Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #84

Charlie Kirk

A Trumpnik Manifesto

"I'm feeling like my end is near."

Trump's Heydrich Sez:  "Four more years, four more years!"

"I'll have the Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay 

sauce, served in a Provençale manner with shallots and 

aubergines, garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a 

fried egg on top and Spam."

[Pairs nicely with Annoying Orange Julius.]

Eric Trump Headed to an 'Ugly Trump

Wearing an Ugly Trump Sweater' Party

Is it a fact there is a penis museum in Iceland? Well,

if Trump says there is, there is; but if Trump says

there isn't, there isn't.

"Did you ever wonder Mandrake, why I only drink 

branch water, rain water? And only pure grain alcohol?"

"Stop calling me a 'snowflake'.  I voted for Trump!"

"What makes you think Kellyanne is a witch?" 

"Well, I looked at her face and it turned me into a Mook!"

Warm Scuzzies #717

Michelle Herren

"There’s no such thing, unfortunately, anymore, as facts.

Oops, sorry, I meant to say 'fortunately'."

World's Worst Yobs #372

Chris Younce

In order to bring coal jobs back, the Trump Administration 

strongly encouraged Americans to buy coal-fired Stanley 

Steamers.

A Tale of Two Headlines

[In October 2009, the unemployment rate

was 10%.]

"Is it true, Mr. Trump, that the reason you wear such 

long red ties is because it makes it easier for you to find 

your tiny little pecker?"

Trump Rally in Cincinnati, 

December 2016

Hitler Rally in Nuremberg, 

September 1937

Although the capacity of the U.S. Bank Arena in Cincinnati

is a bit over 17,000, there were many empty seats last night

when Trump began his 'Thank You' tour.  Hitler, by

contrast---now he really knew how to throw a rally!

Damn That Climate Change Hoax All to Hell!

Does anyone know offhand what brand of Stripper's Pole 

will be installed in the White House?

Trump drained the swamp, rescued this Alligator Snapping 

Turtle, and made it his Secretary of Defense.

General Sherman said, "War is Hell." General James

Mattis said, "War is a hell of a hoot." Guess where 

America is headed.

Trump and his coterie of septuagenarians 

are just reliving their childhood days when 

they listened to Let's Pretend on the radio.

Here's how Trump 'brings back jobs': Indiana taxpayers

must give $7 million in corporate welfare to keep 1,000

jobs from moving to Mexico.

"Somebody will say, 'Oh freedom of speech, freedom of 

speech.' These are foolish people. We have a lot of foolish 

people."

[At last count, there were 65,152,112 'foolish 

people' who voted against Trump.]

Dr. Koop Sez: "Please be advised that constant

stooping to attack Donald Trump can throw

your back out."

The Politico Illustrated #51

'Roger Stone to write Trump campaign book'

Before you burn this flag, you need to remember you

paid $3.15 + 50¢ shipping for it on Amazon.

What Happened to Tony the Tiger After He Was Laid 

Off by Kellogg's Because of the Breitbart Boycott

Trump Thinking about Starting a

Transportation Company to Rival

Uber

Privatize Medicare! Thin the herd! The old and sick only 

slow us down as we hurtle down the Highway to Hell!

What? Can it be true that Breitbartians have become 

Cereal Killers?

Now that Breitbart has declared war on

Kellogg's, what is Larry Solov going to

do without his Pop-Tarts®?

"Call the Trump Administration 'Little Anthony & the

Imperials' one more time and I'll wish you away to the

cornfield!"

Whether at 20,000 feet or in the storm sewer,

it's the same nightmare.

Donald Trump reportedly buys Orange GLO™ by the barrel.

"If thou wouldst be one of the Immortals, 

thy hat must be one for the ages."

"Kellyanne, baby, you really light our fire!"

"Careful, boys, I wouldn't want to burn your flags!"

You don't see many coal-fired Volvos on the

road these days.

Froot Loops Declare War on Froot Loops

It's OK to roll your own, but if you smoke them,

you may lose your citizenship and end up in

prison.

"My motto is, to quote Steven Wright, 'Eagles may soar, 

but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines'."

SCREWGED!

Trump's Cabinet of Oddities and Quirks

Two Populists Waiting for Their Smack Ramen to Be Served

Erik Telford Doing His Popular

Mr. Creosote Routine

Stephen Mnuchin Sez: "When Mr. Trump said he would drain 

the swamp, he didn't say he wouldn't keep the alligators."

Like Little Egypt, Mitt Romney walks, he talks, he

crawls on his belly like a reptile.

"So, you're boycotting Froot Loops, eh? You must really 

hate Kellogg's."

"No, Breitbart."

Popular Anti-Romney Lobby Gets 

Radical Makeover