The Potrzebie Prize #21

Justine Sacco Eulogized for Insulting an Entire

Continent with a Single Tweet

Pajama Boy

Pajamas Media Boy

Zelig had nothing on Phil Robertson.  The Duck

Dynasty star could become Martin Luther King, Jr.,

Pope Francis, 

or Rosa Parks, all in the wag of a duck's tail.

"Gays are full of murder, envy, strife, 

hatred. They are insolent, arrogant, 

God haters, they are heartless, they 

are faithless, they are senseless, they 

are ruthless, they invent ways of 

doing evil."  Thus spake Pope Francis 

of the Bayous.

What Happened When the Word Got Out The Elf on the

Shelf Worked for the NSA

Former Major General Michael J. Carey

 Receives Air Force 'Drunken Boor' 

Conduct Medal

The Do Nothing Congress of 1948

The Doo-Doo Nothing Congress of 2013

Absolut Gay Vodka Identified as 

Efficient Cause of Outbreak of 

Homosexuality in Louisiana

Disciples of AcroYoga Believe Nirvana Launch at Hand

The Day Alan Keyes Disproved He 

Had Hairy Palms

Altering your consciousness by means of psychoactive

 chemicals is generally frowned upon, but if you insist on 

doing so, make sure you suffer enough pain afterwards

 to offset any pleasure you might experience beforewards.

This is not the Tony Perkins who played Norman Bates in 

Psycho.  This is the real-life Tony Perkins on which the 

Norman Bates character in Psycho was based.

Representative Jack Kingston (R-GA) does not believe in

'free lunches' for school children, but he does believe in

(1) free flights to and from his home state and D.C., (2) free

airport parking, (3) free on-site gym access, (4) free health-

insurance subsidies, (5) free death benefits, and (6) free

239 paid days off.  He also believes that poor school children

should sweep floors in exchange for lunch.  It's unclear what

he thinks congressmen should do in exchange for all their

'free lunches', but whiting sepulchres would seem to be

appropriate.

Phil Robertson Sez:  “I never, with my eyes, saw the mis-

treatment of any duckhunter in blackface.  Not once."

Phil Robertson Sez:  "Were blacks happy under

 Jim Crow? They were godly; they were happy; 

no one was singing the blues."

The homosexual community was relieved to learn today

that the men of Duck Dynasty are not gay.

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #37

Malcolm Gladwell

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #533

Cathy McMorris Rodgers

The Next President Won't Save Us---

And James Poulos Won't Either

Bill O'Reilly's Exhibit A in His Amicus Curiae Brief in

Support of Megyn Kelly's 'Santa Is White' Case

"If you have a Concealed Penis Permit, don't forget 

to clean your weapon at least once a week. Particularly 

if you have an inside-the-pants holster, lint from your 

clothing may gather inside your gun, which could 

cause a critical failure in the event that you actually 

need to use your weapon. Don't let that happen." 

"If I have seen farther it is by standing on the shoulders 

of giants."

Flag Desecration #71

'Lawyer Jokes Supply Dives to 36-Year Low'

Steve Stockman Sez:  "Goodbye, Cruel World!"

World's Worst Yobs #296

Lant Pritchett

Fox News Personality to Launch News Organization

Next Year

New, Improved Movie Classic to Be

Shown on Fox Network

Like his friendship with Jonathan Krohn, Bill O'Reilly's

belief that Santa Claus was a white man has been shown

by a recent DNA test to be 100% fictitious.

Cardinal Raymond Burke Loses Job with Spanish Inquisition

David Brooks Sez:  "The tragedy of middle-aged fame is that 

the fullest glare of attention comes just when a person is 

most acutely aware of his own mediocrity." 

[Brooks is 52. This description fits him like a 

glove on a fat lady's fist.]

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #532

Bob Rucho

"Corporal Earl Grey reporting, sir!  Steeping time and water

temperature all set for high tea with Speaker Boehner."

"Pardon me, but could you tell me how to find

the nearest restroom?  I just drank a 44-oz. 

Big Gulp and I gotta pee real bad!"

Air Scuba Divers Dancing to the Music of Air Guitarists

The nurse-anaesthesiologist had hoped to go gently into

that good night.  But it didn't work out that way.

Predator's Mother Contemplating 

the Ideal Vienna Sausage

According to a recent study, staring at boobs extends a man's 

life by five years.  OK, so what if Rush Limbaugh lives five

 years longer than expected?  So do people who sleep properly. 

Bill O'Reilly's cat will be glad when 

Christmas is over and Santa Claus

leaves town.

Infant Removes Pope Francis's Zucchetto,

Reveals Closely-Guarded Vatican Secret

“By the way, Republicans don’t have a problem 

with women.  They have a problem with un-

married women who think, ‘No, we don’t 

need national defense, we need our birth 

control paid for.’  And why? Because 

single women look at the government 

as their husbands.”  

"Should we assume, Ms. Coulter, you're

 not in that category?"

"Yes, I'm an Ugly Duchess and I don't

need birth control."

The Alex Jones Locomobile is coming to town. Are you ready?

Grandpa Walnuts Doing His Popeye Doyle Impression

World's Worst Yobs #295

John Tamny