Senator McCain to Publish Article Contra Putin in Russian

Tabloid on Same Page as "SOS Signal from UFO Sows Panic 

in Siberia"

"No, I've never met Larry Summers and, hopefully, 

I never will."

When she was younger, Wonder Woman 

could run so fast she could dodge all 

the raindrops in a thunderstorm and 

never get wet.

At age 92, S. Truett Cathy looked back

over his long life and was pleased to realize

what an important role he had played in

 the history of chicken sandwiches.

"I see that Sol Invictus is angry again."

"Oh, yeah, he's been hot ever since Emperor Constantine 

decreed that Sunday was a Day of Rest."

Have you noticed how your security has been threatened by 

Syria's civil war? It's just like the way the security of Eng-

land was threatened during America's Civil War between

1861 and 1865.  It's downright scary, isn't it?

"3D?  What an antiquated concept!"

"King Kong?  Are you kidding?  It's my

Uncle Sam!"

Egghead

Bacon-and-Egghead

"Dayum!  It must be Friday the 13th again!"

The Blobfish had a self-esteem problem as it was, but 

then it was named the Ugliest Animal in the World 

by the British Ugly Animal Preservation Society.

'I Want to Be a Twerker for the Lord'

"I like John Boehner. I do feel sorry for him, 

but, to be honest,  feeling sorry gives me 

great pleasure."

Family Research Council Calls for Boycott of

 Suzy Homemaker for Baking Wedding Cakes 

for Gay Couples

"I'm coming back, Senator Cruz, I'm coming back!"

"Oh, yeah?  Well, my Smartphone has a PhD!"

Kochsuckers United, the GOP's Biggest Money Machine 

You've Never Heard Of

Trying to Boldly Go Where No Amphibian Has Gone Before!

Florida Governor Cancels Giant Rubber Duck Hunt Fundraiser

Warm Scuzzies #428

Elizabeth O'Bagy

"So, who does Captain Picard think he is today?"

"He thinks he's Keith Alexander, director of the 

National Security Agency."

These Mossad agents want you to know how much they

enjoy American phone calls and emails supplied to them

by the NSA.

Howley Monkey

Warm Scuzzies #427

Tallahassee Police Department

Pink Slime Makes Comeback in 

Public School Lunch Programs

White Slime Makes Comeback on CNN

Imperfect Messenger

Imperfect Message

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #31

Patrick Howley

Shellie Zimmerman Relieved to Learn Her Husband Was 

Only Armed with a Gun, Not a Knife

Q:  Where do hypocrites go when they die?

A:  They are buried in whited sepulchres, like this one, 

where President Obama will go someday.

President Obama Persuades Six More Vigilantes

to Join Him in Punishing Syria

Uncle Sam died believing guns made him safer.

One might have thought he was old enough to

know better.

Steve King, Michele Bachmann, and Louie Gohmert held

a press conference in Egypt to thank the military for its 

opposition to the Muslim Brotherhood and for its support

of 'Post-Natal Vaginal Tightening'.

Man Lost in Andes Since May Lived on Rats and 

What He Thought Were Raisins

"General el-Sisi, Louie Gohmert says you're the George

Washington of Egypt.  Do you think he means you have

wooden dentures?"

"Krusty, do you believe in God?"

"Well, maybe and maybe not.  Only God knows."

World's Worst Yoobs #139

Nicole Gelinas

Teen Shot Dead by Good Guy with Gun in 

Prank Gone Wrong

Dallas Cowboys Churrleader

Warm Scuzzies #426

Pine Bluff, Arkansas Police Department

"Sure, I brazenly lie, but it's all for a good cause, namely,

creepy ol' unctuous me."

Little Brother is watching you, too.

World's Worst Yoobs #138

Kemberlee Kaye