"Did you know that more than 1,000 professional studies

in the past 30 years all connect TV programming with

excessively violent and promiscuous sexual behavior

in young people? Why, the situation today is almost as bad

as it was when I was fornicating with Ann-Margret in

State Fair back in 1962. Surely you don't want to see a

return of the 1960s, do you? So please fill out Pat Boone's TV

Decency Survey today!"

The Drudge Report is asking, "A Whites-Only Bathroom

in Georgia?" This follows close on the heels of a question from

the Sludge Report, "A Midas-Only Bathroom in Hong Kong?"

Senator Russ Feingold Caught Between a Shteyn 
and a Shver Platz

Polymorphous perversity has finally killed Norman Mailer.

But good godamighty, at least it took 84 years to do it.

2007, the Bloodiest Year So Far in Iraq

2007, the Bloodiest Year So Far in Afghanistan

2007, the Year the Price of Oil Hit an All-Time High

2007, the Year the Price of Blood Hit an All-Time Low

"I don't care how vertically-integrated you are, dorkwad!

You're still vertically-challenged!"

If ever two people were made for each other,

it would be David Horowitz and Pam Geller.

Imagine Islamo-Fascism Awareness Forever.

Carnivore Humor

Leatherface

Rubberface

You lose all sense of time when you get lost

in the Tunnel of Books.

According to the New York Times, Bernie Kerik learned

as a young man how to carry himself with a “quiet,

dignified confidence.” Another name for it is 'perp walk'.

McCain's Mom Rips into Romney, Finds Nothing Inside

"But George, have you forgotten that homeliness

is next to cleanliness and cleanliness is next

to Godliness?"

Got money left over from your latest contribution to the

Rudy Giuliani presidential campaign? Well, here's a worthy

cause that can really use your spare change right now:

the Bernard Kerik Legal Defense Trust.

President Sarkozy and President Boutefilka Meet to

Discuss Algeria's Balance of Noses Deficit with France

The Politico Illustrated #3

"Giuliani camp swings back after Kerik jabs"

Russ Knocke, the Department of Homeland Security press

secretary who investigated the fake FEMA press conference,

has concluded that FEMA officials did not intend to

deceive the public. "We were just reliving our childhood

days when we listened to Let's Pretend on the radio," he said.

Surprisingly, Kim Du Toit, 'an erudite conservative intellectual

gun owner who sometimes gets pissed off', took his fifth-place

finish in the Golden Wingnut Award competition lying down.

He brushed it off as further proof of 'The Pussification of the

Western Male'.

"BlogWorld Expo Throws World's Largest Pajama Party

at The Joint in the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas"

"How interesting! From this point of view,

George Bush's world makes perfect sense."

Karl Rove said yesterday liberal blogs, like DailyKos, use

more bad words than conservative blogs, like Townhall.

That's because liberal blogs quote Karl Rove saying things--

such as “We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him.

We will ruin him. Like no one has ever fucked him!”--that

conservative blogs don't.

Survey Finds Many Turks Looking for Greener Pastures,

But Not Finding Any

Sam Brownback Announces His Endorsement of John

McCain; Not Even Crickets Show Up to Chirp

Rudy Awakening

Senator David Vitter Recognized for Owning the Largest

Used Condom Collection in Louisiana

SSSSHHHHHHH ... Don't Tell Anyone: Al Qaeda Has

Been Routed in Baghdad; FBI Now Warns Al Qaeda May

Have Relocated to Shopping Malls in LA, Chicago, Just

in Time for Christmas

When rightists, Reaganites, and Republicans go to Heaven,

they will undoubtedly be surprised when Jimmy Carter

greets them and welcomes them into his Habitat for the

Hereafter, where everyone will watch Jimmy Carter: Man

From Plains to all eternity.

Hard to believe, but it's true. Jimi Hendrix is

spending eternity in Electric Ladyland.

The Malay boy could tell you were staring at him.

Jackie Bibby Soaks in Bathtub for 45 Minutes with

87 Rattlesnakes; Says "Only a Fool Would Pull

the Same Stunt with a Tub Full of Republicans"

Giant Jack Mounted Atop St. John's Church in Baghdad;

Gigantic Red Rubber Ball to Be Installed Next

Are you looking for a President who will protect you from

terrorists, or a President who will take action to help

prevent polar bears from becoming extinct in the Arctic?

It's time to make up your mind.

"Toy delivers 'date-rape' drug when ingested"

At the urging of President Bush, Pervez Musharraf

took off his uniform. It was not a pretty sight.

The Politico Illustrated #2

"Dems salivate after wins on GOP turf"

Ted Klaudt, former Republican state representative from

South Dakota, has been found guilty on four counts of

second-degree rape. When he is sentenced in January, he

could get up to 25 years in prison for each count. In

anticipation of his sentencing, the state's Department

of Corrections is trying to figure out how to accommodate

a man who is accustomed to living large.

A cow plunged from a 200-foot castle wall onto the hood of a

minivan in central Washington state, according to police.

"Dear Mushie,

Hope you're enjoying the $10 billion in cash I sent.

Your Buddy,

George"

"The many charms about you

Above all I want my arms about you

Come to me

My sweet embraceable you."

The Politico Illustrated #1

"GOP candidates trumpet Christian endorsements"

President Nicolas Sarkozy of France was greeted with

cheers and standing ovations today, a sign that France

was forgiven for being wise in opposing the American-led

war in Iraq.

In exchange for his endorsement, Pat Robertson has been

promised an appointment to a new cabinet-level position,

Grand Inquisitor, in the Giuliani Administration.

Sarko the Giant Replaces Tony Blair

As Bush Toady Par Excellence

"Yes, Mr. President, among my many qualifications to be

head of the Department of Homeland Security is my ability

to foresee the future. For example, if you look really hard, you

can see that I'll be indicted by a federal grand jury on bribery

and tax evasion charges on Friday, November 8, 2007."

"Mr. President, what's it like to be even more unpopular

than Richard Nixon?"

Robertson the Prophet Anointing Rudy the Ruddy with

WD-40 from the Horn of the Thin-Soled Kow Kow

Pie Chart Showing 50% of the American People Strongly

Disapproving of George Bush's Performance As President

Shortly after this photograph was taken, Jose Manuel Barroso,

European Commission President, uttered an ancient Spanish

curse and then burst into a million shards.

In a surprise move, the Creator of Heaven and Earth

today awarded the Golden Wingnut Award to all

descendants of Adam and Eve. "OK, so I fucked up

when I made man and woman in my own image,"

the Creator said. "That's what happens when you

start believing you're God."