Puffington Host #1

Obama's First Budgie!

No doubt he was one of the greatest samurais of all

time. But what Japan needed right now was a finance

minister--not someone who was an expert in the use

of bows and arrows, spears and guns, and most of all,

swords.

The world's leading authority on crowns has concluded that

no human being in his or her right mind has ever worn such

a useless piece of junk.

For some time, people had suspected Pope Benedict

was rather snotty. Now they had proof.

David Jeselsohn Showing Why an

Ancient Tablet Is Hard to Swallow

Dean Esmay really knows how to multitask. Here we see him

defending the liberal tradition while, simultaneously, live-

blogging the over-the-shoulder feeding of Z, his pet ferret.

Ask these ladies why the red red robin comes bob bob bobbing

along and they are likely to look at you like you are made out

of squid dust.

"Tea Party U.S.A.: The movement grows"

By Michelle Malkin • February 21, 2009 04:16 AM

Flag Desecration #16

One of the favorite stops on the soldier's

daily patrol was Hijabs-R-Us.

Representative Heath Shuler (D-NC), who voted against the

stimulus bill but is now praising it, is one of those politicians

with a brain whose right lobe doesn't know what the left one

is doing.

Ann Coulter is getting cheaper — so why isn't gasoline?

Senior citizen says the only way to save a

fortune on life insurance is not to buy any.

Since Michelle Malkin doesn't think it's out of bounds to

compare Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler, do you think it

would have been out of bounds for Adolf Hitler to compare

Michelle Malkin to Barack Obama?

The good news was that it was no longer

raining cats and dogs. The bad news was

that it was now raining their owners.

World's Worst Jobs #90

Chinese Scrap Metal Custodian

Utah State Senator Chris Buttars Ousted from Two

Committees, May Be Expelled from Fearguth's Hall

of Wackos for 'Going Beyond the Bounds of Wackiness'

Noting the absence of business big shots in the

Obama Administration, The Politico has just

published 'The Obama Cabinet is a CEO Black

Hole'. A more accurate title, reflective of today's

anti-corporate climate, would be 'The Obama

Cabinet Contains No CEO Black Holes--and Ain't

That the Shiznit!'

Unlike Chris Wallace, veteran bird hunters know it's

unwise to visually track the flight path of every

quail you flush from a covey.

ShamWow! Peddler Finding Afghan Market Hard to Crack

World's Worst Yoobs #37

Lucianne Goldberg

George Will’s recent column on global warming, filled with

egregious errors, was, according to the ombudsman at the

Washington Post, "checked by people he personally employs,

as well as two editors at the Washington Post Writers Group,

which syndicates Will; our op-ed page editor; and two copy

editors." In other words, the entire organization thinks

inside the same error-shaped box.

Inept Sean Delonas has ineptly apologized for ineptly

conceiving and executing an inept cartoon which "was

meant to mock an ineptly written federal stimulus bill."

"Ooohhh, so this is how Dittoheads view the world!"

I Remember Dubya #10

"Back in my hometown of Midland, Texas, the people

say, 'An early bird in the bush gets the worm better

than two hands', or something to that effect."

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #15

Joe Arpaio

Man Issued 50 Traffic Citations in One Day,

Deflects Anger Onto His Poor Little Aveo

"Gakk, cough, cough, cough! Being waterboarded has to

be almost as bad as getting your ass kicked by Syrian

thugs while you're soused in downtown Beiruit!"

Politico's Mike Allen Goes Cuckoo Over Bogus

Washington Times Story

"Kiddo, that Sean Delonas absolutely cracks me up!"

Mountain Goat Celebrating the Third

Anniversary of Bildungblog [As Depicted

on the Front of a 30-Year-Old T-Shirt

Hanging in Fearguth's Closet]

I Remember Dubya #9

After a near-fatal encounter with the logic of pretzels,

Dubya began to perceive the sexual innuendo of

'Steely Dan'.

"Any election in which I get fewer votes than my

opponent has to be, by definition, fatally flawed."

Michelle Malkin Visits Nativist American Reservation,

Gawks for Swastika Man

Palin's Teen Daughter Wishes Pregnancy Wasn't Caused

by That Naughty Thing Boys and Girls Do When No One

Else Is Around

Senator Gillibrand has moved her guns from under the bed

to the front yard. Her New York neighbors say they all feel

the Second Amendment is now much safer.

"Howard Fineman's going gray, you say? Well, wind

me up and watch me go all lah-di-dah, mofo!"

The Unexpurgated Bible #21

"Behold, thou art fair, my love; thou hast doves' eyes.

So, what's keeping us from getting it on? Even Bristol

Palin realizes Abstinence Only is not realistic."

Former Senate Majority Leader Lurches Forward

to Warn Against the Dangers of Overstimulating

the Sexual Economy

Imagine you are a speechwriter and your next

assignment is to write George Bush's first

post-presidential speech to be delivered

next month in Canada. What words would

you put in his mouth after he says, "Hello,

my name is George Bush and I'm

here to protect you"?

Once again, a flock of goddamn stool pigeons

had given his position away.

Shoichi Nakagawa, Japan's Finance Minister, Loses Face,

Resigns After Episode of Unmanly Public Boohooing

"Since you're paying $340 million for this baby,

may I ask when you are going to kick the tires?"

"Anybody, like Rush Limbaugh, who would pull against

our president is not exactly thinking rationally. All we

really need is a very small nuke dropped on Foggy Bottom

to shake things up like Newt Gingrich wants to do."

"You forgot the Purina Dog Chow, buster!"

World's Worst Yobs #76

J. D. Hayworth

John Podhoretz, the new editor of Commentary,

was not pleased when he learned he now had to

book two seats every time he flies coach.

After leading the United States Postal Service into

the red to the tune of $3 billion last year, Postmaster

General John Potter was rewarded with a $135,000

bonus added to his base salary of $263,575. You may

wish to remember this when the price of postage

goes up again in May.

Dick Cheney Goes to the Mat with George Bush

Over Presidential Pardon for Scooter Libby

"The lousy economy is now hurting George W. Bush in a pretty

direct way: panhandling has slowed down for his presidential

library at SMU, making it difficult for him to meet the $500

million goal."