Saturday, December 11, 2010

Greedheads Galore #8
Dan Loeb
Warm Scuzzies #127
Britt Harris
Larry Falter Sez:  "Remember:  diamonds are forever!"
"So what if only 11% of the public gives the Senate
 good or excellent marks. The public be damned!"
"Majority rule? Where in the Constitution does it
say anything about 'majority rule'?
"I love me some popcorn," says Terrell Owens.
Are suicide bombers just suicidal? 
If so, what's with the bombs?
Facebook Founder Says Winklevoss Twins Suffer
from 'Onomastic Remorse'

Friday, December 10, 2010

World's Ugliest Dog Blames Parents for Chasing Off
A new poll of West Virginia's mountaintops shows they
favor the removal of Don Blankenship by a ratio
of almost 100 to 1 (the mountaintop on which he
lives being understandably ambivalent.)
Did you hear what happened when Barack Obama and Bill
Clinton got tired of squaring with each other and started
How Donald Trump Gets Hair for His Comb Over
"Yes, it's true you have a wife, two kids, and a really nice 
Igloo cooler.  But we work for Drop Zone Security and
have three semi-automatic handguns pointed at your head.
 So we advise you to say, 'Joe Miller wuz robbed!'  OK?"
"Yes, Justice Roberts, it would be better if there were nine,
rather than only five, Catholics on the Supreme Court. But, as
the Holy Father teaches us, we must cultivate the virtue of
When asked if she had to choose between keeping her father
out of a Nigerian prison or receiving $500 million tax-free,
Liz Cheney replied, "Like that famous ethicist, Jack Benny,
once said, 'I'm thinking it over'."
"Hi, I'm a Schmoo.  I really dig teabagging (if you
know what I mean, and I think that you do)!"
Remember Hee Haw?

Well, Sarah Palin has a new comedy show coming out in
the spring, called Haw Hee, but with less banjo.
Scientists Reverse Aging in Mice; No Luck (So Far)
 with Lotto Scratchers
Recently-Revealed Emails Show That Americans Respond
Very Negatively to 'Pubic Option' When Referring to AHIP
Lobbyist Karen Ignagni
Colonel Sanders Looks to Conquer
Africa with Fried Chicken
LeBron James When He Learned That Allen Iverson
Has More Tattoos Than He Does
If we lived in the best of all possible worlds, Senator
Lindsey Graham would be impossible.
This hedgehog says his favorite line in Monty Python and the
Holy Grail is when the Black Knight says, "I'm invincible!"
If Sarah Palin Were a Spiny Mammal
Glenn Beck Announces Title of His Next Book, Everything
You'll Ever Need to Know about Mexico You Can Learn
from Listening to Herb Alpert's Tijuana Brass
Halliburton Trying to Decide If It Should Spend $500 Million to
Keep Dick Cheney Out of a Nigerian Jail; "It's a Toss-Up,"
Insiders Say
First Lady Reading Glenn Beck's The Christmas Sweater to
Children at National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony
When Charles Krauthammer says Obama "won the
great tax-cut showdown of 2010," you know that
Capistrano will return to the swallows next spring,
not vice-versa.
Warm Scuzzies #126
Exide Technologies
Frisco, Texas
Biden Steps into Rahm's Shoes, Discovers
Worn Pair of Elevator Insoles
Royal Couple Shaken, Not Stirred
World's Revolutionaries Threatening to Silence Glenn Beck
by Stealing All of His Chalk
Silvio Berlusconi Caught on Film
Two-Timing Vladimir Putin
Grinch Steals 7-Foot-Tall Marijuana Christmas
Tree from 58-Year-Old Hippie 
Life expectancy for white Americans has fallen for the third
time since Ronald Reagan was elected president in 1980. 
Asked why this has happened, God said, "No comment,"
and then giggled.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

World's Worst Yobs #200
John Burns
Anthony Weiner Shoots Down Megyn Kelly's
Assertion That the Estate Tax Is Double Taxation;
Then She Shows Him a Thing or Two
Author of 'Be Original' Motto Busted for Plagiarism
What Davy Jones Wears When He Goes Skiing
Too late, they realized the earmark had been used to build
the Railroad Bridge to Nowhere.
57 Billionaires Pledge to Give Away Half Their
Wealth After They Die; "We're Taking the Other
Half with Us," They Say
Aunt Wearing Crucifix Causes Furor Not Unlike
That Caused by Ant-Covered Crucifix
Sarah Palin Says Julian Assange Is 'Un-American';
"At Least She Didn't Say I'm Un-Australian,"
Assange Retorted Slyly 
Warm Scuzzies #125
Bill Sammon
Sarah Palin Just Moments Before She Fired at a Caribou
and Hit Russia Instead
GOP Gets Queasy Over Earmark Ban, Decides
to Redefine the Term So That It Applies Only
 to Democrats and to Call Republican Pork
 'The Other White Meat'
Republican Carl Wimmer Wants to Make the Browning .45
Semi-Automatic Pistol the State Gun of Utah
Greedheads Galore #7
Don Blankenship
Having received $38.2 million in compensation over the last
three years, with a pension worth $5.7 million and $27.2
million in his deferred-compensation account, and a salary
continuation retirement benefit which will pay him $18,241 a
month for the next 10 years, Don Blankenship, the 'Dark
Lord of Coal Country', has retired. "I simply couldn't
afford not to," he says, adding, "Crime hasn't paid this
well since the days of Al Capone."