobs #74
Sudanese Mud Brick Maker
Even the Yellow Pit Viper has enough sense to
stop and smell the flowers.
Expect the unexpected during your next stay at the
Red Carpet Inn in beautiful downtown Ft. Lauderdale.
The Decider Awaiting Instructions on
What and How to Decide Next
"I may be only 30% in the polls, but I still know how
to scare the bejeezus out of Senate Democrats."

Undecided Voter Also Has Hard Time Choosing His Poison
The new sport of 'Mirko Flinging' is really catching on.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

GOP Ship Sinking Faster Than 28 Republican Rats in
the House of Representatives Can Abandon It
German Police Arrest Terrorist for Wearing Explosive Gut
A man blows a bubble on Bildungblog. Eavesdroppers at the
CIA, FBI, DIA, and NSA don't get the joke, but laugh anyway.
American Empire #20
Full-Spectrum Dominance
World's Biggest Christ Struck by Lightning; Theologians
Reject Suggestion of IntraTrinity Power Struggle
Bushidō Down Under
Ἀταραξία: Freedom from Worry or Any Other Preoccupation